For the first time in two years, I'm happy to see good ole AF! There she was today, just four days after BC ends and day 7 of Lupron! Whoo hoo! Let me say, I'll be glad to ditch this Lupron! The injections are simple, but I have not slept in days. Kinda didn't notice that possible side effect!
So, I'm all excited to call the RE today because I know they'll let me come in ASAP for blood and an ultrasound. Well, not exactly. I called and they were full tomorrow! Holy fricken crap! How do you not allow an IVF patient to get a day 1 appointment? Well, actually I know the answer. They have to do all of the BW by 9:30am so it can't be sent to the hospital and back by 3pm. So, that's why they couldn't get me in. DARN! So my bloodwork and ultrasound are on Thursday. I'll take my Lupron on Thursday morning and be to the doctor by 7am. They'll do my bloodwork, ultrasound, and hormone levels as a baseline to compare the rest of the cycle to. Once the IVF doctor hears my levels, they'll varify how many units of Menopur and Follistim I'll start injecting. Luckily, MH seems to know how to mix the two (this is okay to do) and so I'll only have two shots a day for now. One in the morning and one at night. I'm suppose to start my stims (injections to grow follies) on Friday! I'm so excited because my TWW buddie Babatte is suppose to start the same day! Yahoo!
It's all so crazy. It comes so fast and here it's moving right along. I want to stay positive, but I'm an internet junkie who searches and searches too much. Ah, I need yoga today!
June 29, 2010
June 28, 2010
That Darned Conceive Article
One of the best parts of going to the RE's office is that they free magazines in for patients. I love grabbing my free copy of Conceive (which is normally like six bucks) and sometimes they even have Parent magazine. I like skimming that one while I wait for my appointment.
A couple of days ago I curled up with my free Conceive ($26,000 IVF - $6 Conceive= $25, 994) I wasn't too impressed with most of the articles. Well, that's because I've read like every fertility book there is. Although, one specific article caught my eye. This article referred to a research study on IVF. The article talked about a new technique done at the University of Michigan. In these labs, the embryologists rocked mouse embryos before they were transferred for, well, mouse IVF. They ROCKED the embryos! I can picture it: A lean gentleman with a white coat. Of course he is wearing glasses and has some sort of "official" badge hanging from his neck. I see him sitting in front of a microscope. He's looki
ng through the lens and watching some sort of movement from the egg and sperm of teeny little mice, I dunno. Then he picks up the petri dish, stands up, and begins to rock them back and fourth. But, their mouse IVF rate was 20% higher in those embryos that are rocked.
Now, this is intriguing. I know I just can't go into my RE and ask for my embryos to be rocked, but instead I went onto ITunes today and bought a couple of lullaby songs. I figured that I will listen to them after my transfer. I know it sounds crazy and I'm probably just a little bit nuts, but why not? I have nothing to lose!
A couple of days ago I curled up with my free Conceive ($26,000 IVF - $6 Conceive= $25, 994) I wasn't too impressed with most of the articles. Well, that's because I've read like every fertility book there is. Although, one specific article caught my eye. This article referred to a research study on IVF. The article talked about a new technique done at the University of Michigan. In these labs, the embryologists rocked mouse embryos before they were transferred for, well, mouse IVF. They ROCKED the embryos! I can picture it: A lean gentleman with a white coat. Of course he is wearing glasses and has some sort of "official" badge hanging from his neck. I see him sitting in front of a microscope. He's looki
ng through the lens and watching some sort of movement from the egg and sperm of teeny little mice, I dunno. Then he picks up the petri dish, stands up, and begins to rock them back and fourth. But, their mouse IVF rate was 20% higher in those embryos that are rocked.Now, this is intriguing. I know I just can't go into my RE and ask for my embryos to be rocked, but instead I went onto ITunes today and bought a couple of lullaby songs. I figured that I will listen to them after my transfer. I know it sounds crazy and I'm probably just a little bit nuts, but why not? I have nothing to lose!
June 27, 2010
And the Fun Continues
The worst part about trying to conceive is the comments you have to hear and listen to. I'm 32, so I'm at the age where most of my friends, especially the younger ones, are beginning to think about babies. It's actually coming up all the time. For someone struggling with IF, it's REALLY uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as when Mr. Later Than Most and I went to see that movie with Vince Vaughn and all those fun couples, oh yeah, Couples' Retreat. That movie was for sure a hit, except for those of us struggling with IF. I would say it hit a little too close to home. I actually remember trying not to cry in the theater.
So, I remember the first "friend" conversation about babies. It was about two years ago. We had already been trying for three months. Then, it felt like an eternity. We were hanging out with MH's BFF and his wife. She started talking about how they were going on a great vacation in 2010 (mind you, this was the middle of 2008). She was beaming with excitement. They were going to go to Jamaica in February of 2010 and they had it "all planned out." Those were her words. . . "all planned out." They were going to get pregnant in February of 2010. Now, by then I had read Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and I knew girls on sites that were struggling with TTC. I sat there and thought, "Wow. You have a lot to learn. Planning the month you'll get pregnant, two years ahead of time. You will probably not even ovulate on your one week Jamaican vacation" She never had to learn or read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It fucking worked. She got pregnant February 2010. It hurts to even type that. Life can be so unfair.
Big baby conversation number two. . . my friend's bachelorette party. Yes, you read that correctly, my friend's bachelorette party. That's where the next uncomfortable conversation took place. Let me set the scene: It was a destination bachelorette party. A bunch of us girls headed to Michigan for the weekend. We rented a huge house with an indoor pool and were ready to hit-up six wineries on a luxury bus. We all got there on a Friday night and went to a great crab-leg dinner. The martinis were flowing. At this point, I was lucky enough to find out about Amanda. She was another bridesmaid who was at a year mark of TTC. She had just gotten yet another BFN. She and I had a mini IF bond going, thank God. So, dinner was going great until two girls joined is. Friends of ours. One 4 months pregnant and the other was Mrs. Pregnant in February 2010. No one knew about her though. When they showed up, Amanda and I ordered stronger drinks. I remember praying that a baby conversation wouldn't start. So, we all left dinner and went to the house. And that starts the pregnancy talk. Mrs. 4 months along talked about how big she was. She actually called herself a whale. Mind you, she was about 110lbs at 4 months pregnant. Amanda and I started pouring more drinks. At one point we we took pictures of our own selves pretending to hang ourselves. That is my favorite picture of the weekend. Don't judge, we are the first to admit that we are jealous, and when something hurts so much, you have to do what you can to get through it. The spiked tea helped when Mrs. 4 months pulled out her ultrasound pictures. For the love of God, it was midnight and this was a bachelorette party! When we went to bed that night, my roommate asked me, "Melissa, do you and Mr. Later Than Most want kids?" I gave her the half-assed answer. The "go to" answer that requires no explanation. . . "Someday, Jen." Then God tormented me a little. Jen went on, "Do you ever worry that it just won't happen? What if you try to have kids and you can't?" Thanks a lot God. Luckily, Jen fell asleep with a beer in her hand and the questions stopped there.
Last night was probably the hardest for me in the baby conversation department. Mr. Later Than Most and I went to a bbq at a friend's house. It was maybe just six couples. We drank most of the day and we were getting close to going home. We were chilling around the fire and one girl started telling another girl that she wasn't taking her birth control pills anymore. The other girl was all, "ZOMG! Meeee toooooo!" I thought, "Oh shit. Here we go again." Girl number began to tell (right in front of everyone), how she hasn't been on her pill for like 6 months. " We're not trying" she said, "but I'm surprised I'm not pregnant." I was surprised too, considering everyone around me seems to be able to plan this shit out about two years in advance. At this point, the conversation got ugly. In fact, I wanted to call Amanda and see if she could come and help me hang myself for real this time. Girl number one went on, "What if I can't get pregnant? What if I'm THAT GIRL who just can't get pregnant and is infertile. How sucky would that be? Then I'd have to adopt some Asian kid."
Wow, I was that girl. That girl who couldn't get pregnant. I just sat there and hopefully didn't show any emotion. If this girl only knew how much that hurt. That effing hurt. Mr. Later Than Most and I didn't talk it about. We both pretented not to hear it, kinda like when we saw Couples' Retreat.
Ah, just another night in the world of hiding your infertility.
So, I remember the first "friend" conversation about babies. It was about two years ago. We had already been trying for three months. Then, it felt like an eternity. We were hanging out with MH's BFF and his wife. She started talking about how they were going on a great vacation in 2010 (mind you, this was the middle of 2008). She was beaming with excitement. They were going to go to Jamaica in February of 2010 and they had it "all planned out." Those were her words. . . "all planned out." They were going to get pregnant in February of 2010. Now, by then I had read Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and I knew girls on sites that were struggling with TTC. I sat there and thought, "Wow. You have a lot to learn. Planning the month you'll get pregnant, two years ahead of time. You will probably not even ovulate on your one week Jamaican vacation" She never had to learn or read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It fucking worked. She got pregnant February 2010. It hurts to even type that. Life can be so unfair.
Big baby conversation number two. . . my friend's bachelorette party. Yes, you read that correctly, my friend's bachelorette party. That's where the next uncomfortable conversation took place. Let me set the scene: It was a destination bachelorette party. A bunch of us girls headed to Michigan for the weekend. We rented a huge house with an indoor pool and were ready to hit-up six wineries on a luxury bus. We all got there on a Friday night and went to a great crab-leg dinner. The martinis were flowing. At this point, I was lucky enough to find out about Amanda. She was another bridesmaid who was at a year mark of TTC. She had just gotten yet another BFN. She and I had a mini IF bond going, thank God. So, dinner was going great until two girls joined is. Friends of ours. One 4 months pregnant and the other was Mrs. Pregnant in February 2010. No one knew about her though. When they showed up, Amanda and I ordered stronger drinks. I remember praying that a baby conversation wouldn't start. So, we all left dinner and went to the house. And that starts the pregnancy talk. Mrs. 4 months along talked about how big she was. She actually called herself a whale. Mind you, she was about 110lbs at 4 months pregnant. Amanda and I started pouring more drinks. At one point we we took pictures of our own selves pretending to hang ourselves. That is my favorite picture of the weekend. Don't judge, we are the first to admit that we are jealous, and when something hurts so much, you have to do what you can to get through it. The spiked tea helped when Mrs. 4 months pulled out her ultrasound pictures. For the love of God, it was midnight and this was a bachelorette party! When we went to bed that night, my roommate asked me, "Melissa, do you and Mr. Later Than Most want kids?" I gave her the half-assed answer. The "go to" answer that requires no explanation. . . "Someday, Jen." Then God tormented me a little. Jen went on, "Do you ever worry that it just won't happen? What if you try to have kids and you can't?" Thanks a lot God. Luckily, Jen fell asleep with a beer in her hand and the questions stopped there.
Last night was probably the hardest for me in the baby conversation department. Mr. Later Than Most and I went to a bbq at a friend's house. It was maybe just six couples. We drank most of the day and we were getting close to going home. We were chilling around the fire and one girl started telling another girl that she wasn't taking her birth control pills anymore. The other girl was all, "ZOMG! Meeee toooooo!" I thought, "Oh shit. Here we go again." Girl number began to tell (right in front of everyone), how she hasn't been on her pill for like 6 months. " We're not trying" she said, "but I'm surprised I'm not pregnant." I was surprised too, considering everyone around me seems to be able to plan this shit out about two years in advance. At this point, the conversation got ugly. In fact, I wanted to call Amanda and see if she could come and help me hang myself for real this time. Girl number one went on, "What if I can't get pregnant? What if I'm THAT GIRL who just can't get pregnant and is infertile. How sucky would that be? Then I'd have to adopt some Asian kid."
Wow, I was that girl. That girl who couldn't get pregnant. I just sat there and hopefully didn't show any emotion. If this girl only knew how much that hurt. That effing hurt. Mr. Later Than Most and I didn't talk it about. We both pretented not to hear it, kinda like when we saw Couples' Retreat.
Ah, just another night in the world of hiding your infertility.
June 26, 2010
I'm Trying to Be Good
There are just lists and lists of things you can do to "improve" your chances for IVF. I'm doing yoga, eating more protein, getting massages and acupuncture. Now mind you, there are even more things you can do to improve your chances when just plain old TTC the regular way. I did those friggen things but they didn't allow me to see those two pink lines. It's actually kinda funny because I did all of these things, but none of them are for MFI. Ha, if we only knew! So, here are SOME of those things:
1. Temped and charted: Yes, waking up every morning and shoving a thermometer in my mouth. It lets you know if you're ovulating and can confirm ovulation. It's actually great if you love to torment yourself. Each day you can analyze and analyze your temp. Did I ovulate? Is that a rise? OMG- my temp is one tenth higher on 7dpo than it was the past 5 months at 7dpo! I wonder if it's a sign? I was even taking some night temps just to analyze more. Hahahahaha
2. Fertilitea: Yum! Tea is good for you, so why not let it get you pregnant? Sounds too good to be true? Well, it is. But hey, the tea is cheap compared to other fertility tricks, and I got some good CM for a while there! Oh, and the picture on the front is this lady walking through a meadow holding her maybe baby. How promising is that?
3. Lots of over-the-counter helpers: Mucinex, Robitussin, Geritol, FertilityBlend, Evening Primrose Oil: Don't worry, I didn't take them all at the same time. Ha! You were thinking "No wonder she can't get pregnant! She O'ded her eggs!
4. OPKs: Known as peeing on your paycheck. Actually, I do like them. You start off buying the Internet cheapies. After no BFP you move onto digital hoping they are more accurate. Then you really pee on your check when you buy the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor. Now don't get me wrong, this is an awesome device, but it doesn't help MFI. I liked it a lot because my O day is never the same. Although, I would have liked a nice shiny Coach wallet even more for that money.
5. Instead Cups: Yea, they can help! The poor TTCers kinda IUI at home. Just get it on and insert the cup. It's actually really easy, but it's probably the reason I have a mycroplasma infection. No worries, they just throw a ton of anibiotics in to the list of drugs to take during the IVF cycle. What's two more pills each day? At least I'm not injecting them.
6. PreSeed: Oh, girls swear by this stuff and I actually like it too. It helps the swimmers have a nice smooth journey. Well. . . unless your swimmers have three heads and two tails because of morphology issues. Then PreSeed just helps them spin in circles faster while your 32 year old egg is just waiting for its moment to finally shine.
7. Timing Differences: These were always fun. First, sex twice a day. Then after a month, every day but once a day. Then after a few months, every other day. Then, after we found our MFI, once every two days. Oh screw that. I get to let the doctor do it for me. And don't think I won't wear a "My Doctor Knocked Me Up" shirt to my someday baby shower. It will go great with the photos of all my iIVF drugs and one of MH injecting me in the stomach with Lupron. Oh, and we'll of course play those infertility games Christina made-up months ago. My fav was pin the two-headed sperm onto the egg. I want to make the game more authentic though: the guests will be spun around in the parking lot and they'll have to find their way back into the baby shower while traveling on only one leg. Yup, that's what our MFI swimmers do!
8. Cut out caffeine: Now really, all this did was save me some money because I couldn't go to Starbucks. I just dropped that cash back on the CBEFM sticks.
There are more things, but really, now I'm just embarrassing myself. If someone who has never TTC reads this blog, they'll think I'm a total psycho. Oh, just you wait innocent blog reader. . . just you wait!
These MFI comments kinda make me seem insensitive to our situation, but I'm really not. You have to deal with what you have. I wish our IF was my issue, then I wouldn't have to worry about him feeling like things are his fault. I wouldn't trade my husband in for a guy with 270 million sperm with 100% morphology. Okay wait. Maybe if he were Ryan Phillipe, but he's the only one I might trade MH for. Ahhh, Mr. Later Than Most would not be surprised by that statement. It's okay, he teases me about his girlfriend. . . Kathryn McPhee.
1. Temped and charted: Yes, waking up every morning and shoving a thermometer in my mouth. It lets you know if you're ovulating and can confirm ovulation. It's actually great if you love to torment yourself. Each day you can analyze and analyze your temp. Did I ovulate? Is that a rise? OMG- my temp is one tenth higher on 7dpo than it was the past 5 months at 7dpo! I wonder if it's a sign? I was even taking some night temps just to analyze more. Hahahahaha
2. Fertilitea: Yum! Tea is good for you, so why not let it get you pregnant? Sounds too good to be true? Well, it is. But hey, the tea is cheap compared to other fertility tricks, and I got some good CM for a while there! Oh, and the picture on the front is this lady walking through a meadow holding her maybe baby. How promising is that?
3. Lots of over-the-counter helpers: Mucinex, Robitussin, Geritol, FertilityBlend, Evening Primrose Oil: Don't worry, I didn't take them all at the same time. Ha! You were thinking "No wonder she can't get pregnant! She O'ded her eggs!
4. OPKs: Known as peeing on your paycheck. Actually, I do like them. You start off buying the Internet cheapies. After no BFP you move onto digital hoping they are more accurate. Then you really pee on your check when you buy the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor. Now don't get me wrong, this is an awesome device, but it doesn't help MFI. I liked it a lot because my O day is never the same. Although, I would have liked a nice shiny Coach wallet even more for that money.
5. Instead Cups: Yea, they can help! The poor TTCers kinda IUI at home. Just get it on and insert the cup. It's actually really easy, but it's probably the reason I have a mycroplasma infection. No worries, they just throw a ton of anibiotics in to the list of drugs to take during the IVF cycle. What's two more pills each day? At least I'm not injecting them.
6. PreSeed: Oh, girls swear by this stuff and I actually like it too. It helps the swimmers have a nice smooth journey. Well. . . unless your swimmers have three heads and two tails because of morphology issues. Then PreSeed just helps them spin in circles faster while your 32 year old egg is just waiting for its moment to finally shine.
7. Timing Differences: These were always fun. First, sex twice a day. Then after a month, every day but once a day. Then after a few months, every other day. Then, after we found our MFI, once every two days. Oh screw that. I get to let the doctor do it for me. And don't think I won't wear a "My Doctor Knocked Me Up" shirt to my someday baby shower. It will go great with the photos of all my iIVF drugs and one of MH injecting me in the stomach with Lupron. Oh, and we'll of course play those infertility games Christina made-up months ago. My fav was pin the two-headed sperm onto the egg. I want to make the game more authentic though: the guests will be spun around in the parking lot and they'll have to find their way back into the baby shower while traveling on only one leg. Yup, that's what our MFI swimmers do!
8. Cut out caffeine: Now really, all this did was save me some money because I couldn't go to Starbucks. I just dropped that cash back on the CBEFM sticks.
There are more things, but really, now I'm just embarrassing myself. If someone who has never TTC reads this blog, they'll think I'm a total psycho. Oh, just you wait innocent blog reader. . . just you wait!
These MFI comments kinda make me seem insensitive to our situation, but I'm really not. You have to deal with what you have. I wish our IF was my issue, then I wouldn't have to worry about him feeling like things are his fault. I wouldn't trade my husband in for a guy with 270 million sperm with 100% morphology. Okay wait. Maybe if he were Ryan Phillipe, but he's the only one I might trade MH for. Ahhh, Mr. Later Than Most would not be surprised by that statement. It's okay, he teases me about his girlfriend. . . Kathryn McPhee.
June 25, 2010
A Shout-Out for Christina
The Internet is one of my favorite things. I used to go on the Internet for shopping and just looking up info, but when I started TTC, I found the TWW website. It's a site where a bunch of girls come together and talk about trying to conceive and pregnancy. I found the site when I was in my first two week wait. Like most crazy ttcers, I was stalking my symptoms online and I came across the site. I instantly blinged a profile out and started posting.
Next month, I'll have been posting on that site for two years. Though I'm still without a friggen baby, I have made some close friends. Now, it sounds weird to make friends on the internet, but come on, it's 2010. Yes, I have plenty of friends IRL. I don't need "Internet" friends, but there is something about bonding with girls who are in your situation. You begin to depend on them for support. I actually think Mr. Later Than Most loves these girls too because they get the brunt of my frustrations, anger, sadness and hope when it exists.
So, today I'm shouting-out to Christina. She's the sweetest, most lovable and supportive girl. She's been on TWW for about as long as I have. She's enduring the frustrations of TTC and actually telling about it. Month's ago Christina blogged about TLC and how they were looking for stories about TTC. Actually, it had been a TWW joke for a long time. You'd see blog titles with "Hey TLC, Where is a TTC Story?" Finally, TLC was going to try it. Christina was accepted for the part, and I'm proud of her for telling her infertility story to the world. She represents all of us girls who struggle with infertility. She lets others know, that though you may feel alone, you really are not.
You can follow Christina's story on www.tlc.com. The option to click on on A Conception Story will pop up.
Christina, I know times have been tough girl. Just know we all care and I'm thinking about you everyday :)
Next month, I'll have been posting on that site for two years. Though I'm still without a friggen baby, I have made some close friends. Now, it sounds weird to make friends on the internet, but come on, it's 2010. Yes, I have plenty of friends IRL. I don't need "Internet" friends, but there is something about bonding with girls who are in your situation. You begin to depend on them for support. I actually think Mr. Later Than Most loves these girls too because they get the brunt of my frustrations, anger, sadness and hope when it exists.
So, today I'm shouting-out to Christina. She's the sweetest, most lovable and supportive girl. She's been on TWW for about as long as I have. She's enduring the frustrations of TTC and actually telling about it. Month's ago Christina blogged about TLC and how they were looking for stories about TTC. Actually, it had been a TWW joke for a long time. You'd see blog titles with "Hey TLC, Where is a TTC Story?" Finally, TLC was going to try it. Christina was accepted for the part, and I'm proud of her for telling her infertility story to the world. She represents all of us girls who struggle with infertility. She lets others know, that though you may feel alone, you really are not.
You can follow Christina's story on www.tlc.com. The option to click on on A Conception Story will pop up.
Christina, I know times have been tough girl. Just know we all care and I'm thinking about you everyday :)
June 24, 2010
Paris Theme. . . It's more than a Template
Warning- this is long!
I do like Paris. In fact, I went with my husband (before he was my husband) and his family in 2005. We did this whole European trip. We went to London, then took a ferry to France, and finally a train to Rome. It was a great time, and I think my husband and I found out a lot about each other. Also, it was romantic and just plain fun.
Modern day, March 2010. TTC was kicking my ass. Kinda depressed. Crying way too much. Almost just losing myself. In fact, I noticed I was literally avoiding people because I was worried they would tell me they were pregnant. I don't think I saw my BFF for 6 months, and she doesn't even want kids. Well, she doesn't think she does and that was just too risky for me, so I avoided her too. Luckily, I noticed this.
One day, I called my mom and told her I needed a vaca. My mom and I have always been travel buddies. She's divorced, and my other sisters never have the time or the money to go with her. So, I told her I wanted to go to Florida and just chill on the beach. I knew I could count on her! She agreed and it turned into a Florida road trip! We dragged my 13 year old nephew along and hit Disney World, which is my favorite place in the United States. On one of our Disney excursions, we went to Epcot. It's not my favorite park, but I wanted my nephew to see it. Epcot is really the cause of the Eiffel tower on the this blog.
So at Epcot they have many "countries" for you to visit. Being a shopper, I tried to buy something from each country. I got some chopsticks in Japan (love that sushi), tea in England, and many more things. While shopping in "Paris", I got distracted by some photo postcards. They were brightly colored. . . just adorable! They were about 8x10 cute as can be. Now, please know that I'm bad at estimation, so they are either half that size or double it! Anyway- they had nursery themes on them and they were written in French. Well, quickly my memories of visiting Paris came back to me. I loved those days with my husband. So, right there is Disney, I committed the ultimate TTC crime: purchasing for baby before you have baby! Now let's be honest. . . I had bought What to Expect When You are Expecting and subscribed to Fit Pregnancy when we first started trying in 2008. I'm very much the planner type and, well, I was young. Since then, I haven't bought anything for my nonexistent baby except hundreds of dollars in ovulation kits, pregnancy tests, fertility books, and the Clear Blue Monitor. Sooooo, here I was at Disney, loving these postcards. I knew I would never find them again, and they were only $2.50 each. What if I got my BFP and never had them? All of a sudden, I wanted a Paris themed baby nursery so bad, but I just didn't have a baby! I caved and bought the postcards. I just had to.
When I came back from Disney, I secretly hid the postcards on top of our book self in the bedroom. About four weeks later, we had our first RE appointment. From there we knew we would use fertility treatments and we were fine with that. At least we had some hope of getting our baby.
Well, about 4 weeks ago I was shopping in Target (again). I cannot get out of that place without dropping a hunny (I think that means $100 in rap songs)! Anyway, I was cruising the paintings and pictures and something adorable caught my eye. Could this be? A childlike painting of the Eiffel Tower that matched my Paris postcards? Fuckity fuck (Juno refrence)! They had the picture in green or blue. I knew that either option would work because my husband and I decided that someday, we would be on Team Green. But which color matched the postcards? It was on sale for only $20, and I knew I would someday get a baby through Assisted Reproductive Technology. I needed this painting, but I didn't know which color matched the postcards better. I was desperate for this picture and in a moment of insanity, I called Mr. Later Than Most.
Me: Hi Babe! Listen, I'm at Target and I want to buy something, but I don't know which color I need. Can you go on the top of the book shelf and tell me the dominate color of the postcards in the Disney bag?
Mr. Later: Um, alright. What are they?
Me: Postcards. Look, you can't ask me any questions about them. Just tell me the color.
Well, you and I both know how this went. He figured out what they were, and I had to confess about my imaginary baby nursery idea. I thought I was in trouble but something weird happened. My husband wasn't annoyed at me shopping for a baby we STILL don't have. He was disappointed that I made a nursery decision without him! Awwwwwwww! So, I did what any loving and baby crazy wife would do. I texted him pictures of the Eiffel Tower paintings and let him choose if he wanted the blue or the green. He chose the blue. :)
The background of this blog is a template from Blogger. To me, it truly represents our journey and trouble trying to conceive. Lately, it represents a slight bit of hope we both have.
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Here is a picture of the postcards and the painting. Someday I hope to post a picture of them in a nursery.
I do like Paris. In fact, I went with my husband (before he was my husband) and his family in 2005. We did this whole European trip. We went to London, then took a ferry to France, and finally a train to Rome. It was a great time, and I think my husband and I found out a lot about each other. Also, it was romantic and just plain fun.
Modern day, March 2010. TTC was kicking my ass. Kinda depressed. Crying way too much. Almost just losing myself. In fact, I noticed I was literally avoiding people because I was worried they would tell me they were pregnant. I don't think I saw my BFF for 6 months, and she doesn't even want kids. Well, she doesn't think she does and that was just too risky for me, so I avoided her too. Luckily, I noticed this.
One day, I called my mom and told her I needed a vaca. My mom and I have always been travel buddies. She's divorced, and my other sisters never have the time or the money to go with her. So, I told her I wanted to go to Florida and just chill on the beach. I knew I could count on her! She agreed and it turned into a Florida road trip! We dragged my 13 year old nephew along and hit Disney World, which is my favorite place in the United States. On one of our Disney excursions, we went to Epcot. It's not my favorite park, but I wanted my nephew to see it. Epcot is really the cause of the Eiffel tower on the this blog.
So at Epcot they have many "countries" for you to visit. Being a shopper, I tried to buy something from each country. I got some chopsticks in Japan (love that sushi), tea in England, and many more things. While shopping in "Paris", I got distracted by some photo postcards. They were brightly colored. . . just adorable! They were about 8x10 cute as can be. Now, please know that I'm bad at estimation, so they are either half that size or double it! Anyway- they had nursery themes on them and they were written in French. Well, quickly my memories of visiting Paris came back to me. I loved those days with my husband. So, right there is Disney, I committed the ultimate TTC crime: purchasing for baby before you have baby! Now let's be honest. . . I had bought What to Expect When You are Expecting and subscribed to Fit Pregnancy when we first started trying in 2008. I'm very much the planner type and, well, I was young. Since then, I haven't bought anything for my nonexistent baby except hundreds of dollars in ovulation kits, pregnancy tests, fertility books, and the Clear Blue Monitor. Sooooo, here I was at Disney, loving these postcards. I knew I would never find them again, and they were only $2.50 each. What if I got my BFP and never had them? All of a sudden, I wanted a Paris themed baby nursery so bad, but I just didn't have a baby! I caved and bought the postcards. I just had to.
When I came back from Disney, I secretly hid the postcards on top of our book self in the bedroom. About four weeks later, we had our first RE appointment. From there we knew we would use fertility treatments and we were fine with that. At least we had some hope of getting our baby.
Well, about 4 weeks ago I was shopping in Target (again). I cannot get out of that place without dropping a hunny (I think that means $100 in rap songs)! Anyway, I was cruising the paintings and pictures and something adorable caught my eye. Could this be? A childlike painting of the Eiffel Tower that matched my Paris postcards? Fuckity fuck (Juno refrence)! They had the picture in green or blue. I knew that either option would work because my husband and I decided that someday, we would be on Team Green. But which color matched the postcards? It was on sale for only $20, and I knew I would someday get a baby through Assisted Reproductive Technology. I needed this painting, but I didn't know which color matched the postcards better. I was desperate for this picture and in a moment of insanity, I called Mr. Later Than Most.
Me: Hi Babe! Listen, I'm at Target and I want to buy something, but I don't know which color I need. Can you go on the top of the book shelf and tell me the dominate color of the postcards in the Disney bag?
Mr. Later: Um, alright. What are they?
Me: Postcards. Look, you can't ask me any questions about them. Just tell me the color.
Well, you and I both know how this went. He figured out what they were, and I had to confess about my imaginary baby nursery idea. I thought I was in trouble but something weird happened. My husband wasn't annoyed at me shopping for a baby we STILL don't have. He was disappointed that I made a nursery decision without him! Awwwwwwww! So, I did what any loving and baby crazy wife would do. I texted him pictures of the Eiffel Tower paintings and let him choose if he wanted the blue or the green. He chose the blue. :)
The background of this blog is a template from Blogger. To me, it truly represents our journey and trouble trying to conceive. Lately, it represents a slight bit of hope we both have.
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Here is a picture of the postcards and the painting. Someday I hope to post a picture of them in a nursery.
June 23, 2010
Lupron, Schmupron!
Day one of Lupron injections. . . so easy. Those needles are just teeny tiny. I'm not going to lie, I barely slept last night. I think I was just so excited to get this whole thing started. Though the whole shin-dig doesn't really start until stims, I consider this the beginning of my IVF cycle! Whoo hoo!
So, I've noticed how positive I've been lately, and once in a while, that little IF devil sits on my shoulder and gives me an ear-tug.
IF Devil: Why are you so excited? You know this isn't going to work. Go back to being depressed.
Me: Go away! I loved my Lupron injection. Scram or I'm getting the fly swatter.
IF Devil: BFN, BFN. You don't want to get your hopes up like you have in the past. Have you not learned anything the past two years?
Me: But Dr. Miller says this is going to work. I'm going to get my LO someday. And Mr. Later Than Most told me to appreciate my working out, because I may soon enough have to take it easy. Even he is being positive.
IF Devil: Yea, yea. Heard it, heard it. You are taking a big chance with your positive attitude. Soon enough it'll be, "I told you so."
And so goes the story of IF. Just when you are up, you kinda have to make yourself come back to reality.
Well, screw you IF! I did yoga this morning and I'm feeling good (thanks for the tip Babatte from TWW)!
So, I've noticed how positive I've been lately, and once in a while, that little IF devil sits on my shoulder and gives me an ear-tug.
IF Devil: Why are you so excited? You know this isn't going to work. Go back to being depressed.
Me: Go away! I loved my Lupron injection. Scram or I'm getting the fly swatter.
IF Devil: BFN, BFN. You don't want to get your hopes up like you have in the past. Have you not learned anything the past two years?
Me: But Dr. Miller says this is going to work. I'm going to get my LO someday. And Mr. Later Than Most told me to appreciate my working out, because I may soon enough have to take it easy. Even he is being positive.
IF Devil: Yea, yea. Heard it, heard it. You are taking a big chance with your positive attitude. Soon enough it'll be, "I told you so."
And so goes the story of IF. Just when you are up, you kinda have to make yourself come back to reality.
Well, screw you IF! I did yoga this morning and I'm feeling good (thanks for the tip Babatte from TWW)!
June 22, 2010
IVF Consult. . .Check!
Well, another appointment down. The good news is that this one went great! IVF consult is where you really get to "learn" everything. There is a lot, and I was so glad Mr. Later Than Most was there to learn it all with me. Nothing was too surprising. We agreed to IVF with ICSI. Because of our male factor fertility, ICSI will go ahead and just put the sperm right into the egg. Thank you Science discoveries! We also agreed to assisted hatching. The Embryologist will put a cut in the egg to help it shed its shell if need be. Of course they tell you the risk of Higher Order Multiples (HOM). When she mentioned it, I told her I call it Buy One Get One Free. MH giggled, the nurse didn't but I really think she enjoyed it. One thing that was a little interesting, they suggested 2-3 embryos to transfer. Um, come again? Three embryos? Holy shit. I quickly explained the potential of six babies (I know it's rare. But I can't go from zero babies to six) to MH. Although we are all about the Buy One Get One Free possibility, we agreed to just transfer two embryos.
After the lengthy paper work signing (I should have bought a cute gel pen for all of that), the nurse went through and explained all of the injections and how to do them. MH was great! He understood everything and is ready to mix this with that. So, tomorrow I'll start Lupron injections in the morning. We'll do that for five days and then I will stop my birth control pills. You gotta love how they put you on BC to get pregnant! I'll then wait for my period (hopefully the last friggen one), and then I'll go back in for blood and ultrasound. If all is well, hello to Menopur and Follistim injections. The nurse taught Mr. Later Than Most how to mix them together. Thank goodness for that! I wasn't really down with the Lupron, Menopur, and Follistim injections all in one day! Now, two needles instead of three! BTW- I'm not too scared of needles, and I'll be really, really nice to MH since he will be in charge of the injections. We finally finished injection training and we talked about progesterone suppositories. When she began to demonstrate the vag stick, I turned to MH and said, "If you don't mind, I'll do these on my own." Hehehehehe. The nurse laughed very loudly for about one entire minute. SCORE!
So, tomorrow starts the Lupron injections! Let's get this show on the road!
After the lengthy paper work signing (I should have bought a cute gel pen for all of that), the nurse went through and explained all of the injections and how to do them. MH was great! He understood everything and is ready to mix this with that. So, tomorrow I'll start Lupron injections in the morning. We'll do that for five days and then I will stop my birth control pills. You gotta love how they put you on BC to get pregnant! I'll then wait for my period (hopefully the last friggen one), and then I'll go back in for blood and ultrasound. If all is well, hello to Menopur and Follistim injections. The nurse taught Mr. Later Than Most how to mix them together. Thank goodness for that! I wasn't really down with the Lupron, Menopur, and Follistim injections all in one day! Now, two needles instead of three! BTW- I'm not too scared of needles, and I'll be really, really nice to MH since he will be in charge of the injections. We finally finished injection training and we talked about progesterone suppositories. When she began to demonstrate the vag stick, I turned to MH and said, "If you don't mind, I'll do these on my own." Hehehehehe. The nurse laughed very loudly for about one entire minute. SCORE!
So, tomorrow starts the Lupron injections! Let's get this show on the road!
June 21, 2010
The Baby BiPolar Way of Thinking
The first three months of trying to conceive you are such a newbie. You expect that BFP from the very first month. After your first negative, you think "Duh, it's not going to happen the first month!" You smile and get back on the timed intercourse train. Month two, you do the "Duh" thing again. After month three, it all changes. My TWW BFF Heather and I call this Baby BiPolar.
With Baby BiPolar, you begin to convince yourself that you don't really care anymore. You take on the, "whatever happens, happens" way of thinking. This normally occurs from CD 2-8. Around CD 8 you begin to get excited again. You want that baby and nothing is going to stop you. You bust out your Internet ovulation sticks, your Dollar Tree sticks, your Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (that costs the same as a Coach wallet) and you even swear to temp each morning. This is a typical case of BBP (Baby BiPolar). Then, after ovulation, you go back to not caring again. Here comes the "whatever happens, happens" thinking. You are enjoying your wine, beer, and sushi (drink till the line is pink!). Finally, after your two week wait is over, you may test. For those with IF, it's a BFN of course! Now, CD1 you cry your eyes out. You hold that pregnancy test onto a light bulb just dying to see what a friggen second line would look like. Guess what? There is nothing there. Now you cry your eyes out (thanks BBP!). You know you'll never be a mother. And damn that adoption paperwork for being so long or you would start filling it out. You try to tell your husband that it didn't work, again. Sometimes, you don't even tell him and you just give him your next ovulation date. Around CD 2, the BBP kicks in all over again.
There are many other types of BBP. One less severe kind is where you wake up late one morning and think, "Man I love sleeping in. I can't do this with a baby." Then you run to the bathroom and POAS. Another more severe case of BBP, is where you don't even have the "baby dance" anymore. This is an effort to avoid that BFN totally. You just skip the sex and know that you don't have to wonder if you'll get your BFP, because unless it's immaculate conception, it's not going to happen.
Yup, Baby BiPolar. Another fun effect of trying for that little one just way too long.
With Baby BiPolar, you begin to convince yourself that you don't really care anymore. You take on the, "whatever happens, happens" way of thinking. This normally occurs from CD 2-8. Around CD 8 you begin to get excited again. You want that baby and nothing is going to stop you. You bust out your Internet ovulation sticks, your Dollar Tree sticks, your Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (that costs the same as a Coach wallet) and you even swear to temp each morning. This is a typical case of BBP (Baby BiPolar). Then, after ovulation, you go back to not caring again. Here comes the "whatever happens, happens" thinking. You are enjoying your wine, beer, and sushi (drink till the line is pink!). Finally, after your two week wait is over, you may test. For those with IF, it's a BFN of course! Now, CD1 you cry your eyes out. You hold that pregnancy test onto a light bulb just dying to see what a friggen second line would look like. Guess what? There is nothing there. Now you cry your eyes out (thanks BBP!). You know you'll never be a mother. And damn that adoption paperwork for being so long or you would start filling it out. You try to tell your husband that it didn't work, again. Sometimes, you don't even tell him and you just give him your next ovulation date. Around CD 2, the BBP kicks in all over again.
There are many other types of BBP. One less severe kind is where you wake up late one morning and think, "Man I love sleeping in. I can't do this with a baby." Then you run to the bathroom and POAS. Another more severe case of BBP, is where you don't even have the "baby dance" anymore. This is an effort to avoid that BFN totally. You just skip the sex and know that you don't have to wonder if you'll get your BFP, because unless it's immaculate conception, it's not going to happen.
Yup, Baby BiPolar. Another fun effect of trying for that little one just way too long.
June 20, 2010
Preparing for the Big Consult
We'll have our IVF consult on Tuesday. Two days ago I received all of my meds. FedEx said the meds would arrive before 10:30am. I got up extra early (yea at 8am) and got dressed and everything. Thank God for all of my social network sites. They kept me busy until my package arrived at 10:29am. No, this is not a lie. Later than most? I know, just a coincidence.
Unpacking those meds were fun! As one of my TWWers said, "it's like Christmas." Yea it was Kari! I unloaded them and made sure to take pictures. Who knows when those bad boys may come in handy. I envision this IF slide show at my first baby shower. Sure everyone will probably think I'm creepy, but whatever. I'm such an organizer: I even ran out to WalMart to buy a plastic container for all of those meds.
Today was prep event #2 for the IVF consult. I had to read through all of the legal documents. Then, I had to get MH to read through them. This I was a little nervous about. Why? First, I always need something to worry about. It's a flaw. So, I worried about showing him the papers. Actually, it all went really well. We agreed on most things, some things we need clarified. Because of all of my neurotic web searching and book reading on IF, I obviously know a little more than him. So explaining it all was difficult. Sometimes I have the words and ideas in my head, but it just doesn't come out right. For the love of God, I can teach kids almost any concept, but trying to tell my husband something can be challenging. Long story short, we went over everything and I feel rather prepped for Tuesday. Is it Tuesday yet?
Anywho- In an effort to be over-prepared (so I can go to consult and just nod my head), I tried to watch the CD that Walgreens so generously sent with the meds. Once they started talking about the angle of the needs I got the heck out of there. I'll blame it on Walgreens. They only sent a PC compatible disc and I'm a Mac girl. I just felt so uncomfortable with those two mouse buttons that I had to ditch the disc and go check Facebook on my beloved Mac. I'm not at all scared of needles, but really? Angles? Vom.
Yup, I think that covers consult prep.
Later Than Most- Let's Begin! My First Blog
It really didn't take me too long to create the blog title. I tried to come up with something that really was a reflection of me. Yea, it sounds a little negative, but it's not really like that. So far, I've just noticed that it seems to take me a little longer to get things in life. Weird? Maybe. But I'm thinking of the facts:
I couldn't read at grade level or tie my shoes until around 5th grade. Now, that makes me sound a little stupid, but don't mind if I do say I'm smart now (shout-out to my elementary teachers).
Let's see, I didn't join sports until high school. Could that be related to my shoe tying struggles?
I started college two years later than those my age.
Hmmmm, this only counts because I say it does. . . but I didn't get married until 29. Now I know that's normal, but my I met Mr. Later Than Most when I was 19. So, ten years is a while.
The big time fact of making this "Later Than Most" is this whole crazy, whacked-out journey that we call TTC. Here I am, almost two years later in the journey and about to start IVF. Two years isn't really that long compared to other stories I can find on the web, but IRL, it's later than most. And I promise you, IVF does not exist in my circle of friends. Actually, neither does IF.
So, hence the title. I can't promise the most exciting blog, but I can promise real thoughts, emotions, and struggles for at least this IVF journey. If you haven't closed this blog yet, you'll probably enjoy the ride.
Quickly I should add my two reasons for starting this blog:
1. (Yes I just numbered them) It's a lonely journey. We have not told friends or family about our IVF journey. So, I think I'll need this as an outlet.
2. If there is anyone out there who is considering IVF or about to start, and they are going through it alone, I want them to be able to read a real account of the crazy journey. I'll give all the dets (I like to abbreviate words. Dets is "details").
Annnnnnnnd, done.
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