Someday I'll give a whole post shout-out to Mr. Later Than Most (did I ever mention he doesn't know about my blog?). He's truly been a trooper through my two years of baby crazy. Actually, I did take two months off from the craziness. I locked all of my baby, pregnancy, infertility, prenatals, (an anything else you can think of) up in storage. Not too long after, I went stomping to storage to get it all back. So really, Mr. Later Than Most does deserve a praising shout-out, but today he needs a throat-punch (hehehehe, the girls use this saying on TheBump and I love it). Here's the story:
This weekend I have a girls' night at a friend's house. I can't ditch it. It's only a few girls and it was kind of my idea (like two months ago). Anyway- I'm obviously not going to be drinking, so I'll have some explaining to do. On Sunday I'll be with the same girlfriend selling some of her stuff at a local flea market. Well, I'm not allowed to lift anything over 10lbs, so I figure I could use an explanation for that too (I hate lying to people, but this hurts no one but me). Well, this morning I told Mr. Later Than Most my great idea! I can tell my girlfriend that I hurt my back and I'm taking a pain killer. This will explain my nondrinking and my nonlifting. Right after I tell him the idea he says, "You know, if this whole thing works, we are not going to tell people that we did IVF. We're just going to say we did it on our own." Um, what? I say, "I don't really agree with that." He says that he doesn't want people to know what we went through, and that we couldn't have a baby on our own. In fact, he doesn't even want family to know. I seriously almost fell over. I was shocked. Oh wait, then he had this line: "We'll just tell people that we went off the pill and it happened." Now, any girls reading this who have struggled with IF know how much that last statement hurts. I hate hearing people say that and then to lie about it? No e'ffing way. Okay, now I didn't tell Mr. Later Than Most the "No e'ffing way" for several reasons. First, I'm not supposed to undergo too much stress right now. So, why argue now about something that doesn't exist? Two, I'm sure Mr. Later Than Most feels like he is the "reason" for our struggles since the doctors couldn't pin-point any concerns with me. So, he probably doesn't want everyone to know this. I can understand his thinking, but I think women feel differently. We want people to be informed and not hide our situations. Again, I let this go for now. I'm a little frustrated because I want people to know that IVF is not just for Octomom's benefit. "Normal" people go through IVF. There is nothing wrong with it. I want people to know that.
Now I'll play devil's advocate. I've played these situations over and over again in my mind. What if a family member is against IVF and wants to make that known to us? I don't think I could ever forgive that person for lessening our troubles with their shitty opinion. Or, what if we have twins and friends say our twins "don't count" because we used fertility drugs? I would hit someone for that and probably never talk to them again. Or what if someone says, "Well, you just needed to relax or adopt. Then you would have gotten pregnant." People say this shit ALL OF THE TIME! In fact, TheBump newsletter writers asked girls on their Infertility board and Trouble Trying to Conceive board (the one I'm on). . . "What are some of the things people have said to you when they found out you were having trouble conceiving?" I just wanted to drop dead when I read that article. To seriously think that some girl had to hear a comment like, "You are trying too hard" or "Just fill out adoption papers, then you'll get pregnant." People say stuff because they don't know any better and they are informed. But, are we really ready to take that risk for people's ignorance? On one hand I can't put myself through that. We've been through enough. On the other hand, I want people to know that IVF and infertility are normal and happen to regular people all of the time. It's though!
Well, I know I have many girls read this blog who have been in my shoes or understand the situation. So, I'm going to put up a poll just to see what you all think of this madness. Even if you are grown and your kids have kids, vote anyway. In the long run, I'm going to do what Mr. Later Than Most wants. I hope he comes around, but if not, I have to understand how he feels. We both need to be on the same page, and if I didn't want people to know about our struggles, I'd want Mr. Later Than Most to respect that.