May 13, 2012

Screw You, Technology

Did you ever see that Google Chrome commercial with the new dad? It came out right around the time Brooklyn was born. The point was that this dad had emailed his baby and sent her videos and then she was suddenly all grown up. The email allowed them to see what they had sent over the years.

I was inspired and did that. The commercial made me cry so many tears as I thought about Brookie growing up so fast. So, I started my journey after she was a couple of weeks old. I sent her messages, videos and pictures from my cell phone. Some of the videos I sent were from my old cell phone and I sent them as a way to recover them before it died.

I'd like to throw up as I tell you that I made a rookie mistake and didn't login to Brooklyn's email for over four months. Yahoo automatically deleted our account, and I've lost all of my documentation, pictures, messages to my baby. I'm soooooooooo sad. I hope someone can learn from my mistake.

I'm off to email Yahoo anyway. Even though their policy says they can't recover, I do have a lot to lose.

DAMN IT.

May 12, 2012

B Updates

We went to Brooklyn's post UTI checkup this week. It looks like the doctors were not concerned with her lymph nodes this time, yay! They did want to check to make sure her UTI was gone, but they didn't want to put in a catheter again since she is still semi traumatized from the last visit. They did a bag collection this time. So, they literally used a bag with adhesive, spread her girly parts and stuck the bag to her. Then we put her diaper back on and fed her a shit ton of water and formula (yes not milk. That's a different story!). So, my stubborn little baby waited about 2.5 hours before she actually peed. The doctor had come in just minutes before and said that he was giving her another 10 minutes and then they would have to do the catheter, otherwise they risked the sample being unsterile. Luckily, the preliminary test results showed the UTI to be gone and today's lab results confirmed! I'm one happy momma!

On May 22nd she will go to get an ultrasound to check her kidneys and make sure she has no kidney scarring. If that turns out well, the doctor said he does not want her to do the internal iodine (VUG) test because of the radiation. I'm praying it all comes out normal, because if it doesn't, I don't want her to have that test done AT ALL.

Tomorrow will be my second Mother's Day! Last year Brooklyn was 1 month old on Mother's Day! She was such a tiny little thing. Today she was crawling all over the house and walking with her walking toys. We went to lunch at Portillo's and she made me share my chopped salad with her. Oh the fun of being a mom ;) Tomorrow I will be enjoying every minute of her!

On Mother's Day I always think about all of those who suffer from infertility and want a baby. Mother's Day was always very, very hard for me when I was trying to have my own baby. I remember wondering if I would ever get to be a mother to someone. Those days still hurt.

A girl friend sent this to me today. She said her sister-in-law framed it for her for Mother's Day. It made me cry.


A child preparing to be born asked God, 
“They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?” 

God answered, “Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you.” 

The child paused and again addressed God. “But tell me, here in Heaven, I don’t do anything else but sing and smile, that’s enough for me to be happy.” 

“Your angel will sing for you and also smile for you every day and you will feel your angel’s love and be happy,” God replied. 

“Oh,” the child said, “and how am I going to be able to understand the language that men speak?” And then, glancing at God the child asked, “What am I going to do when I want to talk to you?” 

God softly touched the child on the head and said, “Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.” 

The child then asked, “I have heard that on earth there is evil. Who will protect me?” 

“Ah,” God answered, “your angel will defend you even if it means risking her own life.” 

“But, I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.” 

“Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.” God said. 

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly, “Oh, God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.” 

Sweetly, God looked at the child and whispered, “Your angel’s name is of no importance. You will simply call her MOM.” ~ Author Unknown ~

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there. For those waiting and wanting to be mothers, my thoughts are with you tomorrow. When your day comes, I promise it'll be worth the wait.

May 4, 2012

Update

So about this week:

On Monday Brooklyn and I get home from a regular day of work and nannysitter. I'm changing her diaper and wtf is that? Seemingly two protrusions (next to each other) in her groin area kinda near her thigh. FML, another problem. I press on it and she cries so right away I figure this is going to be the start of a Monday night journey. I call my mom and ask her what a hernia looks like. I had a double hernia removed at the ripe old age of 2, so I thought it could be that. What my mom describes is EXACTLY what I see. You have to be kidding me.

After a call to the doctor's office the nurse can't decided if I should bring Brooklyn in or not. She asked me if the bump was from fastening a diaper. I was proud of myself for not asking her if she thought I was an idiot. Either way, they called back and wanted to see her right away. We arrive at 7:15 for our 7:45 appointment but they don't actually see us until 8:30. Brooklyn's bedtime is 6:00pm. She was in good spirits until she saw the doctor. As soon as she saw the doctor she broke out in a sweat and turned a bright shade of red. Mr. LTM thought she was choking. The doctor said that Brooklyn easily remember her last appointment (with the cath) and that she was probably nervous. It sucks to watch your kid panic.

So, a long exam and they rule out hernia because it actually wasn't a tender area. It appears Brooklyn seems to think that we'll keep doing horrible exams on her so she cries when we are touching her, not from pain. Poor dear. Our diaper changes have been a real challenge. So, the diagnosis looks to be swollen lymph nodes, hopefully from the UTI. The doctor seemed to think we should have noticed them already and that it was late to be UTI related, but I'm over that by now. She said that maybe she's fighting something else and that our bodies are "always fighting cancer cells." OMFG, who says that? Thanks doc. Thanks for sending me into a temporary panic, because I'm not a worrier enough already.

I left the appointment crying. It's always something. They see us again on May 9 for the follow-up UTI appointment. They'll check the swollen lymph nodes and make sure they have not gotten bigger. They'll also do the catheter again (poor baby) to check the urine. Also, they'll have me schedule her ultrasound and dye test. They want to make sure everything is in tip top shape.

When I got home I drank about a half a bottle of wine and felt much better. I know that sounds weird but it really does take the edge off. The good news is that today I didn't really see those bumps anymore. I even pushed Brooklyn's legs down (that's how I first found them. A struggle during a diaper change.) and didn't see anything. So, I'm hoping that they are gone and that I just didn't miss seeing them. The even better news is that she acts 100% normal and is the cutest thing ever. She says "good girl" now and points to herself. How could you not adore that?

May 1, 2012

Parenting

If I remember back to all of those days that I wanted a baby, I wanted just that, a baby. Never once was I thinking ahead to all of the heartache that kids cause you. I mean, I know the day will come when Brooklyn is in middle school, ditches class, and ends up at the mall. This isn't the heartache. It's the kind that the mother of a sick child goes though. I've been following little Avery's blog as most of you had, and I'm extremely sad today as Avery lived her last day yesterday. I couldn't read the whole blog today, it's too hard. And I do know that's selfish of me. But those pictures make me cry my eyes out. Her parents have been very clear on how they don't want people to feel sorry for Avery or the family, but I'm going to have to break their rule.

We spent some of last night at the doctor with Brooklyn, but today that's not important. I can blog about it later. If you can muster the courage and haven't already, head over to Avery's blog. While your at it, send some extra prayers to the family.

Avery, you are one precious little angel my dear. Thanks for educating us.