June 17, 2016

The Time Goes By, But I'm Still Here


So sad that life gets so busy and I've gotten away from my treasured blog. In fact, I couldn't even remember the email address to log in to Blogger to update.

There's grief and sorrow associated with not blogging. For the longest time I figured I shouldn't update because too much time has gone by. Also, my life is different now than when I started my TTC journey and perhaps this blog doesn't fit me anymore? The thing that brings me back is, this is my story and though time has gone by, I still have a story to tell.

October 21, 2014

One Year Ago Today

Life really has been busy. I've been back to work for about five weeks now and we're still adjusting to having two kids and both of us working. It's a balancing act for sure, but we're getting the hang of it.

Baby B is three months old already! She's weighing in at roughly 11 pounds and is super tall. She's been dealing with reflux since she was about a month old. After a couple of medicine changes, she seems to be an one that actually works! With also tried various formulas and right now she is taking a soy formula. That seems to cut down on the amount of gas and spitting up that she does. Poor thing has really had a rough start feeding wise!

One year ago today was my embryo transfer for Baby B. I almost have to sit and really think to even remember all of those progesterone shots I did. I remember my ass was hurting! And it was even black and blue! How was that a year ago today? Time flies.

August 23, 2014

6 Weeks PP

Survival mode!! As of yesterday I am six weeks postpartum! I even got to go to my doctor check up yesterday. I say that with excitement because when you have two kids, even going to the doctor by yourself is an amazing experience. It's always weird going back to the doctor after you have a baby. You spent so much time getting weighed and checked... going without the big belly is really strange. I've always been that infertile girl who takes a lot of time to get over not being pregnant anymore. Being in the office and seeing other pregnant bellies actually makes me jealous. I'm psycho.

The good news is that I got great reviews from my doctor and I'm all healed! He asked me if we had any frozen embryos left. I laughed and I told him that we were to kid people… Two and done. I mean, I am going to be 37 and that's getting up there. My doctor told me I was crazy for thinking that I'm getting too old and that he really thought I should have one more. The weird thing about it is, I like this doctor so much that he can probably convince me to have one more. See? Psycho!

Brielle turned six weeks yesterday. It has been an interesting journey. Brooklyn seems to be well-adjusted now to the change. That was definitely difficult for all of us. 

Brielle is not the angel baby Brooklyn was, but we knew that was going to happen all along. We spend a lot of time trying to figure out what baby Brielle likes. One thing she doesn't like is napping. One thing she does like is crying. She's as cute as a button though :)

It's fun to hear Brooklyn talk about her little sister. She really wants to be like Anna and Elsa in Frozen. Sometimes if she's getting a new toy, she'll ask for two of them so she can save one for her little sissy. So cute!

I weighed Brielle yesterday and she weighed exactly 10 pounds. She's still wearing mostly newborn everything. She's smiling quite a bit and I'm waiting to hear her "talk." I know in the next month or so her little personality will start to shine through!

School starts in two days. It's very weird not starting on time. Right now we are also in the Baby phase where we can't get out and do much. Brooklyn starts preschool this week as well. It's going to be an interesting week. I'm very excited for her but cannot believe how big she's getting. I went back to my blogs and read about Brooklyn when she was around Brielle's current age. Right around this time is when I started calling Brooklyn my little buddy. I am definitely going to miss my little buddy as she heads off to preschool this week.💜 her to pieces!

Even though it's hard handling two kids right now, we know the reason is because it's new. Either way, I'm the luckiest person in the world To have two little girls:)

July 21, 2014

PP Rubbish, Mr. LTM, and She's 10 Days, and More Kids

How's that for a title? I figured if I put everything in the title, I'd be able to remember what in the world I wanted to write about.

Post Partum Rubbish:
Hormones suck the big one. Actually I'm feeling much better today at 10 days PP than even just a few days ago. Adjusting to a new routine is hard for anyone. Like when Miss B was born, it's hard to get the regular stuff done in a day. Paying bills, laundry and keeping up the house is a challenge. Everyone says to let the chores go and enjoy the time, but it's hard to enjoy my couch with little b when the living room is a disaster. Each day I'm trying to keep things cleaned up to a minimum, just to where I'm comfortable. That helps prevent meltdowns... on my part. Not Miss B or Little b.

Night time anxiety was an issue when I had Miss B. I remember being paranoid every night. I wondered when I would sleep and how the night would go. I have that this time again. The only weird thing is I have that but I'm sleeping all night. Mr. LTM takes care of Little b, so you'd think I have nothing to worry about. So random.

Mr. LTM:
Where did I find this guy? Well, the real answer is Target, but seriously. He's truly holding the house together. He does all of the night feedings while I get sleep until I'm back to 100%. Now, yes that's amazing of him, but while he sleeps during the day, I have Miss B and Little b to take care of. Not an easy challenge! Either way, it keeps the night anxiety to a minimum.

So the other day I ran to the grocery store. I come back and Mr. LTM has both kids napping, he did the dishes and he's in the shower. WTF???? I sometimes can't get dressed with the two of them. One is crying and the other one getting into trouble! How in the heck does he do it? I will say that while he's not working his thinking is more clear and he acts like the MR. LTM I met 17 years ago at Target. I hate his current job. I wish he'd switch to something he liked so he wasn't always stressed out. It's been so nice hanging out every day.

She's 10 Days:

So 10 days old already! Little b is already more aware. She's jumps to the sound of our voices and looks for us when she hears us. She also seems to really enjoy books already. Miss B was the same exact way. Yesterday she had a hold of her paci and was waving it all about. I noticed she is looking at my mouth when I'm talking too. I completely remember Miss B doing the same thing.

We call Little b "dino baby." She eats so much and so often. We feel like she makes dinosaur noises so the name fits. I'm dying to buy her the Aden and Anais dinosaur blanket but it looks like it's more for boys. We feed Dino baby about every two hours and she's up to 3oz of formula on a regular basis. This kid will be 14lbs by Christmas. Miss B is over three years old and barely weighs 30. They are already so different.

Miss B is a good big sister. She's definitely trying to adjust to her new life. There has been lots of talking back and acting out. We've been using a positive behavior system with her and that seems to help. In two days we are taking Little b to our babysitter so we can spend the day with Miss B. She's really into dinosaurs lately so we are thinking of going to either the Field Museum or the beach. She's also very into shells and sand so either one will be a winner. I'm excited to spend the day together. It's funny that we could have all went to the museum or beach a few weeks ago and didn't have to worry about a newborn and what we would do with her.

More Kids:

Mr. LTM is nuts and has mentioned more kids once or twice already. We don't have any more frozen embryos left so that idea is out. I did keep myself on Mr. LTM insurance just incase we needed the infertility coverage. The coverage has changed but because we are on the plan still, we are supposed to be grandfathered-in. That means we'd have two full IVF cycles left if we were interested. I don't know, I'm 36. I'm getting up there. I know age isn't everything but I feel like we already had our kids kind of late. In addition, we are living in a two bedroom house which I am not appreciating right now. Everything seems so small with two kids and all of their crap laying around. I'm sure Mr. LTM is on a newborn high, so we'll see if he changes his mind. I think he will.

Dino baby awaits again! She just ate an hour ago and is ready to eat again. Oh my!

July 15, 2014

Brielle's Birth Story

First I cannot believe that my pregnancy is over and done with. The beginning went by slow and then it really picked up. I'm glad I had a few weeks off of work to enjoy Brooklyn and enjoy my pregnancy. I'm getting up there in age, so we are very sure there are no more kids in our future. And, let's not forget the fact that we have no more frozen babies. Holy shit, I have a frozen baby in real life. It's kinda strange!

My induction was scheduled for Thursday night and Thursday was not easy. I felt like I was just sitting around all day waiting for it. I was very nervous and apprehensive. I felt guilty for scheduling an induction and not waiting until I went into labor on my own. I began to feel bad for Brooklyn, knowing that changes that were ahead for her. Pretty much I was just a hormonal mess. I kept hoping my Braxton Hicks would turn real and I would miss my induction like I did with Brooklyn, but I didn't.

At 7:00pm on Thursday I called Labor and Delivery to confirm my appointment. The charge nurse said to head on over as it was rather slow. We said good bye to Miss B and left her with my mom. The whole drive there was so weird. It's weird knowing that your whole life is about to change.

When we arrived at the hospital I made Mr. Later Than Most take one last pregnant picture of me and all of our bags. We went up to Labor and Delivery, checked in and got settled in our room. We were rather sure it was the same room I delivered Miss B in. Right away I got changed and the nurse came in to check me and see where I was. My OB does not perform internal checks, so I had not idea if I was even effaced or ready for birth. We were extremely surprised to find that I was already dilated to 4cm and that I was contracting on my own! I never really felt anything!

My OB suggested that I get my epidural sooner than later. He figured it may go fast since I was already at 4cm. I agreed with that and we had the epidural before starting the Pitocin. Unlike my last birth, this time they would not allow my husband to be in the room for the epidural. Also, my last epidural did not hurt, but this one really did. The anesthesiologist actually had to complete the process twice as she could not get in a good enough spot the first time. Lucky for me, I got to feel the needle go in two times instead of one! I remember wincing out loud both times and wishing that the process was almost over. I did not remember feeling any pain with the first pregnancy, but holy crap that thing hurt! Finally, the catheter was in and I began to slowly feel the effects. Though I've had an epi before, I began to worry a little about the after effects and if it was going to work right. When I had Miss B my epi wore off quickly and I was in so much pain. It was non-stop crying for hours.

This epi seemed to go well. Once I felt good, they began the Pitocin in increments of 2. Slowly my contractions started to pick up and space out evenly. I had little to no pain at all. Each half hour they kicked up the Pitocin and checked to see if I had made any progress.  After a while, it became apparent that I was a bit of a mystery. Apparently my cervix was dilating unevenly. So the top inside part was dilated more than the bottom. At one point they were calling me a 7/5. 7cm at the top and 5 at the bottom. My regular nurse had another nurse come in around 11pm to make me and make sure that I was dilating the way she thought I was. Sure enough, nurse number two is also surprised that she too will have to record two different numbers for how dilated I am. At this point they decide to call the doctor and see what he had to say. It was now midnight and the nurses felt like I could be stalling a bit. The nurse said that things would go quickly if my water broke, but the doctor was not going to break my water. He didn't want to rush things.

Around 1am they kicked the Pitocin up a bit and had me change into a bunch of different positions. One position they referred to as the "Texas" something. I slept like that for over an hour and a half and luckily, it seemed to work.  When the nurse came in she said everything was looking great, but baby was floating all around in amniotic fluid and had dropped. As she finished her check, my water broke. No more floating baby! They called the doctor to report that I was now effaced fully (and evenly) and that baby would be on her way soon. It was about 4am when that call was made.

Mr. LTM and I started to get excited that it was almost delivery time. Not too long after the nurse came running in and stopped the Pitocin. She said that baby's heart rate showed that delivery was very, very close but the doctor wasn't here yet. In case you don't know my birth story from Miss B, the doctor missed her birth. The nurse taught me how to push and Miss B would not stop her entrance into the world. She was delivered by about 8 nurses after only three pushes.  The doctor came in about three minutes after Miss B was born.  They didn't want this to occur again, so the Pitocin was stoppted until my doctor showed.

Around 5am my fav OB came strolling in with a big smile on his face. This guy is the best. He was actually not working the night of my induction or delivery, but the nurse said he "specialed" himself in for my delivery. I felt special when she said that doctors only do this for patients they really liked. :)

After a check by the OB, they kicked the Pitocin back up so I could have some regular contractions to push baby out. We waited and waited. With Miss B I felt no pressure to push. This nurse was aware of that and kept explaining what I should be feeling. "You'll feel like you have to poop." That's all she kept telling me so that feeling should be rather clear. Um yea, never felt sensation with either birth.

Around 6:30am I FINALLY called the nurse to tell her that I felt something. Not like I had to poop but just pressure in general. The doctor returned with an extra nurse and they had me start pushing. I pushed through two contractions and they had me stop. At this point there was for sure some pain. I could tell that baby was crowning because that feeling cannot be mistaken. Kind of a burn mixed with pressure. While I was laying there with a baby sticking partly out of me, the doctors and nurses began getting everything ready and turning all of the lights on. At one point they giggled because I asked if this was really going down right now. I couldn't help it! Everyone got so serious. In my mind I figured I was giving it my all on the next set of pushes and this baby was going to come out.

After one more contraction and pushing, my little Brielle Elizabeth entered the world. No cries right away. I could hear the doctor tell Mr. LTM that the cord was around her neck but nothing to worry about. They suctioned and suctioned her. I remember the doctor talking to Brielle and telling her that he saw her swallow a bunch of fluid and that she needed to try to get that up. Mr. LTM kept asking if she was okay, but the doctor was so busy suctioning her that he really didn't answer. I did begin to worry. I kept asking the nurse if she was ok and she just answered, "yea." I was kinda hoping for a "oh don't worry, she's good!" or a "She's excellent." None of that. My worrying continued for what felt like eternity but was probably only another minute. Brielle started screaming and they handed her right to me for some skin to skin. I remember thinking how cute and little she was. I was sure she was a 6lb'er.

I know skin-to-skin is amazing, but holy shit, I didn't enjoy that experience. I mean, they gave her to me bloody and she's screaming the entire time.  Then, I'm delivering the placenta while she is still screaming on me. Then, she's still screaming as they were stitching me up. It was very overwhelming. I didn't want to seem like a horrible person, so I just held her the entire time while she continued to scream. In hindsight, I'm just glad she was screaming after the scare we had.

After about an hour of skin-to-skin, they took Brielle over to be weighed. At 40 weeks and 2 days, Brielle was born weighing 7lb 13oz and 19.5 inches long. My little cutie received 9s on both of her APGARS.

Overall, this was a great birth. The induction process went as smooth as it possibly could. I'm thankful to have another beautiful girl on my hands.

July 14, 2014

Birth Story in Progress

I've been working hard at typing up Brielle's birth story, but it really is taking a long time. I'm about 1/3 of the way done. After typing for about 45 minutes I'll get an interruption and then not really feel like going back to it.

We are all adjusting to being a family of three. The first two days were easy with Brielle. She slept a lot and ate little. Starting last night though, she's showing her true colors and acting like a newborn. She's eating very often and today she was even awake for 2 1/2 hours straight. I told her to throw me a bone and sleep a little longer. Momma was tired.

I decided not to breastfeed this time and am fine with that decision. Last time was an absolute nightmare that pretty much caused be to become depressed. The stigma around formula feeding sucks. The hospital had no literature on formula feeding and only on breast feeding. We had no clue how much to even feed her at the hospital. And what pissed me off the most is when they would say, "Are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding?" No dumb asses, it's breastfeeding or formula feeding. Each time I'd answer with "formula feeding" and they'd get a little annoyed. The Lactation Consultant pissed Mr. LTM off. We told her we didn't need any assistance and she asked "why not?" Um, we said we didn't need help. And funny enough, I was actually nursing Brielle at the time. We wanted to make sure she got some colostrum at the hospital.

Miss B is adjusting. I feel bad for her a lot. She's acting out at us as part of her adjustment but she's very loving to her sister. It's hard to watch her get into trouble when we know that she knows better. Hopefully her new behaviors are short-lived. Overall though, it's been three days, so I think we are all on the right track.

Well, since it's almost 10pm I must head to sleep. Mr. LTM takes care of Brielle all night while I sleep. I've had a hard time sleeping, so hopefully that ends soon.

July 12, 2014

She's Here!

Brielle Elizabeth born 7/11/2014 @ 6:42am! 7lb13oz and 19.5 inches long!

We are home and doing well! Birth story to come!