April 26, 2011

The Pumping is About Done

Gah, damn pumping. I'm still getting maybe a half an ounce per session, and that's with the Fenugreek. So annoying. Today I only had enough for B to get one bottle. Better than nothing, but it seems my time is about done. My goal is to pump until Friday, then B will have had 3 weeks of some sort of breast milk in her system.

I'm getting used to life in shifts. My shift is from 11pm to well, technically Mr. Later Than Most gets home from work. Right now his grandmother is here helping, so I've been able to get some sleep from about 6am to 10am, which is nice. I'm of course wondering how in the world I'm going to do this next week by myself. But, it gets done. Single moms, teen moms, married moms. . . every one does it. It'll come with time I'm sure.

Because of my 11pm shift, I nap from 8pm to 11pm and it's about that time. Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter :)

April 22, 2011

My 2 Week Old :)

I just realized that I should've posted a picture for Brooklyn for my faithful readers. Perhaps I should lock my blog so I feel more comfortable posting pics.

So, my little girl is 2 weeks old today. I can't believe how fast it's gone by already. As I've said in my previous post, I'm doing so much better. I feel like myself again, and I'm sure it's all because my mother-in-law did what she could to make sure that I had a normal week when she was here. I left the house several times and did some shopping. I also had some friends come and see B. It's so nice to just feel good. I would like to say that post pregnancy hormones are kinda scary. I felt a little out of sorts and like I had no control over my thoughts and emotions. My thoughts were never bad. The worst thing I thought was, "Man, I miss my old life." Can you believe that an infertility patient would say that? Two years of trying to get pregnant. . . heartache after heartache. . . and I literally was complaining. Actually, it's funny now. Thank God I only went through that for about a week and a half! I think Heather and I called it the BabyBlues Devil. If you are a reader of my blog, you remember the Infertility Devil, which haunts IF patients.

So Brooklyn is doing well. She is a content and rather easy going baby. When she wakes up, she'll lay there and stare at everything for about 15 minutes before wondering where we are. Today she stared at her "bear mobile" on her bouncy for about 20 minutes. I can't wait for her to meet S's twins so she has some real friends!


B also seems to have a schedule. Now, not that I would know this as Super Grandma has been taking care of her at night, but apparently she eats around 10:30pm, 1:30am, then 4:30am. Right now I'm on night shift and I did feed her at 10:30, so it looks like Super Grandma was right. Although, I do know that she's rather new and this schedule can change.

As for nursing, that is totally out the window. Luckily, I'm feeling better about it now. In short, we had a great nursing experience in the hospital. Lactation came to help and make sure things were good, and Brooklyn and I had no issues. Although, when we left the hospital, the nurses were worried about the amount of dirty diapers we were lacking. Also, lactation wanted to keep checking in as infertility patients tend to have more trouble nursing (probably hormone issues). When we left, they gave me that SNS system to supplement and nurse if needed. Well, the pediatrician was worried at Brooklyn's 3 day appointment. We were still not getting wet diapers and her weight was down to 6lb 10oz. Mr. LTM and I then uses the SNS tube system. You attach it to your boob and the baby gets formula at the same time as nursing. Well, after two nights of that piece of crap, I busted out the bottle and just gave her the damn formula. I began pumping with the Medela Freestyle I bought. Well, I notice that I wasn't getting much when pumping. I mean, I was getting like 15 ml. When I Googled, I realized I should be getting about 20 oz a day and I wasn't even getting 4 oz. Well, I took Brooklyn to lactation with Mr. LTM and they suggested a hospital grade pump. I rented that and here I am, a full week later, and I only get about an ounce, maybe a little less during each session. UGH. So, my last resort right now is Fenugreek. It's a vitamin supplement. I started it last night, and it's supposed to up supply. The lactation consultant wanted me to email some doctor in Canada so he could write me a prescription for a non FDA approved drug that would increase my supply. That is where I drew the line. Is it just me, or is formula better than taking an non approved drug? I know a lot of girls online do this, but it's not for me. Formula is perfectly healthy (and friggen expensive) and prescription drugs aren't the answer. So, long story short. . . I'm pump, pump, pumpin away and taking about 12 Fenugreek a day. If I don't see an improvement by Tuesday, I'm going to stop it all. I can't do 3 hours of pumping a day to give Brooklyn one bottle of breastmilk. I know it's better than nothing, but I'll keep my sanity.

Speaking of pumping, that's what I'm off to do. Plus, it's time for Mr. Later Than Most's shift!
Here is B. . . about 11 days old.

P.S. I only left the pic up for a short time. I'm too worried about random people getting it.

April 21, 2011

I'm Still Here!

Ah, it's so hard to update! Things are going well. My mother in law is there to help me this week and she has been a blessing. I'm starting to feel like myself again which is fab! I was so worried that I'd be stuck in a funk and for today, I'm feeling good.

Nursing update is I have very low supply. 15 minutes on a hospital grade pump and I barely get 20 ml which is less than a half ounce. I ordered some Fenugreek to see if it can increase my supply, but we'll see. That's fine, Brooklyn will be Enfamil's new poster baby :)


Mr. Later Than Most has been awesome. As soon as he comes in he runs over to see Brooklyn and take in here baby "smell." It's been hard having our regular routine disturbed, but you get used to it real fast. I cannot stress enough how nice it is to have someone here helping. After my MIL leaves, her mom is coming next week. Things won't be as easy for me, but helping hands are sure nice.

Brooklyn is getting so big. At our lactation appointment on Friday she was 7lb 6oz. Don't forget. . . four days before she was 6lb 10ounces at the pediatrician. Hopefully she's not 9 lbs at her pedi appointment on Monday!

S and I are looking forward to getting the girls together. After my help leaves, we plan to get together once a week. Even if we sit and do nothing, at least we'll have eachother's company. Today I texted her a picture of Brooklyn staring at her bear mobile on her bouncey. The text said, "looking forward to having real friends!" Ha!

Well, I'm leaving my baby right now to see my class! I'm so excited to see them as that's more "routine" for me. I know Brooklyn is in great hands, so I don't feel bad. God, I hope that doesn't make me a horrible mother! Eeek!

April 16, 2011

Changes

First change needed is this blog! I've got to get rid of the pregnancy badges and switch to mommy ones!

Brooklyn is doing well. She was back up to 7lb1oz at the pedi appointment. Thank you Enfamil ready feed bottles (which cost a little more than a buck a feeding. . . ouch!). After pumping, I realized I must be having supply issues. Normal amount to pump for seven days postpartum is 27oz. . . I'm getting about 7oz though I'm pumping every three hours. So, I maybe get 4 full bottles to feed Broolyn a day. It's better than nothing, but annoying. I did call lactation at the hospital to see if I'm dealing with low supply. They have us going in today. I'm prepared for them to tell me to breast feed her, then formula feed, and then pump. Well, I've already decided that I will not do all of that to feed my baby. I have a feeling I'll be formula feeding and pumping for a while.

I took so many baby classes, I wish they had one on what happens when the baby comes! LOL I was not prepared for all of the mixed feelings. I feel so guilty for even saying that. Mr. LTM has been awesome. Last night demanded I sleep for eight hours. Yes, eight. So, I slept and woke up to pump (so annoying). He stayed with her from 8pm until 8am. I do feel better and hopefully I'm caught up for now.

My mother in law is coming tomorrow for a week! She's going to stay here while Mr. LTM goes back to work on Monday. I'm sure this isn't ideal for most, but I'm excited about it. She's very relaxed and determined to get me back to a normal routine. She said something about a photo day and a painting nails day! LOL I'll keep you posted.

Thanks to the girls who left comments saying my feelings are normal. It really makes a difference to hear that. I promise to repay the favor to my six (yes six) friends who are expecting!

April 14, 2011

What Day is It?

Literally, it's hard to keep track of the days! Being a mommy is hard work! I barely get online anymore and I've been dying to update you. In short, Brooklyn is doing well. We are obviously still getting used to her. I thought I was the boss before. . . um no. Poor Mr. Later Than Most, I'm not sure how he's going to deal with two head-strong girls!

For being 33 years old and using infertility treatments, you'd think this mommy stuff would be easier. Um no. How do single moms and teen moms do this job? Sometimes it takes two of us to change her! I'm FREAKING out that Mr. Later Than Most goes back to work tomorrow. I'm telling you, when you are sleep deprived, you worry about the dumbest stuff!

Brooklyn is just starting to get on her own schedule. In the beginning, she would not sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time. We were dying! Now it looks like she's about 2 hours at a time, but I'm sure that's because of all of the FORMULA we've been giving her. Ugh. Actually, the formula is my biggest frustration. I planned on nursing. It went great in the hospital, but once we got her home and to the pediatrician, she was losing a lot of weight. Weight loss is normal, and I was prepared for docs to push formula. The only thing is, we were not getting the wet and dirty diapers from her that we were supposed to. That's why I knew we had to do something. They sent me home with a hose system that you attach to your boob (SNS) and nurse the baby with. That went totally fine, but I couldn't use it by myself. It has to be raised and lowered to control flow. It has to be taped on and then sides switched. I got so frustrated one night and we gave her a bottle. It was heartbreaking for me. I think there is so much pressure to breastfeed and then when you plan on doing it and something goes wrong, you just feel so disappointed. Actually I've had a lot of guilt about it. It sucks. Well, when we went back to the SNS, there was a lot more frustration for all of us. Brooklyn was also losing her latch and still not getting enough to eat. We had to start giving her bottles of formula. I tried one more time to go back to the SNS system myself (without help). She did latch on, but I couldn't figure out why I was putting myself through all of that. Mr. LTM keeps telling me that this is what's healthy for her, but I feel really guilty about not nursing. Right now I'm trying to pump every two hours and that's even hard. Today we go back to the pediatrician to check her weight. She was born at 7lb 5oz, left at 7lb and then was 6lb 10 oz on Monday's doctor visit. I know she'll be better today from drinking all of that formula, but it's still hard to get over.

Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I'm a go-getter and real organized. I tend to go above and beyond on what I do (just my personality). I mean, even my coupons are in alphabetical order! Mommyhood has sure thrown me for a loop. Tomorrow Mr. LTM goes back to work. OMG- I don't know how I'm going to do it alone! My mother in law is coming this weekend to stay with me for a week and help out. Bless her! Ugh, I told her it's not too late to change her mind! The baby will be easy, but it's me she has to deal with! LOL

Anyway- I'll try to update and let you know how the appointment went. I'm off to find some new mom blogs and make sure I'm not crazy :)

April 10, 2011

I'm A Mommy!

Well, I'm sure you thought something was up when I didn't start freaking out the night before my induction! Luckily, at 4:30a on Thursday I woke up with a stomachache. I thought, "this is it!" but to my surprise I had a successful bathroom experience (tmi) and figured that's what was going on. I went back to bed and had that pain again. I decided to go lay on the couch and get out my Itzbeen timer (thank you Christina!). After timing, these pains were regular and I figured this must be the start of labor. Luckily, Mr. Later Than Most had just noticed I was no longer in bed and he came to look for me. We timed the pains for about two hours and they were contsistently 4-5 minutes apart with a couple of random times in there. The pain started getting worse so we decided we should head to the hospital. It was so hard to even get dressed. Those contractions were about a minute and a half long and when they come every four minutes, you don't have much time to do anything!

Poor Mr. Later Than Most, he tried backrubs and talking to me and I wanted nothing to do with anyone. I didn't want him to see me in pain and I kinda pushed him away. Luckily, he was prepared! Every time I had a contraction he went off to do something else! LOL Finally, we got into the car and the ride sucked. Every one drove slow and these streets really need the potholes fixed. I think I dropped a couple of F bombs about needing better streets!

At the hospital (9am) they checked me into triage and decided to give me a check before being admitted. To my surprise I was 5cm dilated. They told me I was staying and mentioned the epidural when they saw how much pain I was in. I told them I would wait a while and I'm not even sure why. Anyway- They took me to my labor and delivery room and I got all registered. My nurse was about my age and very nice. She reminded me that if I didn't care for a natural birth, there was no reason to endure any more pain. True as it was, I ordered my drugs and 30 minutes later I got my epidural. Not much longer after I was laughing it up with the nurses about natural childbirth. I CANNOT imagine how women do that.

Ugh! Now, I'll start to sum things up! My epidural started to wear off about 4 hours later. The anesthesiologist came in and added a little something for me (non narcotic). The helped A LOT. I was back to feeling great. About 4 hours later the pain was setting in. The new anesthesiologist was tied up in a C-section, and I was in pain. I started crying to control the pain, but it didn't really help. My nurse couldn't do much, but there was an extra dose ready in the epidural. She tried that and it didn't work for me. I cried for about 50 minutes. I was having back pain, abdomen pain and for some reason pain in my ribs. The rib thing was the huge problem because I couldn't control my breathing. It's hard to use breathing methods when you can't get air in! I'd love to say there is a great solution here, but after I got another shot, this exact thing happened again. An hour later my new drug wore off and the anesthesiologists were both tied up in surgery. MLTM was very upset as they promised me this would not happen again. I cried for about 30 minutes and the nurse called my doctor to see if a narcotic was okay. Let me tell you that MLTM and I were very against this. I didn't want to keep taking all of these drugs. . . only the epi was in my immediate plan. However, I was very desperate and just wanting to breathe. After receiving it, I felt very loopy and realized the baby would be loopy too. Then I bawled my eyes out because I felt so guilty. MLTM knew whey I was upset and though the nurse reassured us that it was low dose and very safe, we still felt horrible.

Well, I got another shot of the original stuff one more time (non narcotic). No one could understand why it wasn't working like it did earlier in the day. By new it was midnight. The baby was still doing great, which was awesome. I forgot to add that they ended up giving me Pitocin at about 2pm because I was dilating, but my contractions were 7 to 8 minutes apart. They finally caught up around 10pm, but the doctor was waiting for the baby to drop as low as possible. Okay, so after that last shot, baby's heart rate was steady, but they wanted it to rise and drop a little more. They put me on oxygen and I slept with that for about 2 hours. Now it was 2am and I was calling for another shot as the rib pain was horrible and I had no urge to push. When the nurse came, she suggested checking me. I was 10 cm, the baby was low, and  this nurse didn't want me on any more drugs! Well, long story short, she taught me to push and I was a pro. after 8 sets of pushing she told me to hold off and she was calling the doctor. She called got a thing or two. The next thing I knew, MLTM was saying, "Melissa! She said not to push!" I was thinking, "Dude, WTF? I'm not pushing!" The nurse calming said to my husband, "Would you please push that red button?" About 1 minute later the room was FULL of nurses. Three of them rushed to me and I was wonder what was going on. Apparently, my little baby was not waiting another second! The baby literally slid right out and my nurse caught the baby and everything. This I didn't know as I was laying there. I asked, "Is the baby out?" They smiled and asked if I wanted to know what it was. Apparently MLTM looked himself and couldn't figure it out, hehehehehehe. My baby girl was born at 2:38 am on April 8th. She weighed 7lb 5oz and was 20 inches long. About a minute after she was born, my poor doctor arrived. He was literally walking down the hall as Brooklyn Renee made her way into the world!

Brooklyn scored 9s on both of her APGARs. She's perfect in every way. I cannot believe she is ours. She looks like MLTM to me, which I'm grateful for. :) It's been a very, very long journey and it's so surreal to think that I'm finally a mommy! The other night I went back through my earliest blogs and read the sadness, despair, and hope that I had with that first IVF cycle. I'm blessed to have had a perfect pregnancy, a rather easy birth, and now the most perfect little daughter in the world.

I will for sure post a picture as soon as I can. Nursing duty awaits (AGAIN). Thank you so much for sticking through my journey :)

Melissa

April 6, 2011

36 Hours to Go

Today I had a regular checkup for 40 weeks. I thought I was doing regular weight, urine, and blood pressure, but they hooked me up for monitoring and did a quick ultrasound. Here are the deets:

I've been strapped before. It was that great December Saturday that I got to spend in Labor and Delivery after Mr. Later Than Most slid into a car in a small snow we  had. I think he's still scared to drive. So, they hooked me up for about thirty minutes. I swear, I hate fetal monitoring. That damn thing freaks me out. When I was in L&D before, I asked them to turn the volume down. Today I was confident because I knew the baby was moving all over, so I didn't pay any attention to it. I did love watching the contraction monitor though. It did BIG FAT NOTHING. Yea, not one contraction here people. The doctor came in after about 30 minutes and read the tape. He said it was perfect. Whoo hoo! The teacher wants a sticker please!

So after the monitoring he said I needed an ultrasound. Um, okay I didn't know that. I do know though that last week he was incredibly busy so he whisked me out of that appointment ASAP! So, I think he forgot to go over this stuff with me. Either way, the ultrasound was to check amnionic fluid levels. He said I needed 8-24 units in order to let me go to my induction appointment on Friday. If not, it was off to the hospital for a c-section. That was an interesting little wake-up call! He hooked me up to the monitor and goes, "Wait, you don't want to know the sex right?" HOLY SHIT!!!! How did I forget to remind him. I almost freaked out! I said, "Oh thank goodness you are paying attention. . . my husband would have killed me." After that I kept daydreaming about going through 40 weeks of pregnancy and then the doctor slipping the sex because I'm a dingus. Well, the doctor kept the screen away from me seeing it and said that my level was 9.9, so I was good to go until Friday. Then, he watched the baby breath for a while and let me do the same. All I saw were these little lungs moving about. So cute.

So the plan, I have 36 hours to go into labor on my own. After that, it's 8am induction on Friday. The office will not lot expectant mothers go beyond 41 weeks which would bring me to next Tuesday. I figured I may as well just put it for Friday. I mean, I do know my baby is 40 weeks, thank you IVF. The induction is not the way I wanted to go. In fact, I've been vocalizing my wishes to stay away from Pitocin because it can cause a lot stronger contractions which are harder on the baby. The doc reassured me, but I still have my opinion. Either way, if Friday comes I can't avoid it. The sucky thing is that I'm just sitting now and waiting for Friday, which makes me very anxious. I mean, last night I was doing the, "Holy crap, I'm bringing a baby home this week." Come on, I know this and have had a very long time to anticipate it, but the mind games have begun. Mr. Later Than Most is just over the moon. I'd like to think it's because he wants some days off of work, but he truly is just ready to hold his baby. When I see how excited he is, it makes me feel so much more reassured.

Well, tomorrow I'm sure I'll write a freakout post pre-induction. Be prepared for that people!

***Note to readers: I've been lazy and not editing my posts. I'm very sorry.

April 3, 2011

Got the Pictures!

Ahh, I finally got dressed yesterday and went to get my pictures taken. I've gotta say, Mr. Later Than Most did a great job.  I kept canceling at the Picture People because I just couldn't bare having other people watching me. Instead, we went to a local Arboretum  and spent a couple of hours driving around and looking for photo spots. I'm not too keen on putting my face on my blog for the world to see, but I'll do some editing so you can see some. Please tell me you heard about that family who had their Christmas picture used on Europe billboards? LOL- It happens and I don't want to be that person!

No news on the baby front. Right now I'm watching the baby kick a spool of ribbon off of my stomach. Yes, that's what I'm doing. I had some Sprite and the ribbon action has really been entertaining!




April 2, 2011

"Four Days to Go"

Well, that's what my ticker says. But, what does it know anyway? Mr. Later Than Most thinks everyday is the "day." For weeks he's been asking the baby when it's going to come out. I always followed that conversation up with, "not for a few more weeks." Now I let him have the conversation! The good news is that I still feel like a million bucks. How lucky am I? That can't be totally normal! Again, not a lot going on the "progress" front. I had a ton of Braxton Hicks last night and they never amounted to anything.

Today should be fun (if I can get off of the damn couch). Mr. Later Than Most and I are going to a local park to take some pictures. I was going to do professional ones, and then I kept getting nervous and canceling the appointments. I don't know why. So, I feel much better just going causally and getting some pictures. I am very, very organized so the fact that I'm going just days before my due date literally cracks me up.

One way or another, this baby will be here in less than a week. My April 8th induction date is still sitting there. I really hate to get induced, so I may need to up my walking. The past few days have been yucky out, so I've walked Target and Walmart like there is no tomorrow. The only problem with this is that I end up buying stuff. So, these are expensive walks!

Yesterday I spend a couple of hours at S's house with her and the twins. OMG- they are just darling and so little! We thought maybe a little time together would make my baby want to meet hers. Yes, we are weird. But, it's fun to say that we can wait for the baby's to meet since they were labmates. Speaking of labmates, I noticed that Mr. Later Than Most will not be coming around with the IVF thing any time soon. When I mentioned the lab mates thing he gave me a look and said not to get too comfortable talking about that. It's weird to me but makes sense. I have several girlfriends that are going through treatments that I talk to or text, so it's in my real world. Also, I spend a lot of time on my websites talking and discussing things with other girls. Mr. Later Than Most has truly had a drive-by IVF experience. We did the shots and the procedures and since then he's had a pregnant wife. So, it's easy for him to not think about it. I do know that he has mentioned several times he's happy for the path we've taken and wouldn't have it any other way. Either way, I've mentioned this before, to me it's up to him. I've told some people and that's all that's needed. I've told about two people more than he knows, and that's fine. They are two girls that are struggling with treatments and there was no way I was going to let them feel like they were abnormal or alone. Mr. Later Than Most will realize this if the time comes.

Um, perhaps I should get ready for my pictures?