July 13, 2010

And There It Is. . .

For two long years I waited to see those two, beautiful pink lines. In times of desperation, I even put the pee stick on a light bulb to see if I could at least see the outline of a second line. The pee stick manufacturers must know about psychotic IF girls who are desperate for a second line, because they make sure that not even a shadow of a line is there. Sometimes I imagined the line, and sometimes I wanted to draw one on to see what it would look like. Don't worry, that's not abnormal. Heather said the same thing the other day when I met her.

So, the opportunity came this morning to see those two beautiful pink lines. If you are new to my blog, DON'T GET ALL EXCITED! Those two pink lines aren't meant for me. Background: Last night I took my HCG injection. HCG is the actual pregnancy hormone. They use it for fertility procedures to "finalize" the eggs. So, last night I injected 10,000ius. That sounds like a lot, but it was only 1 milliliter of liquid. I'll tell you though, that shit stung worse than the Menopur/Follistim combo. It just sat in my stomach for like 5 minutes. So, I shot up the pregnancy hormone, and then the following morning, the doc asked me to take a pregnancy test. I wanted to ask the IVF nurse if they have done any studies on IVF patients and taking a pee stick after an HCG injection. I wanted to know if it could do permanent psychological damage. I mean, how could it not? TTC for years and then you have to see a BFP for the doctor? So, last night I told Mr. Later Than Most that I couldn't do it. I couldn't POAS and see those two lines that I've been waiting two years to see. I told him he would have to be the pee stick viewer. He agreed. I don't think he fully appreciated why though. I don't know if you can expect them to: they dont' have to do injects and go to the IVF office every other day for blood and ultrasound. They don't have to take the boat-load of drugs each day. Either way, he knows not to mess with me after 10 days of injectable hormones.

Well, this morning I woke up and remembered I had to POAS. I went into the bathroom and grabbed one of my internet cheapie pee sticks. You think for a $26,000 procedure they'd include a pee stick? Nope. I thought about getting Mr. Later Than Most to read it, but I didn't. I was so desperate to see those lines that I just said, "screw it." I watched as the entire stick turned pink. The control line popped up right away. Would you believe, my negative IF mind actually thought I'd get a negative? That's what IF does. I shot myself up last night with 10,000 units of pregnancy hormone and I actually thought that the damn test would be negative. Now that's a cause for therapy! Anywho- the two pink lines showed. And like the true IF I am, I had to pee on more than one. I haven't peed on a stick in so long, I wasn't passing up the opportunity.

The pee stick wasn't even that big of a deal anyway. So, there were two pink lines. . . big deal! I'm going to save the true mother of all tests for when the doctor tells me I have a positive beta (blood pregnancy test). I'm going to POAD. That's pee on a digital (the mother of all tests). Then, the smart ass little test will actually say "pregnant" or "not pregnant." That's the big time and I'm looking forward to that.

1 comment:

Jenny said...

Yes I know what you mean about always expecting to see a BFN instead of that beautiful BFP. I'm hoping and praying this is it for you and that your IVF is successful. We've only been TTC for 14 months and I am dx with PCOS. We are beginning IUI's in August/September. Right now we're finishing up some testing. Good luck!