October 29, 2013

What about B? (8dp6dt)

Man, I've been posting so much about this transfer that I've pretty much ignored the fact that I have a 2 1/2 year old. Don't worry, I didn't forget her for real, just in the blog.

Brooklyn is hilarious. She is sarcastic, spunky and sweet all in one little person. When I left her at the nannysitter this morning she yells, "Mom! I'm really going to miss you today!" Now how sweet is that? It made me want to ditch work and take her for ice cream. B is also a smarty pants. She learns quickly. I tell Mr. LTM that he needs to stop teaching her stuff because one day she will have no friends. For example, she has a little friend who is at the nannysitter. He is one year older than her. On a raining morning Brooklyn and I were running into the nannysitter's house to escape the rain. When we enter she starts yelling for her friend. This is her conversation and no I'm not making it up (kinda wish I was):

Brooklyn: "Hi E! Guess, what? Do you know why it rains? It's moisture! Clouds get full of moisture and then the clouds get full. The moisture drops and then we get rain!"

Seriously. Doesn't Mr. LTM know I was a cheerleader in high school and this kind of talk is so not cool. Today she was identifying quarters, dimes, and nickles from a pile. Sigh. She'll be a nerd, but she's mine.

So back to this FET. I did not test but thought about it about 5 times. Then I went on Google (busted) and found advice on some fertility clinic sites. Those clinics all advise waiting until the day of the blood test. Two more days to go. I'm getting nervous. No one likes failure, but I need to put up that defensive negativity to protect myself should this go down the shitter.

"Merry Christmas, shitter was full!" LOL

October 28, 2013

Step Away From the Pee Sticks! (7dp6dt)

ZOMG! I want to test sooooo bad, but I just can't! Here is the deal, if this worked, I can for sure pee on a stick NOW. It should tell me the correct results. I actually have 4 good ones hiding in my room, but I JUST CAN'T DO IT. I truly believe they tell me to wait until Thursday for a reason. . . because they are trying to kill me slowly.

So today I'm 7dp6dt, which means I'm 13 days past "ovulation." That's fricking long! And until two days ago I totally forgot we transferred six day embryos and not five day, so I have another day under my wing.

I must hang in there!

October 27, 2013

Good Bye House, Hello Cramps

The damn house didn't work out. We are disappointed, but it does make life a little less stressful right now. The sellers had way too much emotional value into their home as opposed to a reality of what the home was actually worth. Though they counter-offered, we denied their offer. Time to move on. Mr. LTM is having  a hard time moving on from the beloved home: He's resorted to video games today to take away his pain :) I'm disappointed that it didn't work out, but I cannot let it consume me.

Oh the cramps. So on Friday I was at the chiropractor and I was getting a massage. During the massage I thought, "I know I got cramps during my IVF, this time I'm not feeling any." I shit you not, the cramps arrived 15 minutes later. Saturday night they came back. The cramps actually remind me of my BH contractions in my second trimester. They lasted about 15 minutes Saturday night and they are back again tonight. I've Googled it like crazy. I already know it's a positive sign, but it can go either way. I really need to stay off of Google.

So while I was Googling (he he), so many girls test much earlier than their blood tests! I'm so worried of testing too early. I mean, I literally had two embryos placed inside of me. That means I'm already pregnant. It's just the implanting that needs to happen. I'm too scared of a false positive, but I will test the morning of the blood test. I just have to know what I'm getting into before I go into that office.

I've really been taking it easy this week. I'm so unmotivated to do anything! LOL That is so not like me. I'm even unmotivated for my ass shots. . .oh wait, that's everyday. :)

This week I plan to be posting each day until my test. GAH, when is that again?

October 25, 2013

You are Wondering, Aren't You? (4dp5dt)

Hello dear reader! You are wondering where the hell I have been, haven't you? You are wondering how I feel and how this FET is going. All in due time my friend!

Let me tell you how hectic life is. About three days before transfer we fell in love with a home that we went to see. Our current home is smaller than our liking. We cannot sell it in this market without paying a shit-ton of money. Because we qualify for two mortgages (and we know we can afford it), we've been looking at larger homes. Enter the "Friday" home.

The Friday home was amazeballs. It's 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and located on a full acre of land. It's rural living in a non-rural area. We liked it a lot. Right after my transfer, we drove to the Friday house and took another look by stalking it. It's fab. All week we've been thinking about how to handle this amazing house. Today we put an offer in on it and right now we are in the negotiation process. It's stressful obviously as we will have to rent our current home, but we have to get out of this tiny house.

So, I have not had a lot of time to think about how this FET is going, which is a good. I can tell you that I have felt rather normal. Felt a little bloated the last few days but I have NOT been eating great. A little Chinese here and some Mexican there. Not cool. Today I'm super thirsty, but it's one day past Chinese; that's to be expected. I will say that today I am having some cramping. Though all of us infertiles know that cramping can go either way. So annoying!

As for ass shots. . . they are truly a breeze now! Can you believe that? Well, my left ass cheek is bruised and seriously looks like a dart board, but whatever. Mr. LTM is getting this down well and his craft is at its finest. Apparently a very quick darting of the needle is actually the best way to go. Does that sound like it really hurts? Nope! I don't feel a thing! So, for anyone starting PIO soon; have no fear, it does get easier!


October 21, 2013

FET: Transfer Day

I just realized that all of my posts don't need fancy or funny titles. It's made it really difficult to go back and look up posts from my IVF!

Today was the big day. It all started around 5am when Mr. LTM and I were running around the house trying to get ready. We had to drive Miss B to the sitter at 5:45am. Luckily she didn't ask any questions. I spent yesterday getting the house all ready. I put things away, made a dinner for tonight and did some laundry. The dryer went out on me but hey, I got B's laundry done! After getting ready, we did a quick PIO shot (man my ass hurts) and off we went to drop B off.

We arrived at the IVF Institute about 10 minutes early. We hung out in the car and checked emails and such. After checking in at the office, they called us back to our pre-transfer room around 7:00. Our transfer appointment was for 7:15, but at that time the nurse came in to tell us that the doctor hadn't arrived to the office yet. No surprise! Around 7:45 embryology came in and told us that our embies were thawing great. We had a 3BB and and 3B-B to think about transferring. At that point they asked our decision. Mr. LTM spoke up. He said, "You know, I went all this time thinking one and on the way over here I thought I was crazy. Why one when you have two?" That's my guy! LOL

We finally went into the transfer room at 8:00am. The doc has a great sense of humor. He walked in and goes, "I'm here for you guys!" Nice! That damn room was freezing cold. The doctor got everything set up and checked all my insides first. He said everything look great and that my lining was "tremendous." That's a great compliment for transfer day! He and the ultrasound tech got the catheter all set up and then embryology brought our straw of embies in. Just like my IVF transfer, the doctor said everything was perfect and he was very happy with everything. He said he expects this to work, but he doesn't have an Infertility Devil.

I laid in the room for about 30 minutes past transfer. Embryology gave us a picture of our embryos. I told them I have pictures from my IVF, so it would be great to have them this time around too. While chilling in the room Mr. LTM wandered around looking at all kinds of medical stuff. He asked me why there were condoms on the ultrasound machine. So innocent! I told him that I didn't want to laugh my embies out, so he better keep his cool today.

Discharge went well. I can't clean or lift anything over 15 lbs. I'm on bedrest today and light bedrest tomorrow. I took both days off of work. The hard part is trying not to lift B up. We told her that I hurt my back so I can't lift things. She sat in bed with me this evening going, "Mommy, how's your back?" What a sweetie!

So here I am, with two embies on board. As my Bump girls used to say, PUPO! Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. That's a little too positive for me, but that's the term. My blood pregnancy test is on Halloween.

Now, there have been some requests for an ass update! The shots do get easier each day. Timing them 12 hours apart has been a challenge. I did give myself one shot at school last week and I was successful. Other than that, Mr. LTM does them both for me each day, and he is rather good at it. Some days my ass is sore the entire day. It can hurt to sit or to stand. Today it's been fine, but I've been laying on it all day. I did notice today that bruises are starting to show! GAH!! The good news is that I've made progress and I'm not crying anymore. The anticipation is what normally kills me, but now it doesn't bother me. I go back in two days for them to check my progesterone level. Hopefully it's high. I have these amazing dreams that they could reduce me to one shot a day. A girl can dream right?

PUPO! XOXOXOXOXO

Two Embies On Board!

I'm back from my transfer! Ill update all of the details a later, but we did transfer both and they thawed great! I'm nervous, but that's the infertility devil talking.

Ill post the details tonight!

October 17, 2013

More Ass

Shot two was interesting. It had to be on the opposite side.  I really want to do these myself, but I know I cannot get a good 90° angle on the left side. So I had to have my husband do it. The anticipation of waiting for the shot kills me. That's normally when I start to cry. Yep... Again. I rubbed that spot for 10 minutes and sat on the heating pad for 40. And now instead of one sore ass cheek, I have to sore ass cheeks. Here's the kicker… I found out the truly have to be 12 hours apart. So now I have to take shot tomorrow at 8:45 AM.  Are you wondering where I will be at 8:45 AM? I will be teaching a class of third-graders! So I will have to find somebody to cover my classroom so I can go into the bathroom for 10 minutes and shoot myself in the ass. I mean, how time-consuming is this? Two shots a day. Husband and I are supposed to go on a date tomorrow night. Guess I'll have to leave the table so I can go shoot myself in the ass again. 

Yep! I literally feel like a three ring circus. 

October 16, 2013

Yup, I Cried


Damn that damn ass shot! I was sooooo nervous. I got it all prepped. Then I told Mr. Later Than Most that I was going to do it myself. Then I totally chickened out and cried. Ha! Finally, I realized I couldn't insert the needle at the right angle, so I had to have him do it. It was a big one all right!
Progesterone in Oil needle. 22 gauge


Don't you think that's big? It is! So that has to go into the upper quadrant of my butt. The needle has to go ALL THE WAY IN. Yes you read that correctly. It's an inch and a half long. Ouch. There is a little pain afterward. If you have ever received a flu shot, you know the pain you feel in your arm afterward. That's what my ass feels like right now. It's only for 14 weeks and twice a day. No. Big. Deal.

The good news is that my blood results today were fab. My estrogen was 229. My progesterone level was .23 and my lining was 12.3! Yay!

Tomorrow I'll do one ass shot again and then the number goes up to two a day from there on out. I will also start an oral steroid tomorrow to prevent any infections. I'm also on an antibiotic. Today was my last day of Lupron, so let's hope the "tings" go away. 

On Saturday the RE's office will call and give me all of the final details for Monday's big transfer. This is starting to get real!



October 15, 2013

I'm Drinking Tonight

Well, besides the tingles I have always heard that it's not a good idea to drink when you are doing injections for infertility treatments. I mean, if anyone needs to drink it's those of us who have to be reminded daily that a natural conception isn't happening. Especially during my IVF, I really needed a wine buzz every now and then. The thing I've noticed this cycle is that I have a lot of sleepless nights. Now, it's probably the Lupron (which ends tomorrow!!!!), but I've slept many nights on the couch because I'm tossing and turning. I did notice that this seems to be worse right around the time I'm supposed to change my meds. For instance, the night before my Lupron changed from 10u to 5u, I barely slept a wink. It's like I was worried I would forget. Though I took a black permanent marker and wrote it on the box, I was still sleepless.

As mentioned, the ass shots start tomorrow. This is why I'm drinking! I'm hoping to get some sleep tonight! I have a blood and ultrasound appointment at 7am tomorrow. If all checks out well I will start my PIO shots tomorrow night. I don't want to think about that all night tonight, so a little Cab should help.

Speaking of PIO, let me back up a little. Did I mention that one of my good friends is doing an FET at the same time???? Do you remember Amanda? You loved her, right? She was the one who went to a bachelorette party with me and we were two infertiles living a miserable life. Then two preggos showed up and demanded all of everyone's attention at the bachelorette party. Amanda and I tried to hang ourselves with random objects such as cell phone charges. We took pictures to document our agony. Also, while attending her sister in laws wedding, we may have pretended to "spank" the bed of a pregnant friend. Yes it makes no sense, but give us a break! It was fun! Anywho- Amanda is four weeks behind me in the process and we both go to the same RE (because I referred her!). She has a one year old already from her IVF. So tonight we are texting each other back and fourth about our upcoming PIO shots. Imagine her face when she learned from me that we have to do the shots TWICE a day. She was like, "OMG, are you kidding me right now?" Um, no Amanda. According to the directions, that "one and a half inch" needle needs to go all the way into your skin. TWICE A DAY.

Does anyone else feel like I'm unqualified for this process? I mean, I'm just a lonely third grade teacher with three college degrees, all in education. Now I have to be my own nurse? Who am I kidding? I can't reach my own ass. Mr. Later Than Most is doing the ass shots. And in true Mr. LTM fashion, he has read none of the paperwork and the first injection is about 24 hours away. Seriously, what did I see in this guy? I'm totes joking! But anyone who knows me in real life knows that I'm very organized, structured and a total researcher. Waiting till the last minute would literally make me vom.

So I'll answer the question you've been waiting for. . . yes I will write a post after ass shot #1 tomorrow night. Sigh. Anything for you dear reader!

October 14, 2013

Back to Twins

I'm so annoying! I keep talking about a twin pregnancy as if it is a disease. As I told S today, I'm not scared of the twins themselves (especially hers, lol), it's the twin pregnancy that I am fearful of. Why have so many people lost twins? Do they have other issues? Again, I'm sure I've exposed myself to way too many people by being in forums (not anymore), but it seems like so many people have trouble. I seriously know two people who didn't have trouble and like 5 who have. Maybe I need a professional opinion?

I know I'm totally jumping the gun thinking that twins is an option, but it truly is. Transfer two embies and the RE says it's a 20-25% chance of a twin pregnancy with a 70% success rate overall. 

So with those chances you are wondering what Mr. LTM thinks, right? Um, he doesn't. I have to keep him in the dark until the last minute! Lol. He thinks way too much about things, more than me! But, I know he will be on board. After having the numbness from these shots, I don't want to do this again. If this doesn't work, I don't want to go to IVF. I'll have to wait 10 weeks to start that cycle and let's face it, I'll be 36 in March. The eggs used for this transfer are 32 year old eggs. That's quite the difference. Plus, to do IVF again, of course we'd freeze whatever is left over just in case that cycle didn't work. Then, if an IVF cycle did work, we'd have frozen embryos that we'd have to discard or donate. Right now, we don't have to make that decision because we are using all we have. So, this is it.

The infertility devil is not as strong as she was with my first cycle for IVF. She only sneaks upon me once in a while. Almost as if I'm getting too positive. I don't know why my guard is lower this time, but it is. I hope that doesn't bite me in the ass like those PIO shots.

October 13, 2013

Three Days of Nightmares

I actually had a really great dream last night, so don't be distracted by the title. It was one of those dreams that you wake up and you are like, "Damn, I want to go back to my dream!" It wasn't about babies or anything. It was actually a dream that Mr. LTM and I were dating, so about 15 years ago. We were young and having so much fun. Ahhhh, if we only knew that we'd be diving into scientific reproduction about 12 years later.

The title actually refers to my progesterone in oil (PIO) shots starting in three days. I just reminded Mr. LTM tonight that he better brush up on his viewing of the YouTube PIO demonstration video, because I don't want him jabbing me until he is totally train. Oh, now you are enticed by this video too, are you? Fine, I'll post the link. My favorite part is when they remind you to pull back on the needle to make sure you didn't draw blood. If you did, you better start all over and not inject PIO into you vein. Holy shit, the things we go through.

Click here to be happy that you aren't me in three days.


Now before you cringe, I ONLY have to do the PIO shots twice a day for 14 weeks. It could be worse. . . like 16 weeks, right?

On Wednesday I go in for blood an an ultrasound at 7am. They will make sure that my estrogen level is good since I'm taking 6 estradiol a day (no biggie). Hopefully I'll check out fine and then they'll give me the ok to start the ass shots. Actually, they are above the ass but I like the sound of "ass shots." When I go in on Wednesday, the nurse is going to draw two giant circles on my backside so we know where to inject them. I already have a saying to help me remember. Rights side in the morning "Right away" and left side at night "Left later." Did I mention how much I'm dreading this?

If anyone reads this blog and is going to start Lupron at some point, I totally learned something this time round. The Lupron box doesn't have enough needs so the pharmacy will normally include a bag. The extra bag needles are normally ultra-comfort diabetic needles. Yea, they go in so smooth that you don't even feel them! The Lupron ones don't really hurt, but you feel them.

Wonder if I'm still tingly? I am. The good news is that I feel like it's less and less. I'm really hoping this goes away once the Lupron is gone.

Tomorrow I'll talk about twins again.


October 11, 2013

This Sucks

My arm and leg numbness and tingling continue. After too much online research I did find that Lupron can cause this in some people. When I contacted my IVF nurse, she was not at all concerned (post ER) and said she had never heard of the side effect. The ER doctor did say he suspected the Lupron but was not concerned.

Since last night my arm is constantly asleep. It is so annoying. I feel like I can't relax because it feels so weird. I only have 5 days left of this shit, and it's such a low dose. I hate using all of these drugs. It sucks.

Tonight I'm hoping this crap goes away. I worry about it becoming permanent if it is drug related. Again, I'm 5 days from stopping the Lupron. Hope it subsides.

October 8, 2013

Still Tingly

Well it's about Four days since my trip to the emergency room and I still have much of the same symptoms. I've also been to Accupuncture in the chiropractor. They both feel like it's very possible that all of the symptoms I'm having are diet related and possibly even medication related. The good news is that my cycle is still ago and my transfer is still scheduled for October 21!

I need a different note, my little Brooklyn turned 2 1/2 today! Where has the time gone? She is sassy, spunky, smart, and can drive me crazy! Lol One of the best things is that she is sweet as can be. When I take her in at night to put her to bed,  I tell her good night and I love her and her little voice says, "I love you too mommy!" She also called me her bestie today!:)

Thank you reproductive science for allowing me to be a mommy!

October 6, 2013

F'ed Up Friday: Emergency Room

I knew my Friday night was going too well. Mr. LTM is out of town and I was cuddled up with some blankets and a self made marathon of Real Housewives of Miami. Around 8pm my foot fell asleep and wouldn't come too. Then, my arm on the same side was asleep. I knew it was odd. I walked all over, did jumping jacks and just plain acted like a fool. None of which made my arm or leg come to.

I looked at my meds printouts and read that tingling and numbness could be a sign of a blood clot which could be aggravated by the Estrace. I texted MR. LTM a few times to get his opinion. This was both a good and bad idea. For one he started freaking out. He automatically assumed it was the FET drugs and started saying we should cancel our cycle and not press our luck. I told him I probably ate too much ice cream and that he should calm the heck down. After sifting through my FET paperwork, I found the number for the nurse on call.

The answering service did not like the sound of my situation and they put me straight through to the nurse on call. She too was not pleased with what I was experiencing. She said she would need to call my RE, Dr. Miller right away. Ugh! I felt so bad. I imagined him out to a fancy dinner and having to hear my name! Poor guy. She called me back right away. Final decision. . . I needed to go to the ER.

The ER is awesome and all until you are home alone with a toddler and need some coverage. I finally got my brother in law who flew over here in his car while my sister followed in hers. They were both half-asleep and somehow didn't think enough to take one car. My sister decided to drive me to the hospital which is fab, but we live in the infertility closet. No one knows our situation. So now I'm making up doctors and reasons for why I'm on an estrogen pill. I carefully ditched her in the ER and told her I would text her after some tests were ran.

Explaining drugs and and FET to emergency room staff is like explaining ratios to my third graders. There is a basic medical understanding, then it significantly drops. There was a lot of, "Wait, why are you on Lupron?" Then the next staff would come in and say, "Why do you take estrogen?" It's hard to lose your shit at midnight, so I kept explaining to each new person. Finally the doctor came in and did an exam. He ordered a full blood panel to check everything, and then he broke the news to me... He wanted me to get a CAT Scan. Though he knew I was fine, he needed to "cross some Ts and dot some Is." Luckily he offered a valium which I took with no problem.

The CAT scan is everything you think it is, small, loud and very long. I as on the table for 45 minutes total. The valium helped me to relax. The nurse told me I was a great patient (which I loved). The results are then sent to some big-shot over the computer who reads them and calls the doctor. Pretty sweet to get them in 20 minutes. Everything checked out fine and my blood was all normal. CAT Scan looked great.

So here I am three days later and my right leg is still asleep. My right arm joins in every once in a while. After I reviewed my paperwork from the ER, I noticed that two of my blood tests read "abnormal" next to them. I took a picture of the results and texted it to my friend who is a nurse (and a patient of Dr. Miller too!). She said that my potassium and phosphorus were really low. When I Googled my potassium level, many places said it was IV worthy. The more I Googled, I found that low potassium can cause tingling and numbness. And my low, I mean below the normal range.

I'm not surprised that my numbers are low. I don't eat well. Sometimes I don't eat until 7pm. I've been living on coffee. Working full time and being a mom can really take it's toll on you. I grade papers and make photocopies during my lunch. I live on protein bars. None of this is good for a person, or good for a potential baby.

In the meantime I'm trying to adjust my diet and drink more water. I want to see a regular practioner but plan to wait until my cycle is over. I find that regular doctors and fertility doctors don't always see eye to eye. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is diet related and not drug related. I'm supposed to double my dose of Estrace on Tuesday.

Thanks for following.

October 2, 2013

Final Decision

Though I'm 19 days til transfer, I can say with 90% certainty that we will transfer both embryos. :)

Yes, I'm scared shitless of twins. It would not be the end of the world, but we will take the risk. All I want is a healthy pregnancy. If I can get that with two babies, great. One baby, greater. :)

I took my first Estrace pill today. Didn't notice too much besides a little bloated. I'm just wondering how bloated I will get when I take 6 pills a day. I'm only on one pill right now!

You may not know this about me, but I'm really against medicines. I try not to take medications and we rarely give them to Brooklyn. I'm all about immunizations and such, but I firmly believe that each thing you put into your body causes an effect of some sort, good and bad. So each day I'm shooting-up that Lupron and swallowing down my Estrace, I'm always wondering what it's going to do to my body someday. No secret, there is research that this type of stuff can cause ovarian cancer. They make us sign a document that says we are aware of the research before we participate in a treatment. The shitty thing is we have to decide. . . kids or ovarian cancer? You know my answer.

October 1, 2013

First Blood Draw

Well the witch was so confusing. I waited and waited for her to show. Suddenly I realized that maybe the spotting I had was actually her. When I talked to my FET coordinator, she said the hormone levels and ultrasound would show if I in fact had a period or not. If not, frozen transfer would be pushed out.

My appointment was for 7am but you know my office... 13 minutes late. That's a lot of time when you have to rush off to work. Finally the lab tech calls me back for blood. It's apparent she was running late because she had nothing prepared. No big deal, I'll use some deep breathing to calm down. Blood is now done but she tells me to go back to the waiting room because the ultrasound girl is not ready. No problem. I exhale my way back to the crowded waiting room. I start scoping the scene for new friends because after all, this is how I met S almost three years ago. I wait and wait. 

Now Mr. Later Than Most is on his way to the office to wait in the car with Brooklyn. We have to do a trade off so he can get to work And I can drop her off     At the babysitter's place. I make no friends in the waiting room but I'm finally called back by the ultrasound tech. I quickly get undressed and make my way over to the table. The tech is nice, we start chatting, she starts doing her thing.  Suddenly she starting to count and tell me how many follicles I have. I kindly tell her that I don't care how many follicles I have because I'm doing a frozen  transfer. I then explained to her that I believe she needs to check the uterus lining to make sure that it's thin. I consider asking her for a job application, but I'm satisfied when she tells me my lining is 3.6, which I know is good. I hop off the table and go off to get dressed. I cannot believe what a cluster fuck this whole appointment has been. 

Next thing I know I walk out until lobby, and there is Mr. later Than Most with Brooklyn! WTF Are they doing in the lobby? Isn't it taboo to bring a child into an IVF office? All of those people want a child!!! Lucky for me Brooklyn is complaining and being mean. This allows me to explain outbloud to everyone waiting that I'm rather sure all of Dr. Miller's creations are not as mean as this one. The people In the lobby giggle and now I know that they don't hate me for bringing a child into the office. 

Later in the day I check my voicemail. I'm happy to say that all of my results were great! Lining 3.6... Estrogen 6 and progesterone .23.

Tomorrow I will begin the Estrace pills and lower my Lupron to 5 units.

Happy Tuesday!