So, one minute I'm fine, and the next thing I know the damn IF devil is back. She's haunting me. I'm way too excited and happy, so part of me thinks that everything is just too good to be true. I blame my thoughts on too much Googleing and too many message boards. I also blame the RE's office for not doing betas on a weekend. I am very aware that worrying does not do anything for the body, but I think many IF girls can relate. Two years of big fat negatives really start to weigh-in on the mind.
Ugh, that was so depressing. I know the point of my blog is to help others along the way, but the blog is kind of like a journal for me. I've noticed that getting my honest feelings out has really helped me to lift some of the burden off.
Well, it's after 11pm so I should go to sleep. I'll hope for another good night of rest and I will def be POAS in the morning.
July 31, 2010
Another Day of Hiding
First, I'd like to say that I promised myself a long time ago, that once I got that BFP, I'd never ever complain about being pg. So, you really shouldn't hear too much complaining ever on this end. That's my gift to the world for letting me cross over :)
So, we have a huge function today. My girlfriend got married in June and Mr. Later Than Most and I were both in the wedding. The wedding was in Florida, so today she is having an all day BBQ in celebration. Huge, huge gathering, with all of our friends. So, the game of not drinking continues. I did blow off the girls' night last weekend. I just couldn't do it. Well today, Mr. Later Than Most and I will be playing the game of hide the drink. Actually, I think I'm going to pretend to be drinking beer, and then Mr. Later Than Most and I can switch cans. It sounds good now, we'll see how it goes. At my age, our friends are very perceptive of the drinking thing. I'm totally guilty of it too. I have a friend who I will keep an eye on all day long. So, this is the thing we do. Right now, there will be 4 pregnant girls there who are all "out of the closet." This is just the age that we are all at. Well, actually I'm older than all of them! But I'm not like 40 or anything, 32!
Other than that, I had another good night of no IF dreams. Actually, I'm having a hard time sleeping on my side because of the bloating. I have to sleep with a pillow wedged between me and the bed to take the pressure off. Hey, I'm not complaining, I'll sleep in a stack of hay if I have to :)
Finally, I'm doing well with waiting for the second beta. I don't think about it too often. I know there are a lot of people thinking about that number and praying for a good one, so I have to believe that it will be great. So, let's keep those thoughts and prayers (or as we say on TheBump, T&Ps) coming!!!! I know they help!
Happy weekend!
So, we have a huge function today. My girlfriend got married in June and Mr. Later Than Most and I were both in the wedding. The wedding was in Florida, so today she is having an all day BBQ in celebration. Huge, huge gathering, with all of our friends. So, the game of not drinking continues. I did blow off the girls' night last weekend. I just couldn't do it. Well today, Mr. Later Than Most and I will be playing the game of hide the drink. Actually, I think I'm going to pretend to be drinking beer, and then Mr. Later Than Most and I can switch cans. It sounds good now, we'll see how it goes. At my age, our friends are very perceptive of the drinking thing. I'm totally guilty of it too. I have a friend who I will keep an eye on all day long. So, this is the thing we do. Right now, there will be 4 pregnant girls there who are all "out of the closet." This is just the age that we are all at. Well, actually I'm older than all of them! But I'm not like 40 or anything, 32!
Other than that, I had another good night of no IF dreams. Actually, I'm having a hard time sleeping on my side because of the bloating. I have to sleep with a pillow wedged between me and the bed to take the pressure off. Hey, I'm not complaining, I'll sleep in a stack of hay if I have to :)
Finally, I'm doing well with waiting for the second beta. I don't think about it too often. I know there are a lot of people thinking about that number and praying for a good one, so I have to believe that it will be great. So, let's keep those thoughts and prayers (or as we say on TheBump, T&Ps) coming!!!! I know they help!
Happy weekend!
July 30, 2010
Combo Post- A Whole Lot of Random
I didn't even POAS today :)
Of all the things that girls miss when dealing with IF, it's sleep (well, and sometimes we miss a lot of baby showers because we have to "wash our hair"). There are countless dreams of many degrees. The most popular dreams are pregnancy dreams. I actually stopped having those after about 1 year of trying. During the beginning, I'd dream about positive pregnancy tests, only to wake up to another BFN. Then there are the husband dreams. These vary as well. I've had them about fighting, separating, divorce, cheating, and maybe once that MH was going to steal my nonexistent baby. The worst are the actual IF dreams. The ones that keep you thinking that your moment to shine, will just never happen.
Well, I'm so happy to say that I slept well last night. I know I tossed and turned a little but that's because I'm constantly hot. I think it's the damn progesterone. I did wake up at 6:30am to take progesterone one of the day, and I have been up ever since. Either way, I still can't believe that I actually slept and didn't worry in my dreams.
So far I think I'm doing well. I haven't thought too much about that second beta on Monday. I can't sit around and worry each and every day. All I know is that I pretty much went psychotic yesterday, only to find out that my beta is pretty good. So, last night I just relaxed.
Many girls have asked me if I have had symptoms. First, let me say that I've have had pregnancy symptoms for two years. Yup, every single friggen month I thought I was getting that BFP. Now, I don't think I have any at all. During my TWW, I had lots of cramping. That sent Heather on a Google search almost every day! It seems though, cramping with IVF is very normal and in most cases, was a good sign. The past two days I'm just peeing a whole lot. The only problem is that I'm also drinking a whole lot, so whose to say what is what? Other than that, I only feel some "sensitivity" in the abdomen. It's not cramps or pain, but sometimes there are suprise twinges. I'm not going to lie, I've been sitting down most of yesterday and today. It's not necessary AT ALL, but I'm a little crazy. Hey, don't forget I drove back to the IVF Clinic the day of my transfer to get pictures of my embies. So truly, we are dealing with a loony. :)
I must say, yesterday was a great day.
Of all the things that girls miss when dealing with IF, it's sleep (well, and sometimes we miss a lot of baby showers because we have to "wash our hair"). There are countless dreams of many degrees. The most popular dreams are pregnancy dreams. I actually stopped having those after about 1 year of trying. During the beginning, I'd dream about positive pregnancy tests, only to wake up to another BFN. Then there are the husband dreams. These vary as well. I've had them about fighting, separating, divorce, cheating, and maybe once that MH was going to steal my nonexistent baby. The worst are the actual IF dreams. The ones that keep you thinking that your moment to shine, will just never happen.
Well, I'm so happy to say that I slept well last night. I know I tossed and turned a little but that's because I'm constantly hot. I think it's the damn progesterone. I did wake up at 6:30am to take progesterone one of the day, and I have been up ever since. Either way, I still can't believe that I actually slept and didn't worry in my dreams.
So far I think I'm doing well. I haven't thought too much about that second beta on Monday. I can't sit around and worry each and every day. All I know is that I pretty much went psychotic yesterday, only to find out that my beta is pretty good. So, last night I just relaxed.
Many girls have asked me if I have had symptoms. First, let me say that I've have had pregnancy symptoms for two years. Yup, every single friggen month I thought I was getting that BFP. Now, I don't think I have any at all. During my TWW, I had lots of cramping. That sent Heather on a Google search almost every day! It seems though, cramping with IVF is very normal and in most cases, was a good sign. The past two days I'm just peeing a whole lot. The only problem is that I'm also drinking a whole lot, so whose to say what is what? Other than that, I only feel some "sensitivity" in the abdomen. It's not cramps or pain, but sometimes there are suprise twinges. I'm not going to lie, I've been sitting down most of yesterday and today. It's not necessary AT ALL, but I'm a little crazy. Hey, don't forget I drove back to the IVF Clinic the day of my transfer to get pictures of my embies. So truly, we are dealing with a loony. :)
I must say, yesterday was a great day.
July 29, 2010
Holy Crap
Well, I had my beta today. They absolutely promise you that they will call you as soon as the results come in. My appointment was at 7am. I had to go to class, so I turned my cell off knowing that the RE may call and I didn't want that call to come while I was in the middle of class. I'm always ready for bad news.
When class let out, I immediately turned my cell on. It was 1pm and I was positive that they would have left my message by now. BIG FAT NO! Ugh, and the stress continued!
I made my way home and once I arrived, I carried my phone everywhere. It went to the bathroom with me, the garden, and to check the mail. When you least expect it, that call comes. I was shoveling salad in my mouth!
As soon as I answered, the IF devil jumped right on my shoulder. She was ready for the bad news and had me convinced too. You see, with IVF, they tell you that you are not pregnant, or they tell you that you are pregnant and how pregnant you are. They actually give you a number. So, a first beta result could range from 7-200's and be normal. So a girl with a 35 could be as normal as a 190. So, not only was I waiting for a yes or no, I was waiting for a possible beta:
Nurse: Hi is this Melissa?
Me: Yes!
IF DEVIL: You barely know your own name.
Nurse: How are you? (Um, how do you think?)
Me: Well, I've been better.
Nurse: Oh no, you are good. You're pregnant!
Me: What? Are you sure? (lol, of course I did)
Nurse: Yes I'm sure! Congrats!
Me: What are our beta numbers?
Nurse: 141! A great number!
OH MY GOD! I'm still getting over it. I was shaking when she told me the info. In fact, I had to ask her the number 3 times in the conversation because I kept forgetting! Finally, I just wrote it down. So, like any person who is only 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant, I'm being very cautious. That number needs to double every other day, and I don't get to go back until Monday. I'm nervous for sure, but I'm soaking it all in. Today in my class, a lady told me "You can't sit around life worrying. You have to.jpg)
let will, what will." Know something funny, she doesn't know anything I'm going through. I think she picked up on my personality.
So for right now, I'm just in shock. Of course I had to POAS so I could finally see what those things look like when they are positive. After two years of heartache, doctors appointments, and needles: I finally have my BFP!
When class let out, I immediately turned my cell on. It was 1pm and I was positive that they would have left my message by now. BIG FAT NO! Ugh, and the stress continued!
I made my way home and once I arrived, I carried my phone everywhere. It went to the bathroom with me, the garden, and to check the mail. When you least expect it, that call comes. I was shoveling salad in my mouth!
As soon as I answered, the IF devil jumped right on my shoulder. She was ready for the bad news and had me convinced too. You see, with IVF, they tell you that you are not pregnant, or they tell you that you are pregnant and how pregnant you are. They actually give you a number. So, a first beta result could range from 7-200's and be normal. So a girl with a 35 could be as normal as a 190. So, not only was I waiting for a yes or no, I was waiting for a possible beta:
Nurse: Hi is this Melissa?
Me: Yes!
IF DEVIL: You barely know your own name.
Nurse: How are you? (Um, how do you think?)
Me: Well, I've been better.
Nurse: Oh no, you are good. You're pregnant!
Me: What? Are you sure? (lol, of course I did)
Nurse: Yes I'm sure! Congrats!
Me: What are our beta numbers?
Nurse: 141! A great number!
OH MY GOD! I'm still getting over it. I was shaking when she told me the info. In fact, I had to ask her the number 3 times in the conversation because I kept forgetting! Finally, I just wrote it down. So, like any person who is only 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant, I'm being very cautious. That number needs to double every other day, and I don't get to go back until Monday. I'm nervous for sure, but I'm soaking it all in. Today in my class, a lady told me "You can't sit around life worrying. You have to
.jpg)
let will, what will." Know something funny, she doesn't know anything I'm going through. I think she picked up on my personality.So for right now, I'm just in shock. Of course I had to POAS so I could finally see what those things look like when they are positive. After two years of heartache, doctors appointments, and needles: I finally have my BFP!
July 27, 2010
He Continues to Test Me
***Follower number 17, WELCOME***
Oh yes, I know the man upstairs has a sense of humor. I'm two days from beta results and 8 days past 5 day transfer. I saw a coworker tonight and she said, "Oh my gosh! Have you lost weight?" Son of a bitch! No other time in my life would I wish she said, "Damn girl, you packed on some pounds!" LOL- You gotta love that I want nothing more than to gain 20 baby pounds and someone thinks I lost weight. Nice!
Today I stayed super busy. I had two sets of classes and hung out with some more coworkers. It was great to stay busy and keep my mind off of things. Every morning I jump up and pee right away so I can't test. It's like a game.
Heather asked me if I'm going to let Mr. Later Than Most take the phone call with the beta results. If I were working, I think I would. But Thursday is my last day of class, so I'm going to take the call myself. I already started worrying about how I will handle bad news. I mean, I know I can do this again several more times, but the disappointment would be unexplainable. Ha, remind me of that comment in about 8 months when I'm complaining about how fat and uncomfortable I will be. Hehehee, DAMN IT! There's the baby bipolar disorder kicking-in again! If you missed that blog, you'll want to look it up!
Oh, and I'm sending lots of sticky dust to Doris, one of my BFF from TWW. She is about 4 days ahead of me in the IVF cycle, and she had a positive beta of 45 on Monday. My beta guess for her is 257 tomorrow ( it needs to double every two days). Good luck Doris!
Oh yes, I know the man upstairs has a sense of humor. I'm two days from beta results and 8 days past 5 day transfer. I saw a coworker tonight and she said, "Oh my gosh! Have you lost weight?" Son of a bitch! No other time in my life would I wish she said, "Damn girl, you packed on some pounds!" LOL- You gotta love that I want nothing more than to gain 20 baby pounds and someone thinks I lost weight. Nice!
Today I stayed super busy. I had two sets of classes and hung out with some more coworkers. It was great to stay busy and keep my mind off of things. Every morning I jump up and pee right away so I can't test. It's like a game.
Heather asked me if I'm going to let Mr. Later Than Most take the phone call with the beta results. If I were working, I think I would. But Thursday is my last day of class, so I'm going to take the call myself. I already started worrying about how I will handle bad news. I mean, I know I can do this again several more times, but the disappointment would be unexplainable. Ha, remind me of that comment in about 8 months when I'm complaining about how fat and uncomfortable I will be. Hehehee, DAMN IT! There's the baby bipolar disorder kicking-in again! If you missed that blog, you'll want to look it up!
Oh, and I'm sending lots of sticky dust to Doris, one of my BFF from TWW. She is about 4 days ahead of me in the IVF cycle, and she had a positive beta of 45 on Monday. My beta guess for her is 257 tomorrow ( it needs to double every two days). Good luck Doris!
July 26, 2010
Warning. . .
***Welcome to my 16th follower! Whoo hoo***Waiting for a beta blood test may actually kill you. I think I'm slowly dying because of the wait. I'm over thinking everything and the positivity is about to go right down the flusher. One minute I can be positive and the next minute my little infertility devil comes back to haunt me. Doris and Heather have also agreed to fertility devils as well. Doris said to "smack the hoe." Heather decided she would tie her infertility devil to her car bumper and then drive while dragging her. Then, because Doris lives near Heather, Doris agreed to kick Heather's infertility Devil if she were to drive by. WOW- the three of us sound like a bunch of psychos. Reminder- we are not Satan worshippers. The IF devil sits on your shoulder and brings negativity. You know, like in the movies how characters have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other? Well, the IF Devil tells you bad stuff about getting pregnant. Mine decided to creep up on me yesterday and she is lingering. The way to keep her down is to stay incredibly busy (ha, I accidentally typed "busty" first. I'd love to be "incredibly busty")!
So, my beta is Thursday morning and I'm hoping to stay alive until then. And no. . . I STILL HAVE NOT POAS!
July 23, 2010
Weekend Break!
First, a shout-out to my 15th follower! Whoo hoo!
Well, here we are at Friday. I have decided to take a blogging break this weekend. This way, I'll have a ton of great stuff to say on Monday! Tonight Mr. Later Than Most is taking me to a movie and for sushi. Ah, you noticed the sushi? Yea, don't worry, he's only letting me get fake rolls and cooked rolls. The rules are pretty strict around here. I'm not even allowed a sip of wine in the Later Than Most household. After two years of TTC, I'm rather used to drinking in the two week wait, however, IVF girls go by "pregnant until proven otherwise," so I have to be good!
This will be a busy weekend, but it will get me closer to my blood test next Thursday. I have been very good and have not POAS. I have promised myself to wait for that blood test. That's going to be a rough day!
Well, here we are at Friday. I have decided to take a blogging break this weekend. This way, I'll have a ton of great stuff to say on Monday! Tonight Mr. Later Than Most is taking me to a movie and for sushi. Ah, you noticed the sushi? Yea, don't worry, he's only letting me get fake rolls and cooked rolls. The rules are pretty strict around here. I'm not even allowed a sip of wine in the Later Than Most household. After two years of TTC, I'm rather used to drinking in the two week wait, however, IVF girls go by "pregnant until proven otherwise," so I have to be good!
This will be a busy weekend, but it will get me closer to my blood test next Thursday. I have been very good and have not POAS. I have promised myself to wait for that blood test. That's going to be a rough day!
July 22, 2010
Throat-Punch for Mr. Later Than Most
Someday I'll give a whole post shout-out to Mr. Later Than Most (did I ever mention he doesn't know about my blog?). He's truly been a trooper through my two years of baby crazy. Actually, I did take two months off from the craziness. I locked all of my baby, pregnancy, infertility, prenatals, (an anything else you can think of) up in storage. Not too long after, I went stomping to storage to get it all back. So really, Mr. Later Than Most does deserve a praising shout-out, but today he needs a throat-punch (hehehehe, the girls use this saying on TheBump and I love it). Here's the story:
This weekend I have a girls' night at a friend's house. I can't ditch it. It's only a few girls and it was kind of my idea (like two months ago). Anyway- I'm obviously not going to be drinking, so I'll have some explaining to do. On Sunday I'll be with the same girlfriend selling some of her stuff at a local flea market. Well, I'm not allowed to lift anything over 10lbs, so I figure I could use an explanation for that too (I hate lying to people, but this hurts no one but me). Well, this morning I told Mr. Later Than Most my great idea! I can tell my girlfriend that I hurt my back and I'm taking a pain killer. This will explain my nondrinking and my nonlifting. Right after I tell him the idea he says, "You know, if this whole thing works, we are not going to tell people that we did IVF. We're just going to say we did it on our own." Um, what? I say, "I don't really agree with that." He says that he doesn't want people to know what we went through, and that we couldn't have a baby on our own. In fact, he doesn't even want family to know. I seriously almost fell over. I was shocked. Oh wait, then he had this line: "We'll just tell people that we went off the pill and it happened." Now, any girls reading this who have struggled with IF know how much that last statement hurts. I hate hearing people say that and then to lie about it? No e'ffing way. Okay, now I didn't tell Mr. Later Than Most the "No e'ffing way" for several reasons. First, I'm not supposed to undergo too much stress right now. So, why argue now about something that doesn't exist? Two, I'm sure Mr. Later Than Most feels like he is the "reason" for our struggles since the doctors couldn't pin-point any concerns with me. So, he probably doesn't want everyone to know this. I can understand his thinking, but I think women feel differently. We want people to be informed and not hide our situations. Again, I let this go for now. I'm a little frustrated because I want people to know that IVF is not just for Octomom's benefit. "Normal" people go through IVF. There is nothing wrong with it. I want people to know that.
Now I'll play devil's advocate. I've played these situations over and over again in my mind. What if a family member is against IVF and wants to make that known to us? I don't think I could ever forgive that person for lessening our troubles with their shitty opinion. Or, what if we have twins and friends say our twins "don't count" because we used fertility drugs? I would hit someone for that and probably never talk to them again. Or what if someone says, "Well, you just needed to relax or adopt. Then you would have gotten pregnant." People say this shit ALL OF THE TIME! In fact, TheBump newsletter writers asked girls on their Infertility board and Trouble Trying to Conceive board (the one I'm on). . . "What are some of the things people have said to you when they found out you were having trouble conceiving?" I just wanted to drop dead when I read that article. To seriously think that some girl had to hear a comment like, "You are trying too hard" or "Just fill out adoption papers, then you'll get pregnant." People say stuff because they don't know any better and they are informed. But, are we really ready to take that risk for people's ignorance? On one hand I can't put myself through that. We've been through enough. On the other hand, I want people to know that IVF and infertility are normal and happen to regular people all of the time. It's though!
Well, I know I have many girls read this blog who have been in my shoes or understand the situation. So, I'm going to put up a poll just to see what you all think of this madness. Even if you are grown and your kids have kids, vote anyway. In the long run, I'm going to do what Mr. Later Than Most wants. I hope he comes around, but if not, I have to understand how he feels. We both need to be on the same page, and if I didn't want people to know about our struggles, I'd want Mr. Later Than Most to respect that.
This weekend I have a girls' night at a friend's house. I can't ditch it. It's only a few girls and it was kind of my idea (like two months ago). Anyway- I'm obviously not going to be drinking, so I'll have some explaining to do. On Sunday I'll be with the same girlfriend selling some of her stuff at a local flea market. Well, I'm not allowed to lift anything over 10lbs, so I figure I could use an explanation for that too (I hate lying to people, but this hurts no one but me). Well, this morning I told Mr. Later Than Most my great idea! I can tell my girlfriend that I hurt my back and I'm taking a pain killer. This will explain my nondrinking and my nonlifting. Right after I tell him the idea he says, "You know, if this whole thing works, we are not going to tell people that we did IVF. We're just going to say we did it on our own." Um, what? I say, "I don't really agree with that." He says that he doesn't want people to know what we went through, and that we couldn't have a baby on our own. In fact, he doesn't even want family to know. I seriously almost fell over. I was shocked. Oh wait, then he had this line: "We'll just tell people that we went off the pill and it happened." Now, any girls reading this who have struggled with IF know how much that last statement hurts. I hate hearing people say that and then to lie about it? No e'ffing way. Okay, now I didn't tell Mr. Later Than Most the "No e'ffing way" for several reasons. First, I'm not supposed to undergo too much stress right now. So, why argue now about something that doesn't exist? Two, I'm sure Mr. Later Than Most feels like he is the "reason" for our struggles since the doctors couldn't pin-point any concerns with me. So, he probably doesn't want everyone to know this. I can understand his thinking, but I think women feel differently. We want people to be informed and not hide our situations. Again, I let this go for now. I'm a little frustrated because I want people to know that IVF is not just for Octomom's benefit. "Normal" people go through IVF. There is nothing wrong with it. I want people to know that.
Now I'll play devil's advocate. I've played these situations over and over again in my mind. What if a family member is against IVF and wants to make that known to us? I don't think I could ever forgive that person for lessening our troubles with their shitty opinion. Or, what if we have twins and friends say our twins "don't count" because we used fertility drugs? I would hit someone for that and probably never talk to them again. Or what if someone says, "Well, you just needed to relax or adopt. Then you would have gotten pregnant." People say this shit ALL OF THE TIME! In fact, TheBump newsletter writers asked girls on their Infertility board and Trouble Trying to Conceive board (the one I'm on). . . "What are some of the things people have said to you when they found out you were having trouble conceiving?" I just wanted to drop dead when I read that article. To seriously think that some girl had to hear a comment like, "You are trying too hard" or "Just fill out adoption papers, then you'll get pregnant." People say stuff because they don't know any better and they are informed. But, are we really ready to take that risk for people's ignorance? On one hand I can't put myself through that. We've been through enough. On the other hand, I want people to know that IVF and infertility are normal and happen to regular people all of the time. It's though!
Well, I know I have many girls read this blog who have been in my shoes or understand the situation. So, I'm going to put up a poll just to see what you all think of this madness. Even if you are grown and your kids have kids, vote anyway. In the long run, I'm going to do what Mr. Later Than Most wants. I hope he comes around, but if not, I have to understand how he feels. We both need to be on the same page, and if I didn't want people to know about our struggles, I'd want Mr. Later Than Most to respect that.
July 21, 2010
Let the Symptoms Begin!
Today I'm 2dp5dt (two days past five day transfer). I'm not allowed to Google anything, (per Heather) so I'm just taking in all the symptoms and noting them mentally. Now, if you've never had the honor of TTC for a long time or being an IF, then you cannot fully appreciate what we do. We are a breed of our own. So, in the two week wait, we analyze EVERY thing that happens in our bodies. Then, after the symptoms are noted, we Google the crap out of the symptoms. The hope is that you can find some girl in the World, within the past 5-10 years, who has those symptoms and got her long awaited BFP (big fat positive). So ladies, it's no joke, here are my symptoms:
Sarcastic? Yes. Crazy? Just a tad.
- Some cramping on 1dp5dt. Now, I happen to know this is a good sign. Fertility Friend is a chart making service for TTC and pregnancy, and I stalk the IVF charts there. It's on about 90% of positive IVF charts. Although, last year I had two cycles of triphasic morning temperatures on Fertility Friend, and all TTC girls know that triphasic temps are supposed to pretty much guarantee pregnancy. Hmmmm, that didn't pan out, did it?
- I've had the randomest hiccups. They just come and not when I'm eating. Hahahaha- TOTALLY A SIGN. Hahahaha
- Today my right eyebrow is ticking like crazy. Sometimes I'm holding my hand on it so it quits annoying me.
- I texted Heather on this one (she Googles for me and I Google for her), I was having a hard time catching my breath. Sure it's 94 degrees today with about 90% humidity, but what makes more sense? The weather, or an obvious pregnancy?
- I got up to pee about twice an hour last night. Boy, that led to a sleepless night!
- Yesterday I was dizzy on an off.
- I feel like I need a nap!
Sarcastic? Yes. Crazy? Just a tad.
July 20, 2010
Snowbabies
I have two snowbabies! Yesterday, embryology was watching our last 8 embies all day. They wanted to see how far they would develop until today and then decided which, if any, they could freeze for us. Of the 8, they only chose to freeze 2 embryos. Mr. Later Than Most and I were a little surprised, especially since they were watching 8! Well, quality over quantity, these two are 3AA grade and are expected to make a thaw and transfer if needed.
If you are not familiar with IVF, then I probably need to expalin an FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). As stated, embryology chooses the best of the best embies. These embies will then be frozen (at the patient's choice and expense!). The benefit of having frozen embryos is the FET is much less involved. There is no reason to use all of the fertility drugs during a FET, because the drugs are for harvesting and retrieving the eggs. In an FET, the eggs (and sperm) are already taken care of. So, no daily jabs in the stomach, and no blood appointments and ultrsounds every couple of days. Sure there are appointments and such, but no retrieval or drugs. This was a huge selling point for us. Also, FET rates are very good. At my RE, his FET rates are almos the same has his fresh transfer rates. So that is great :) Although, I'm sure we can all just say a little "thought" that I won't need those snowbabies for a couple of years. :)
Yesterdays' "bedrest" went quite well. Anyone who knows me IRL could tell you that bedrest and I would not mix. I am very high energy and need to be busy all the time. So, laying in bed was a little hard. Yea, I got up and ate and all that good stuff, but I spend most of my time reading, watching TV, and of course, on the Internet. Heather and Christina have both text countless times reminding me that I'm not allowed to Google IVF stuff. Hahahahahaha. I've been really good. The only thing I Googled was the grade of embryos yesterday :)
Oh, and I'm so excited that I have 14 followers on my blog! Whoo hoo! It's so cool to know that people are reading :) Now, I'm off to go back to my fav pregnancy and ttc site. . . I haven't signed-in for like 5 minutes.
July 19, 2010
Details, Details! Embabies on Board!
Transfer day is complete! It's unbelievable! When I left the RE, I told Mr. Later Than Most that all of this IVF stuff is actually easier than I thought it would be. I mean, IVF is the big time. It's controversial. But truly, it's manageable. I do have a slight advantage though. . . insurance. It makes me sick to think there are so many girls going through this and they have money to worry about on top of everything else. This shows you that there is something wrong with our system. We have laws for people to give-up their babies, but not enough to protect those who can't have babies. Anyway- onto today's details! I know I have some blog "stalkers" who are dying for the deets!
First of all, can I just say that I can get used to this bed rest? I mean, I ate lunch in bed, took a nap, and have been on the Internet the rest of the day! LOL- I'm sure that will be a different story at this time tomorrow! So, my appointment was at 9:15 this morning. On my way to the office, I started thinking like an infertile. I imagined embryology not having good news for me and anything else that could possibly go wrong. I had to turn the radio off and clear my thoughts. As my yoga instructor would say, "center" myself. Mr. Later Than Most arrived at the RE (from work) at the same time as me. We sat in the office a bit, and then they called my name. EEEEEK! Bring on the babies!
They led us into the same little room we were in for retrieval. It has a recliner and a chair. The nures told me to get back into my gown, and gave Mr. Later Than Most a gown. Uh, come again? When she left, he either understood the look on my face or felt the same way, because he goes, "Did you know I get to go in there?" Uh, no buddy. I didn't! Oh well, the more the merrier. Now, I know some women would love this. I have friends who are like Siamese twins with their husbands (I probably shouldn't say that!). Anyway, of course I wanted him in there. Actually, I think I freaked him out this morning because I told him that I would tell embryology to transfer more than two embryos if he was late to our appointment! Ha Ha! That's probably why he seemed eager to get in there!
After changing, embryology was knocking at the door. No literally, they wanted to come in our room. My husband was surprised when the embryologist came in and referred to me as "friend" with a huge smile on her face! She and I bonded at retrieval because we have the same birthday. After our moment, she told me about the two embryos they were transferring. Embryo ne was a grade 3AA. The number reflects the size. At a stage 5, the embryo will shed its outer shell to implant. The AA refers to two categories of quality. One is for cell mass quality, and the other is similar to cell mass sizing. Being a teacher, I was very excited that my embie was already getting two A's before even being in elementary school! Now, embie number two did not get graded. This was surprising to me. All that damn Googling had me thinking that I would get two embryo grades. Well, at my office they apparently only grade embryos when they reach a certain size. So embie number two was still growing (so cute!).
After embie discussion, they led us to the transfer room. It was small and dimly lit (which I appreciated)! She gave MH a stool and had me lay in a fancy recliner. This bad boy had all kinds of controls. I'm not even being funny when I say it was like a ride. The minute I sat down she had it going up, back, then forward, and finally tilting me backwards. It was a little weird. Then, she left and embryology came in to confirm who I was. They do this like three times. Then I laid in that weird position for like 10 minutes. Mr. Later Than Most was either incredibly excited or a ball of nerves, because he was cracking jokes left and right. I was laughing so hard that I was actually worried about my insides ( I know, it's weird). I can't even remember the jokes, but one was something about wanting to ask the doctor if MH could put his hand on the doctor's hand during the procedure so MH could say that he actually got me pregnant himself. Ha! I thought that was a good one!
So, my fab doctor finally showed up. The transfer room was a full house. Doc was there, along with the ultrasound tech, the girl from embryology, and a nurse. These are all people I had seen plenty of times, so I felt very comfortable. The procedure for transfer is actually very simple for a patient. The doctor washes everything out (not the tools, your actual self), then he inserts a small, flexible catheter through the cervix. I did not feel one thing at all. During that time, the ultrasound tech did an external ultrasound (Yay! My first external!) so the doctor can see what he's doing in there. I would say it was less than 5 minutes before the doctor told embryology he was ready. At this point, the ultrasound tech moved the screen so MH and I could see it. I think Mr. Later Than Most was a doctor in his last life, because he was thrilled to see all the "action" on the big screen. The next thing we knew, the tech told us to watch the screen. We could see a little white spot flow slowly into my body. We later learned that that was not the actual embryos, but an air bubble showing where they were. After they "landed", the doctor goes, "Ohhhh yeah! Perfect. Just perfect!" That guy cracks me up. He's like his own little cheerleader. After this, embryology took the catheter back into the lab to make sure that it was, in fact, empty. They gave the okay, and that was it. The doc gave me and MH a pep talk about how we had a perfect stimulation, retrieval was great, and that transfer was excellent. He literally said, "You know, my favorite football team's motto is 'We Expect Victory'. Well, I Expect Pregnancy here, kids." LOL- He calls us kids all time. Hello! I'm 32! Heheehehehehe. I wanted to tell him that he shouldn't be TOO positive with people, but I thought that maybe it was my IF acting-up again, so I didn't say anything. With that, off my doc went, and I was told to lay there for about 15 minutes (still in that random gravity chair thingy). During that time, MH and I talked all about the procedure so we could remember it in detail.
At discharge, they gave me a list of dos and don'ts. Nothing too fancy. They advise two days of bed rest, and I'm doing that. Also, no lifting or swimming for two weeks. I'll go in for my actual beta blood test (pregnancy test) on July 29th. That's 10 days from now! If I wanted to, I could test out my trigger shot. I could take a home test every day, wait for it to go negative (proving the HCG injection is out of my system), and then I could see if I get a positive test after that negative. It sounds great, but they advised me not to do it because there are so many false positives and negatives for IVF. So, looks like it'll be July 29th!
Oh yeah, and I'm already "That mom." When I left today, I called MH and told him that I had forgot to ask for the pictures of the embryos. I was really looking forward to this, but I forgot all about it. So, I drove back to the office (don't worry, I wasn't home yet) and asked if I could pretty-please have my embie pictures. The nurse was there in three minutes with one all ready for me! I'm so excited to have it!
First of all, can I just say that I can get used to this bed rest? I mean, I ate lunch in bed, took a nap, and have been on the Internet the rest of the day! LOL- I'm sure that will be a different story at this time tomorrow! So, my appointment was at 9:15 this morning. On my way to the office, I started thinking like an infertile. I imagined embryology not having good news for me and anything else that could possibly go wrong. I had to turn the radio off and clear my thoughts. As my yoga instructor would say, "center" myself. Mr. Later Than Most arrived at the RE (from work) at the same time as me. We sat in the office a bit, and then they called my name. EEEEEK! Bring on the babies!
They led us into the same little room we were in for retrieval. It has a recliner and a chair. The nures told me to get back into my gown, and gave Mr. Later Than Most a gown. Uh, come again? When she left, he either understood the look on my face or felt the same way, because he goes, "Did you know I get to go in there?" Uh, no buddy. I didn't! Oh well, the more the merrier. Now, I know some women would love this. I have friends who are like Siamese twins with their husbands (I probably shouldn't say that!). Anyway, of course I wanted him in there. Actually, I think I freaked him out this morning because I told him that I would tell embryology to transfer more than two embryos if he was late to our appointment! Ha Ha! That's probably why he seemed eager to get in there!
After changing, embryology was knocking at the door. No literally, they wanted to come in our room. My husband was surprised when the embryologist came in and referred to me as "friend" with a huge smile on her face! She and I bonded at retrieval because we have the same birthday. After our moment, she told me about the two embryos they were transferring. Embryo ne was a grade 3AA. The number reflects the size. At a stage 5, the embryo will shed its outer shell to implant. The AA refers to two categories of quality. One is for cell mass quality, and the other is similar to cell mass sizing. Being a teacher, I was very excited that my embie was already getting two A's before even being in elementary school! Now, embie number two did not get graded. This was surprising to me. All that damn Googling had me thinking that I would get two embryo grades. Well, at my office they apparently only grade embryos when they reach a certain size. So embie number two was still growing (so cute!).
After embie discussion, they led us to the transfer room. It was small and dimly lit (which I appreciated)! She gave MH a stool and had me lay in a fancy recliner. This bad boy had all kinds of controls. I'm not even being funny when I say it was like a ride. The minute I sat down she had it going up, back, then forward, and finally tilting me backwards. It was a little weird. Then, she left and embryology came in to confirm who I was. They do this like three times. Then I laid in that weird position for like 10 minutes. Mr. Later Than Most was either incredibly excited or a ball of nerves, because he was cracking jokes left and right. I was laughing so hard that I was actually worried about my insides ( I know, it's weird). I can't even remember the jokes, but one was something about wanting to ask the doctor if MH could put his hand on the doctor's hand during the procedure so MH could say that he actually got me pregnant himself. Ha! I thought that was a good one!
So, my fab doctor finally showed up. The transfer room was a full house. Doc was there, along with the ultrasound tech, the girl from embryology, and a nurse. These are all people I had seen plenty of times, so I felt very comfortable. The procedure for transfer is actually very simple for a patient. The doctor washes everything out (not the tools, your actual self), then he inserts a small, flexible catheter through the cervix. I did not feel one thing at all. During that time, the ultrasound tech did an external ultrasound (Yay! My first external!) so the doctor can see what he's doing in there. I would say it was less than 5 minutes before the doctor told embryology he was ready. At this point, the ultrasound tech moved the screen so MH and I could see it. I think Mr. Later Than Most was a doctor in his last life, because he was thrilled to see all the "action" on the big screen. The next thing we knew, the tech told us to watch the screen. We could see a little white spot flow slowly into my body. We later learned that that was not the actual embryos, but an air bubble showing where they were. After they "landed", the doctor goes, "Ohhhh yeah! Perfect. Just perfect!" That guy cracks me up. He's like his own little cheerleader. After this, embryology took the catheter back into the lab to make sure that it was, in fact, empty. They gave the okay, and that was it. The doc gave me and MH a pep talk about how we had a perfect stimulation, retrieval was great, and that transfer was excellent. He literally said, "You know, my favorite football team's motto is 'We Expect Victory'. Well, I Expect Pregnancy here, kids." LOL- He calls us kids all time. Hello! I'm 32! Heheehehehehe. I wanted to tell him that he shouldn't be TOO positive with people, but I thought that maybe it was my IF acting-up again, so I didn't say anything. With that, off my doc went, and I was told to lay there for about 15 minutes (still in that random gravity chair thingy). During that time, MH and I talked all about the procedure so we could remember it in detail.
At discharge, they gave me a list of dos and don'ts. Nothing too fancy. They advise two days of bed rest, and I'm doing that. Also, no lifting or swimming for two weeks. I'll go in for my actual beta blood test (pregnancy test) on July 29th. That's 10 days from now! If I wanted to, I could test out my trigger shot. I could take a home test every day, wait for it to go negative (proving the HCG injection is out of my system), and then I could see if I get a positive test after that negative. It sounds great, but they advised me not to do it because there are so many false positives and negatives for IVF. So, looks like it'll be July 29th!
Oh yeah, and I'm already "That mom." When I left today, I called MH and told him that I had forgot to ask for the pictures of the embryos. I was really looking forward to this, but I forgot all about it. So, I drove back to the office (don't worry, I wasn't home yet) and asked if I could pretty-please have my embie pictures. The nurse was there in three minutes with one all ready for me! I'm so excited to have it!
July 18, 2010
Holy Friggen Crap!
(I'm sure my choice of vocabulary has not pinned me as a teacher of little children, but I swear I have a clean vocabulary during the school year.)
Tomorrow is the big day! Oh my God, I can't believe it. TRANSFER DAY! My appointment is at 9:15am for a 9:35 transfer. And, if I remember correctly, I'll get a pic of those embies. Now, my excitement is obvious, however, don't think for one second that I have forgot that this may not work. That thought lingers in my head every time I feel too excited. It's a way to bring myself back to reality. One thing I will need on my two days of bed rest is either a Google lock, or a person to monitor my Googling. Yea, I'm sure most TTC girls can identify with this. We friggen Google everything: every procedure, every symptom, every thought. Success stories bring us up, and non success stories bring us down far. So as much as Google is your friend when you are learning how all of this works, it is your biggest enemy when you know everything already.
For IVF (and many other reproductive procedures), patients get the luxury of a blood test to confirm a possible pregnancy. This sounds appealing doesn't it? No reading those two pink lines. An actual blood confirmation. As black and white as it sounds, it's another torment. For one, you go in for the blood test in the early morning. Then, you have wait on pins and needles all day long for the callback. The blood needs to be sent out and analyzed, so the doctor's office will normally call back between two and four. So, luckily, one gets to wait all day long for that call. Then, blood numbers confirming pregnancy (called betas) range all over the place. A normal first beta is like anywhere from 7-170. So imagine if your beta comes back as a 6. Now you get to freak out for two days. Am I pregnant? Am I not? Am I miscarrying? Not a fun game. The beta game continues when you go back in two days to redo the test. They are looking for that number to double or more than double. So, after waiting another whole day for a phone call, you better hope that 6 comes back above a 12.
On the contrary, what if that beta comes back as 257? Great right? ZOMG Totes preggo!!!! Then you get to wonder. . . one baby, tw
o babies, holy shit, three? While waiting for the next blood test in two days, you get to play "What did I get myself into? Can I afford multiples without my own TLC series? Damn that five day transfer!" Hahahaha It's a fun game! I plan to call it "Beta Roulette."
Tomorrow is the big day! Oh my God, I can't believe it. TRANSFER DAY! My appointment is at 9:15am for a 9:35 transfer. And, if I remember correctly, I'll get a pic of those embies. Now, my excitement is obvious, however, don't think for one second that I have forgot that this may not work. That thought lingers in my head every time I feel too excited. It's a way to bring myself back to reality. One thing I will need on my two days of bed rest is either a Google lock, or a person to monitor my Googling. Yea, I'm sure most TTC girls can identify with this. We friggen Google everything: every procedure, every symptom, every thought. Success stories bring us up, and non success stories bring us down far. So as much as Google is your friend when you are learning how all of this works, it is your biggest enemy when you know everything already.
For IVF (and many other reproductive procedures), patients get the luxury of a blood test to confirm a possible pregnancy. This sounds appealing doesn't it? No reading those two pink lines. An actual blood confirmation. As black and white as it sounds, it's another torment. For one, you go in for the blood test in the early morning. Then, you have wait on pins and needles all day long for the callback. The blood needs to be sent out and analyzed, so the doctor's office will normally call back between two and four. So, luckily, one gets to wait all day long for that call. Then, blood numbers confirming pregnancy (called betas) range all over the place. A normal first beta is like anywhere from 7-170. So imagine if your beta comes back as a 6. Now you get to freak out for two days. Am I pregnant? Am I not? Am I miscarrying? Not a fun game. The beta game continues when you go back in two days to redo the test. They are looking for that number to double or more than double. So, after waiting another whole day for a phone call, you better hope that 6 comes back above a 12.
On the contrary, what if that beta comes back as 257? Great right? ZOMG Totes preggo!!!! Then you get to wonder. . . one baby, tw
o babies, holy shit, three? While waiting for the next blood test in two days, you get to play "What did I get myself into? Can I afford multiples without my own TLC series? Damn that five day transfer!" Hahahaha It's a fun game! I plan to call it "Beta Roulette."July 17, 2010
It's Gotta Get Better
I'm still not feeling like my normal self. The morning after bloat, I got all excited that it was gone. I could breath normal and everything. Well, as usual, I should have known not to get too excited for too long. The bloat comes every time I eat anything. And I mean anything. For Pete's sake, I'm eating very healthy and there it is. It's so hard to walk with bloat pain. Oh and how about this gem. . . I went out and bought a couple of larger shirts so I could hide it. Thank goodness for Old Navy and their cheap stuff.
Pain wise, I had none the day after retrieval. However, the pain showed up again on Friday. The weird thing is that it stays on the left side. I wonder if good 'ole Dr. Miller poked that needle wrong or something. You really get to learn a lot about your body when you go though a procedure. For instance, I learned that a needle hole in your ovaries affects your whole elimination system. I'm sorry if that's too much information, but I have no shame. So, every time I go to the restroom everything hurts. Fun! Needless to say, I'm back on the basic Tylenol.
Yesterday I went grocery shopping and got all of the items I need for pre-transfer. Any internet search for IVF transfer will tell you the same thing. First, IVF girls should eat pineapple core. This is supposed to help the embryos implant. Yesterday I bought one, cut it all up, and put it in the fridge. Also, I believe I mentioned Gatorade. The sodium and electrolytes are good for preventing OHSS. So, I bought two more big ones yesterday. For meals: protein, protein, protein. I don't eat beef or pork so this gets complicated for me. I was able to buy some apple smoked chicken sausage that's high in protein. Well, don't I just sound all set and ready for transfer? Well I was. . .
Mr. Later Than Most had a couple of friends come over last night. They hung out in the backyard. I was asleep, but he woke me up to tell me that they would be outside. Good thing they didn't hang out inside because those damn progesterone suppositories make me pee every 15 minutes. Our guests would have known something was off. Anywho- I woke up this morning to let the dog out and saw the damage. Our patio was full of empty Gatorade containers, the chicken sausage wrapper and an empty bowl of pineapple. Needless to say, I'll be shopping today for my transfer food (again)! Mr. Later Than Most is Lucky he is so darn cute!
Pain wise, I had none the day after retrieval. However, the pain showed up again on Friday. The weird thing is that it stays on the left side. I wonder if good 'ole Dr. Miller poked that needle wrong or something. You really get to learn a lot about your body when you go though a procedure. For instance, I learned that a needle hole in your ovaries affects your whole elimination system. I'm sorry if that's too much information, but I have no shame. So, every time I go to the restroom everything hurts. Fun! Needless to say, I'm back on the basic Tylenol.
Yesterday I went grocery shopping and got all of the items I need for pre-transfer. Any internet search for IVF transfer will tell you the same thing. First, IVF girls should eat pineapple core. This is supposed to help the embryos implant. Yesterday I bought one, cut it all up, and put it in the fridge. Also, I believe I mentioned Gatorade. The sodium and electrolytes are good for preventing OHSS. So, I bought two more big ones yesterday. For meals: protein, protein, protein. I don't eat beef or pork so this gets complicated for me. I was able to buy some apple smoked chicken sausage that's high in protein. Well, don't I just sound all set and ready for transfer? Well I was. . .
Mr. Later Than Most had a couple of friends come over last night. They hung out in the backyard. I was asleep, but he woke me up to tell me that they would be outside. Good thing they didn't hang out inside because those damn progesterone suppositories make me pee every 15 minutes. Our guests would have known something was off. Anywho- I woke up this morning to let the dog out and saw the damage. Our patio was full of empty Gatorade containers, the chicken sausage wrapper and an empty bowl of pineapple. Needless to say, I'll be shopping today for my transfer food (again)! Mr. Later Than Most is Lucky he is so darn cute!
July 16, 2010
Embie Transfer Confirmed!
Before I give my good news, Heather thought I should post a picture of my bloat. I was actually worried that I had OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome). They warn you of this. It small cases it could cause death. Sometimes girls have had to go in and get their ovaries drained. Are you kidding me? Like going through this isn't enough, I'd love nothing more than to have more needles poke my ovs. So, since I have no shame left in this world, you are seeing my bloat pic. That is two days after retrieval.
Speaking of my beautiful embies, the embryology nurse called today and confirmed that I will do a 5 day transfer. This means the embies are doing great and will make it to a five day. So MONDAY is the big day. It's very exciting and of course nerve-wrecking at the same time. I decided I will also take the advice of the IVF team and take two days of bedrest with transfer. So, I'll be holed-up in bed for Monday and Tuesday. Perhaps you can expect a crap load of really unproductive blogs from me!
July 15, 2010
And The News Is In!
I had a fab call from embryology today! Of my 19 eggs that were retrieved, 15 were mature and fertilized with ICSI. Of the 15, 10 are growing and on track. I'm so excited to have 10 embies! As of now, they think that I will have a 5 day transfer. A five day transfer does give a better success rate, however nothing is a guarantee. We are staying very positive. Last night, Mr. Later Than Most said the cutest thing. He goes, " Do you realize that just 6 miles from here our DNA is determining our kids? Hair color, intelligence, boy, girl, etc" He kept going. I thought it was really cute. I think he knows that I secretly hope they have my motivation for learning and his good looks. Okay, I'm decent looking too, but no teacher wants a kid that is a pain in the ass at school!
Of all my studying-up on IF, I forgot that retrieval can really make you bloated. I'm not exaggerating here, I look at least 12 weeks pregnant. It's the evil IF game. They get you all used to waddling around and rubbing your chub. Just like how they make you take birth control and a home pregnancy test. They just like to mess with you.
So, I nearly just fell off of my couch when I read the success rates for a 5 day transfer. Twins have a 60% success rate! 60%?!!!!! Now that is buy one get one free. Could someone actually get that lucky? It seems unreal to go from not being able to have one kid to having two. Again, with this bloat I already look like twins are in the oven.
Of all my studying-up on IF, I forgot that retrieval can really make you bloated. I'm not exaggerating here, I look at least 12 weeks pregnant. It's the evil IF game. They get you all used to waddling around and rubbing your chub. Just like how they make you take birth control and a home pregnancy test. They just like to mess with you.
So, I nearly just fell off of my couch when I read the success rates for a 5 day transfer. Twins have a 60% success rate! 60%?!!!!! Now that is buy one get one free. Could someone actually get that lucky? It seems unreal to go from not being able to have one kid to having two. Again, with this bloat I already look like twins are in the oven.
July 14, 2010
Retrieval Day!
It seriously does not matter how many blogs I write, I still can't believe I'm going through this whole process. It's very surreal and just "out of control" (that's a shout-out for Heather and Christina).
So today was my retrieval. Because I have many girls following who may go through this process, I'm about to give every detail. For those who don't like long-winded posts, you are going to hate me.
First of all, I can't believe I even slept last night! Before I went to bed I cleaned the house and put many things on my nightstand. I didn't want to come home to a dirty house, and I wanted to make sure I had things within my reach. So, I had a book and my meds all ready next to my bed. My procedure was scheduled for 7:15am but with an arrival time of 6:15. When Mr. Later Than Most and I pulled into the parking lot, I panicked that the regular office would not be open and that the IVF nurse may have forgot to tell me about the secret IVF door. I'm telling you, the negativity from IF just never wears off! Luckily, the door was very much open and another couple was already there. Of course, I had to scope them out. They looked our age and maybe younger. They for sure looked nervous.
A few minutes later they called us back. MH and I were both surprised that he was able to come. I just thought he'd wait in the waiting room until they called him to do his "duty." They took us back to a small, personal waiting room complete with our own bathroom, SCORE!. The nurse explained that they would ask me some questions (to make sure I've been following their directions), then the anesthesiologist would come in and set my IV drip, an embryologist would follow and discuss their details, and finally, my fav celebrity Dr. Miller would come in and say hello! So, all of this occurred just like she said. Though I wasn't nervous all morning, something was for sure bothering me and I couldn't figure out what it was. Well, until the nurse took my pulse. It was 105. She didn't say anything and she left. Right away Mr. Later Than Most said he thought that was a little high and asked me if I was nervous. I told him that I didn't think I was, but how could a person not be? Well, right away I felt like he was harassing me a bit and I had enough to worry about. So, I started crying! Ugh, fricken hormone injections. I quickly wiped my eyes with a tissue before embryology came in. That would be so embarrassing. Mr. Later Than Most had this look on his face like, "Holy shit, what did I do." Thank goodness I got those tears all wiped away.
Embryology came in and confirmed that they were doing ICSI. This is where they actually inject the sperm into the egg. It was created for MFI patients, specifically for morphology abnormalities and probably motility issues, but our office does it in 80% of IVF cases. They also confirmed a 2-3 embryo transfer. My heart jumped on this one. I told them last time that I'm too young for a 3, and that at my age and this being our first IVF, 2 is what we planned. Of course she was fine with that (yea, after I nearly took off her poor head). She said that the only reason I should do three is if the quality isn't good. I agreed and said we would decide when they called me the next couple of days. Finally, she said the best thing ever. . . they would give me a picture of my embryos! I've really had embryo envy since I joined Thebump.com Many IVF girls post pics of their embies, and I was so glad to know that I would get some too. If there is a .05% that those bad boys would grow more because I talked to the picture, then I'd friggen do it!
Soon enough, Dr. Miller came in to say hi. Boy was he tan! I wondered how the heck he had time for a vaca after he knocked-up like 6 girls a day. Soon after, my nurse came and took me back. The room was a very small operating room. I really liked it. The assistant in their was a very young girl who immediately told me that we had the same birthday. That made me feel so relaxed. I love normal conversations right before they shove a needle in your ovary! We chatted about school, jobs, vacations, and plenty of other stuff until the anesthesiologist came in. He and her started chatting and chatting. In the meantime embryology poked a head through a little flip window in the room, and had me confirm my name and my husband's name. Good thing, cause I didn't want the girl's embryos from the room next door. Actually, who am I kidding? I'll take any baby right now. Heehehehe. Anywho- The next thing I knew the anesthesiologist injected something into my IV. I immediately told him, "Well, it's working!" And that's the last thing I remember.
When I woke up, I was back in the little private room with Mr. Later Than Most sitting next to me. I woke up in a recliner! How the heck they did that, I don't know. As soon as I opened my eyes my husband said, "19 eggs!" Oh good, I thought. Then I teased him, "Is this real-life?" I said. Ha! If you've never seen David After Dentist on YouTube, you need to get over there and see it. I promise you'll love it.
After teasing him, I noticed the pain. Dr. Miller came in right after to tell me how great I did and confirm the number of eggs. Luckily, Mr. Later Than Most quickly told him I was in pain. Not even 1 minute later a nurse was in with a pain shot. Like any medical office, she made me rate that friggen pain on a scale of 1-10. I hate that! How the heck do I know where I am on the continuum? So, I shot-out a 7 at her but I was thinking I may be an 8. Either way, in about 20 minutes it was more dull than anything. The sucky thing was I was so queasy. She made me eat some animal crackers and ginger ale to get things moving. Once I did, she let me take some extra strength Tylenol too. I tell ya, if I listed all of the drugs I have put into my body for the past thirty days, you would truly be astounded.
FINALLY- At around 10:15 I felt ready to get up and get dressed and boy did it hurt. It was like really bad menstrual cramps pushing up against your abdomen. But, I was easily able to get myself dressed. Before leaving, she reminded me of all the drugs I would take when I get home: prenatal vitamin (for the future babe), oral steroid (so my body won't fight the embryos), Tylenol Codeine (pain killer), baby aspirin (prevent clotting), and antibiotic (I've been on that for 10 days). Oh and the fun vaginal suppositories start tomorrow. My husband nearly fell out of his chair when she said I would need to use those the first three months of pregnancy. Ugh, that's 270 something vajay deposits! Oh well!
So, Mr. Later Than Most walked me out of the secret exit (yes, they do have one). I noticed right away that I was the only one left in the IVF lab! There was one girl before me and three after! WTF was I doing? LOL The bumpy car ride home was interesting. I felt like my insides were wobbling all over. When we got home, I immediately climbed in bed. I was so thankful that I cleaned and had my stuff right at my bedside.
So, I slept for most of the day and let my husband wait on me. He was outstanding! He ran to get prescriptions, electrolyte water, and eventually McDonald's (hey, the nurse said I should eat whatever I wanted!). I slept about 7 hours and I only took 2 Tylenol codeine the whole day. :)
I still have some pain. I don't even want to explain what it feels like to go to the bathroom. I will leave something for the imagination. But the pain is enough to make me not want to drink! Okay, again, it's manageable, and if it will get us our baby, I'll do it all over again tomorrow.
So today was my retrieval. Because I have many girls following who may go through this process, I'm about to give every detail. For those who don't like long-winded posts, you are going to hate me.
First of all, I can't believe I even slept last night! Before I went to bed I cleaned the house and put many things on my nightstand. I didn't want to come home to a dirty house, and I wanted to make sure I had things within my reach. So, I had a book and my meds all ready next to my bed. My procedure was scheduled for 7:15am but with an arrival time of 6:15. When Mr. Later Than Most and I pulled into the parking lot, I panicked that the regular office would not be open and that the IVF nurse may have forgot to tell me about the secret IVF door. I'm telling you, the negativity from IF just never wears off! Luckily, the door was very much open and another couple was already there. Of course, I had to scope them out. They looked our age and maybe younger. They for sure looked nervous.
A few minutes later they called us back. MH and I were both surprised that he was able to come. I just thought he'd wait in the waiting room until they called him to do his "duty." They took us back to a small, personal waiting room complete with our own bathroom, SCORE!. The nurse explained that they would ask me some questions (to make sure I've been following their directions), then the anesthesiologist would come in and set my IV drip, an embryologist would follow and discuss their details, and finally, my fav celebrity Dr. Miller would come in and say hello! So, all of this occurred just like she said. Though I wasn't nervous all morning, something was for sure bothering me and I couldn't figure out what it was. Well, until the nurse took my pulse. It was 105. She didn't say anything and she left. Right away Mr. Later Than Most said he thought that was a little high and asked me if I was nervous. I told him that I didn't think I was, but how could a person not be? Well, right away I felt like he was harassing me a bit and I had enough to worry about. So, I started crying! Ugh, fricken hormone injections. I quickly wiped my eyes with a tissue before embryology came in. That would be so embarrassing. Mr. Later Than Most had this look on his face like, "Holy shit, what did I do." Thank goodness I got those tears all wiped away.
Embryology came in and confirmed that they were doing ICSI. This is where they actually inject the sperm into the egg. It was created for MFI patients, specifically for morphology abnormalities and probably motility issues, but our office does it in 80% of IVF cases. They also confirmed a 2-3 embryo transfer. My heart jumped on this one. I told them last time that I'm too young for a 3, and that at my age and this being our first IVF, 2 is what we planned. Of course she was fine with that (yea, after I nearly took off her poor head). She said that the only reason I should do three is if the quality isn't good. I agreed and said we would decide when they called me the next couple of days. Finally, she said the best thing ever. . . they would give me a picture of my embryos! I've really had embryo envy since I joined Thebump.com Many IVF girls post pics of their embies, and I was so glad to know that I would get some too. If there is a .05% that those bad boys would grow more because I talked to the picture, then I'd friggen do it!
Soon enough, Dr. Miller came in to say hi. Boy was he tan! I wondered how the heck he had time for a vaca after he knocked-up like 6 girls a day. Soon after, my nurse came and took me back. The room was a very small operating room. I really liked it. The assistant in their was a very young girl who immediately told me that we had the same birthday. That made me feel so relaxed. I love normal conversations right before they shove a needle in your ovary! We chatted about school, jobs, vacations, and plenty of other stuff until the anesthesiologist came in. He and her started chatting and chatting. In the meantime embryology poked a head through a little flip window in the room, and had me confirm my name and my husband's name. Good thing, cause I didn't want the girl's embryos from the room next door. Actually, who am I kidding? I'll take any baby right now. Heehehehe. Anywho- The next thing I knew the anesthesiologist injected something into my IV. I immediately told him, "Well, it's working!" And that's the last thing I remember.
When I woke up, I was back in the little private room with Mr. Later Than Most sitting next to me. I woke up in a recliner! How the heck they did that, I don't know. As soon as I opened my eyes my husband said, "19 eggs!" Oh good, I thought. Then I teased him, "Is this real-life?" I said. Ha! If you've never seen David After Dentist on YouTube, you need to get over there and see it. I promise you'll love it.
After teasing him, I noticed the pain. Dr. Miller came in right after to tell me how great I did and confirm the number of eggs. Luckily, Mr. Later Than Most quickly told him I was in pain. Not even 1 minute later a nurse was in with a pain shot. Like any medical office, she made me rate that friggen pain on a scale of 1-10. I hate that! How the heck do I know where I am on the continuum? So, I shot-out a 7 at her but I was thinking I may be an 8. Either way, in about 20 minutes it was more dull than anything. The sucky thing was I was so queasy. She made me eat some animal crackers and ginger ale to get things moving. Once I did, she let me take some extra strength Tylenol too. I tell ya, if I listed all of the drugs I have put into my body for the past thirty days, you would truly be astounded.
FINALLY- At around 10:15 I felt ready to get up and get dressed and boy did it hurt. It was like really bad menstrual cramps pushing up against your abdomen. But, I was easily able to get myself dressed. Before leaving, she reminded me of all the drugs I would take when I get home: prenatal vitamin (for the future babe), oral steroid (so my body won't fight the embryos), Tylenol Codeine (pain killer), baby aspirin (prevent clotting), and antibiotic (I've been on that for 10 days). Oh and the fun vaginal suppositories start tomorrow. My husband nearly fell out of his chair when she said I would need to use those the first three months of pregnancy. Ugh, that's 270 something vajay deposits! Oh well!
So, Mr. Later Than Most walked me out of the secret exit (yes, they do have one). I noticed right away that I was the only one left in the IVF lab! There was one girl before me and three after! WTF was I doing? LOL The bumpy car ride home was interesting. I felt like my insides were wobbling all over. When we got home, I immediately climbed in bed. I was so thankful that I cleaned and had my stuff right at my bedside.
So, I slept for most of the day and let my husband wait on me. He was outstanding! He ran to get prescriptions, electrolyte water, and eventually McDonald's (hey, the nurse said I should eat whatever I wanted!). I slept about 7 hours and I only took 2 Tylenol codeine the whole day. :)
I still have some pain. I don't even want to explain what it feels like to go to the bathroom. I will leave something for the imagination. But the pain is enough to make me not want to drink! Okay, again, it's manageable, and if it will get us our baby, I'll do it all over again tomorrow.
July 13, 2010
And There It Is. . .
For two long years I waited to see those two, beautiful pink lines. In times of desperation, I even put the pee stick on a light bulb to see if I could at least see the outline of a second line. The pee stick manufacturers must know about psychotic IF girls who are desperate for a second line, because they make sure that not even a shadow of a line is there. Sometimes I imagined the line, and sometimes I wanted to draw one on to see what it would look like. Don't worry, that's not abnormal. Heather said the same thing the other day when I met her.
So, the opportunity came this morning to see those two beautiful pink lines. If you are new to my blog, DON'T GET ALL EXCITED! Those two pink lines aren't meant for me. Background: Last night I took my HCG injection. HCG is the actual pregnancy hormone. They use it for fertility procedures to "finalize" the eggs. So, last night I injected 10,000ius. That sounds like a lot, but it was only 1 milliliter of liquid. I'll tell you though, that shit stung worse than the Menopur/Follistim combo. It just sat in my stomach for like 5 minutes. So, I shot up the pregnancy hormone, and then the following morning, the doc asked me to take a pregnancy test. I wanted to ask the IVF nurse if they have done any studies on IVF patients and taking a pee stick after an HCG injection. I wanted to know if it could do permanent psychological damage. I mean, how could it not? TTC for years and then you have to see a BFP for the doctor? So, last night I told Mr. Later Than Most that I couldn't do it. I couldn't POAS and see those two lines that I've been waiting two years to see. I told him he would have to be the pee stick viewer. He agreed. I don't think he fully appreciated why though. I don't know if you can expect them to: they dont' have to do injects and go to the IVF office every other day for blood and ultrasound. They don't have to take the boat-load of drugs each day. Either way, he knows not to mess with me after 10 days of injectable hormones.
Well, this morning I woke up and remembered I had to POAS. I went into the bathroom and grabbed one of my internet cheapie pee sticks. You think for a $26,000 procedure they'd include a pee stick? Nope. I thought about getting Mr. Later Than Most to read it, but I didn't. I was so desperate to see those lines that I just said, "screw it." I watched as the entire stick turned pink. The control line popped up right away. Would you believe, my negative IF mind actually thought I'd get a negative? That's what IF does. I shot myself up last night with 10,000 units of pregnancy hormone and I actually thought that the damn test would be negative. Now that's a cause for therapy! Anywho- the two pink lines showed. And like the true IF I am, I had to pee on more than one. I haven't peed on a stick in so long, I wasn't passing up the opportunity.
The pee stick wasn't even that big of a deal anyway. So, there were two pink lines. . . big deal! I'm going to save the true mother of all tests for when the doctor tells me I have a positive beta (blood pregnancy test). I'm going to POAD. That's pee on a digital (the mother of all tests). Then, the smart ass little test will actually say "pregnant" or "not pregnant." That's the big time and I'm looking forward to that.
So, the opportunity came this morning to see those two beautiful pink lines. If you are new to my blog, DON'T GET ALL EXCITED! Those two pink lines aren't meant for me. Background: Last night I took my HCG injection. HCG is the actual pregnancy hormone. They use it for fertility procedures to "finalize" the eggs. So, last night I injected 10,000ius. That sounds like a lot, but it was only 1 milliliter of liquid. I'll tell you though, that shit stung worse than the Menopur/Follistim combo. It just sat in my stomach for like 5 minutes. So, I shot up the pregnancy hormone, and then the following morning, the doc asked me to take a pregnancy test. I wanted to ask the IVF nurse if they have done any studies on IVF patients and taking a pee stick after an HCG injection. I wanted to know if it could do permanent psychological damage. I mean, how could it not? TTC for years and then you have to see a BFP for the doctor? So, last night I told Mr. Later Than Most that I couldn't do it. I couldn't POAS and see those two lines that I've been waiting two years to see. I told him he would have to be the pee stick viewer. He agreed. I don't think he fully appreciated why though. I don't know if you can expect them to: they dont' have to do injects and go to the IVF office every other day for blood and ultrasound. They don't have to take the boat-load of drugs each day. Either way, he knows not to mess with me after 10 days of injectable hormones.
Well, this morning I woke up and remembered I had to POAS. I went into the bathroom and grabbed one of my internet cheapie pee sticks. You think for a $26,000 procedure they'd include a pee stick? Nope. I thought about getting Mr. Later Than Most to read it, but I didn't. I was so desperate to see those lines that I just said, "screw it." I watched as the entire stick turned pink. The control line popped up right away. Would you believe, my negative IF mind actually thought I'd get a negative? That's what IF does. I shot myself up last night with 10,000 units of pregnancy hormone and I actually thought that the damn test would be negative. Now that's a cause for therapy! Anywho- the two pink lines showed. And like the true IF I am, I had to pee on more than one. I haven't peed on a stick in so long, I wasn't passing up the opportunity.
The pee stick wasn't even that big of a deal anyway. So, there were two pink lines. . . big deal! I'm going to save the true mother of all tests for when the doctor tells me I have a positive beta (blood pregnancy test). I'm going to POAD. That's pee on a digital (the mother of all tests). Then, the smart ass little test will actually say "pregnant" or "not pregnant." That's the big time and I'm looking forward to that.
July 12, 2010
This is It!
I just got my long awaited call! I will do my HCG trigger shot tonight at 8:15. I'm scheduled for retrieval at 7:15 on Wednesday morning! The nurse said everything looks great! This post is what the "Bump" girls call a post and run! I'm off to yoga! More info later!
July 11, 2010
Combo Post
So, a combo post will mean that I have a bunch of crap to talk about, and the topics don't really go together.
First, a Fertility Report update from yesterday. I'm pretty much turtling along. Hehehe, that's what I call it. My biggest follie was 18 and they need most of them to be between 18 and 20. The good thing is that many other follies caught up and they are all pretty much getting to be the same size. As of now, the doctor says my retrieval will be Wednesday. WEDNESDAY? I totally thought Tuesday at the latest. Oh well :) As my IVF buddy Doris said to me, "Slow and steady wins the race." Doris has her retrieval tomorrow. I'm praying for you sweetie!
Now, as for yesterday, I had my big date with Heather from TWW. I'm saying date because I changed outfits three times and she told me she was a little jittery. The good news is that we found out that each of us is normal. Hey, you never know when you meet Internet friends! Actually, FaceBook lets you make sure that your Internet friends are not ax murders, and Heather is not. We had a great time chatting it up and trying to figure out how the hell people can't get pregnant after two years of trying. Poor Adam (Heather's DH), sat through a ton of baby crap. Boy, was he a trooper. In fact, he got so comfy that he starting voicing his own baby crap opinions. We were like the 3 Musketeers! What a great time, and they even let me shoot up at their house. And of course, being the sweetheart she is, Heather even had a little "good luck" gift all prepared.
Now, since our meeting was such a success, we have a whole IF weekend we are planning so we can meet Christina. We're thinking about a girls' weekend in the Chi. Trust me people, you do not want to witness three IF complaining about life. Actually, it should be a blast, unless Christina is an ax murderer of course.
At this moment, I'm off to Mrs. February 2010's house. You remember her right? She planned to get pregnant in February 2010 for two years and it worked! Aren't they special? I HAVE to go as Mr. Later Than Most keeps calling to see when I'll be there. Not only do they have a new mansion, they also have the only thing I want most in the world and don't have. :( Oh well, enough pity. The girls on TWW always say "chin up." You gotta love them, we watch girls go through miscarriages, preemie births, multiples, and countless IUI and IVF procedures. They always have the right things to say, no matter the situation.
Now, I'm off with my chin up to that bitch's house. Whoops, it's not working... brahahaha.
First, a Fertility Report update from yesterday. I'm pretty much turtling along. Hehehe, that's what I call it. My biggest follie was 18 and they need most of them to be between 18 and 20. The good thing is that many other follies caught up and they are all pretty much getting to be the same size. As of now, the doctor says my retrieval will be Wednesday. WEDNESDAY? I totally thought Tuesday at the latest. Oh well :) As my IVF buddy Doris said to me, "Slow and steady wins the race." Doris has her retrieval tomorrow. I'm praying for you sweetie!
Now, as for yesterday, I had my big date with Heather from TWW. I'm saying date because I changed outfits three times and she told me she was a little jittery. The good news is that we found out that each of us is normal. Hey, you never know when you meet Internet friends! Actually, FaceBook lets you make sure that your Internet friends are not ax murders, and Heather is not. We had a great time chatting it up and trying to figure out how the hell people can't get pregnant after two years of trying. Poor Adam (Heather's DH), sat through a ton of baby crap. Boy, was he a trooper. In fact, he got so comfy that he starting voicing his own baby crap opinions. We were like the 3 Musketeers! What a great time, and they even let me shoot up at their house. And of course, being the sweetheart she is, Heather even had a little "good luck" gift all prepared.
Now, since our meeting was such a success, we have a whole IF weekend we are planning so we can meet Christina. We're thinking about a girls' weekend in the Chi. Trust me people, you do not want to witness three IF complaining about life. Actually, it should be a blast, unless Christina is an ax murderer of course.
At this moment, I'm off to Mrs. February 2010's house. You remember her right? She planned to get pregnant in February 2010 for two years and it worked! Aren't they special? I HAVE to go as Mr. Later Than Most keeps calling to see when I'll be there. Not only do they have a new mansion, they also have the only thing I want most in the world and don't have. :( Oh well, enough pity. The girls on TWW always say "chin up." You gotta love them, we watch girls go through miscarriages, preemie births, multiples, and countless IUI and IVF procedures. They always have the right things to say, no matter the situation.
Now, I'm off with my chin up to that bitch's house. Whoops, it's not working... brahahaha.
July 10, 2010
BIG DAY!
Okay, that title is misleading. It's not like I'm having my retrieval today or anything! Actually, in about 15 minutes I'm off to the doctor's office to see how those follies are doing. I'll have a clearer picture later today, but I think I'll be triggering this weekend (HCG injection) and then having my retrieval on Monday or Tuesday. We'll find out this afternoon!
So today is a big day because I'm meeting my first "Internet" friend! My BFF Heather from TWW lives only 45 minutes away, and we have not met yet! Though we have been texting and Booking since forever, we just hadn't gotten together. I'm so excited that she invited me over. I imagine a major gab fest, along with my one glass of wine that I plan to have before retrieval. I'm sure we have a lot to talk about. Oh, and it should make a great blog tomorrow. . . .title: Heather is a Weirdo.
LOL- JUST KIDDING HEATHER (I know she reads my blog)!
On a different note, I may have left a bitchy comment on a TLC Conception Stories blog. I venture over there to keep up with Christina's progress (even though we text everyday). She's currently my only celebrity friend. Anywho- this peach of a girl went on and on how everyone should be happy for pregnant people and she is sure people look at her and think "why can't I have a baby?" Oh and the gem "Not everyone can have kids." Now, one of my friends said they really enjoy me on hormones (especially after she read the comment I left). I'm telling you right now, I would have been just as bitchy without them. I called her selfish and very self-absorbed if she thought people looked at her and wondered why they were pregnant. Oh, and she used our IF favorite "relax and it happens." M-O-R-O-N. Hey girls with one tube and no egg reserve, just friggen relax! Your tube will grow back and so will your eggs.
Great, I just ruined my acupuncture by getting all worked up again!
So today is a big day because I'm meeting my first "Internet" friend! My BFF Heather from TWW lives only 45 minutes away, and we have not met yet! Though we have been texting and Booking since forever, we just hadn't gotten together. I'm so excited that she invited me over. I imagine a major gab fest, along with my one glass of wine that I plan to have before retrieval. I'm sure we have a lot to talk about. Oh, and it should make a great blog tomorrow. . . .title: Heather is a Weirdo.
LOL- JUST KIDDING HEATHER (I know she reads my blog)!
On a different note, I may have left a bitchy comment on a TLC Conception Stories blog. I venture over there to keep up with Christina's progress (even though we text everyday). She's currently my only celebrity friend. Anywho- this peach of a girl went on and on how everyone should be happy for pregnant people and she is sure people look at her and think "why can't I have a baby?" Oh and the gem "Not everyone can have kids." Now, one of my friends said they really enjoy me on hormones (especially after she read the comment I left). I'm telling you right now, I would have been just as bitchy without them. I called her selfish and very self-absorbed if she thought people looked at her and wondered why they were pregnant. Oh, and she used our IF favorite "relax and it happens." M-O-R-O-N. Hey girls with one tube and no egg reserve, just friggen relax! Your tube will grow back and so will your eggs.
Great, I just ruined my acupuncture by getting all worked up again!
July 9, 2010
Awwww, Baby Shower Invite. . .
NOT. Worst day ever in the world of IF. I knew it was all suspicious with the cute envelope and stick-on label addressed to me. August 15th is the date, and I wouldn't go even if this IVF worked. Yup, it's bitchy, but step into our world for a minute.
At showers, all people talk about is babies. Everything is so cute, and a fun reminder of what I can't have. And actually, I think I have it worse than most IF girls! You see, I'm a recreational shopper. So not only can I not buy baby stuff, but I also can't shop for it. So in my opinion, I have a double-whammy. Even if this IVF works, I couldn't stand to go. People often like to brag about how quickly they got pregnant, and this is not a game I like to play. My friend Heather for instance, is incredibly fertile. In fact, everyone always laughs at how she manages to have only holiday babies. Seriously, they time it and it works. What IVF patient wants to listen to that?
Now, all of this is negative (come on, I can't be positive Polly all the time). Okay wait, I did make the shower invite a positive experience, for me. I played "how fast can I buy a frigging baby gift off the registry and get it sent to their stupid house?" Actually I was quite successful at this game: From mailbox to click "purchase," a whole eight minutes. Beat that shit!
At showers, all people talk about is babies. Everything is so cute, and a fun reminder of what I can't have. And actually, I think I have it worse than most IF girls! You see, I'm a recreational shopper. So not only can I not buy baby stuff, but I also can't shop for it. So in my opinion, I have a double-whammy. Even if this IVF works, I couldn't stand to go. People often like to brag about how quickly they got pregnant, and this is not a game I like to play. My friend Heather for instance, is incredibly fertile. In fact, everyone always laughs at how she manages to have only holiday babies. Seriously, they time it and it works. What IVF patient wants to listen to that?
Now, all of this is negative (come on, I can't be positive Polly all the time). Okay wait, I did make the shower invite a positive experience, for me. I played "how fast can I buy a frigging baby gift off the registry and get it sent to their stupid house?" Actually I was quite successful at this game: From mailbox to click "purchase," a whole eight minutes. Beat that shit!
July 8, 2010
Celebrity Run-In
This morning I went in for ultrasound and blood work. For IVF, you go every third day (or I do). When I pulled into the parking lot, there were cars all over the place. The place was packed. Something was going on for sure. When I signed in, there were about 6 couples in the lobby. Mind you, it was 7am. I wondered what they were in for? Some blood work and monitoring like me? Beta results? Pregnancy tests? I played "Who is in for What" while I waited for my appointment. A few minutes later, the ultrasound tech came and I got me. She's super cute and always very nice. She's about my age, so we chat as she measures my follies. I mention to her that it's so crowded. I already know how popular this place is, but I've never seen it like this. She began to tell me how they "batch" patients (which I knew thanks to my need to read every IF book out there). In big offices they cycle people at the same time. So, we all take birth control pills and those going through IVF start injections at the same time. Then, Dr. Miller (my RE) can just crank out the procedures. She goes on and on about how he is a maniac and just loves what he does. She says he rarely takes a day off. I already loved Dr. Miller. I've only seen him once in about 15 appointments, but I liked him. At our first consultation, he walked into the office and said, "Well, aren't you two good looking? We HAVE to get you a baby. You'll have great looking kids." That was it for me and Mr. Later Than Most. A guy with a sense of humor is an absolute score in our book. Sad as it is, I don't get to see Dr. Miller anymore. The IVF nurse is in charge of me until my procedure. She passes my info to Dr. Miller and he tells her what to have me do. That's how they roll in busy offices, but I'm good with that.
As the ultrasound tech finishes her job, I get dressed and head out into the hall for blood work. When I sit down and pull my sleeve up, I look down the hall and notice a tiny crowd. As I look closer I notice it's him. . . Dr. Miller! It was like a celebrity experience! He was all dressed in scrubs and just finished a IVF procedure. He was chit-chatting with staff while he waited for the next procedure. I instantly wanted to run up to him and tell him how well I was doing! Kinda like a "remember me? You said I'll have a cute baby! Luckily, I imagined the IVF nurses taking me down like the way football players protect their quarterback, and that imagery kept me from running to see him. After my bloodwork was finished, I quietly walked toward the door and watched Dr. Miller tell jokes to his staff. I got into my car and waved at the building as I went by. "See you next week Dr. Miller!" I whispered.
Dr. Miller was the highlight of my day. I'll blame my paparazzi like thoughts on the meds. They must also be the reason I paid at the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru this morning and then drove off without my order.
http://www.charlesemillermd.org/
As the ultrasound tech finishes her job, I get dressed and head out into the hall for blood work. When I sit down and pull my sleeve up, I look down the hall and notice a tiny crowd. As I look closer I notice it's him. . . Dr. Miller! It was like a celebrity experience! He was all dressed in scrubs and just finished a IVF procedure. He was chit-chatting with staff while he waited for the next procedure. I instantly wanted to run up to him and tell him how well I was doing! Kinda like a "remember me? You said I'll have a cute baby! Luckily, I imagined the IVF nurses taking me down like the way football players protect their quarterback, and that imagery kept me from running to see him. After my bloodwork was finished, I quietly walked toward the door and watched Dr. Miller tell jokes to his staff. I got into my car and waved at the building as I went by. "See you next week Dr. Miller!" I whispered.
Dr. Miller was the highlight of my day. I'll blame my paparazzi like thoughts on the meds. They must also be the reason I paid at the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru this morning and then drove off without my order.
http://www.charlesemillermd.org/
Day 7 Fertility Report
Follies- About 10 dominant. Largest is 14mm
Lining- All she said was "huge"
Estradiol- Caught up and normal! 862!
Next appointment on Saturday!
Lining- All she said was "huge"
Estradiol- Caught up and normal! 862!
Next appointment on Saturday!
July 7, 2010
Phone Calls, Phone Calls!
Warning: This will be confusing, but you'll get the point.
As previously mentioned, my Follistim injection was increased after my last baseline. My Estradiol was 216, which is a little lower than they wanted. So, now I will take 200iu of Follistim as opposed to 150iu per day. Anyone going through IVF knows that the cardinal rule of the RE is you must be responsible for your own meds. It is an IVF no-no to run out of meds, so your ass better pay attention to what's left. Oh, and you'll need at least a high school education to calculate what you have used, what you may need, and how many refills are left. So, yesterday I realized that I should probably call my IVF nurse and tell her that she needs to call in a refill on the Follistim. Oh, I need to talk about IVF nurses one day too! But this story first. So, all I need is a little more Follistim. Here's how it goes down:
The IVF nurse needs to call my insurance. This is the fertility division and it has a separate name. So, I have BCBS HMO and Wynn takes care of fertility. I wait for Wynn to call and confirm. Well, today I still have no call and no call from Walgreens. Walgreens does the shipping and co-pays. So, this morning I call Walgreens. They said they don't have it and neither does Wynn. Okay, no problem. The IVF nurse is probably busy, I'll give her until 10am to call it in. Mind you, this was to be done yesterday. 10am, no call. I call the RE and leave a message for the IVF nurse.
One hour later, Wynn calls. No problem, they'll get the new Follistim refilled. They only want to give me four days worth though. They are obviously real conservative as this is like liquid gold to IF patients, but hello? I'll be calling again in a four days if my body is not ready for retrieval. Oh well, I figure I'll just take the four days. So she tells me to wait for Walgreens to call and confirm delivery. So, I wait and wait. No call. I call them. Walgreens tells me that the doctors office didn't fill something out right. Great! So, I call them. Now the IVF nurse realizes her mistake. Something about writing the wrong iu's (see math is very important!). Okay, now Walgreens calls me back to schedule a delivery that I won't be home for! Sweet! I ask her what I should do if I won't be home. She tells me I need to send it to someone else I know. So, now I let the injectable hormones take over. I tell her, "Um, what do you do if you have no one?" Yea, I have family I tell her. Geez, do I have to explain to her that we aren't telling family so they aren't let down? Or we don't want to answer 45,000 questions everyday? Anywho, now they will be shipped to FedEx and I will pick it up there. When Walgreen's and I hang up, Wynn calls to see if Walgreens called. The cherry on top was when the IVF Nurse called to see if Wynn called. So, from 8am to 5pm (and nine calls later), I earned mys
elf one cartridge of 900iu of Follistim. That shit better work!
That reminds me, time to shoot-up.
As previously mentioned, my Follistim injection was increased after my last baseline. My Estradiol was 216, which is a little lower than they wanted. So, now I will take 200iu of Follistim as opposed to 150iu per day. Anyone going through IVF knows that the cardinal rule of the RE is you must be responsible for your own meds. It is an IVF no-no to run out of meds, so your ass better pay attention to what's left. Oh, and you'll need at least a high school education to calculate what you have used, what you may need, and how many refills are left. So, yesterday I realized that I should probably call my IVF nurse and tell her that she needs to call in a refill on the Follistim. Oh, I need to talk about IVF nurses one day too! But this story first. So, all I need is a little more Follistim. Here's how it goes down:
The IVF nurse needs to call my insurance. This is the fertility division and it has a separate name. So, I have BCBS HMO and Wynn takes care of fertility. I wait for Wynn to call and confirm. Well, today I still have no call and no call from Walgreens. Walgreens does the shipping and co-pays. So, this morning I call Walgreens. They said they don't have it and neither does Wynn. Okay, no problem. The IVF nurse is probably busy, I'll give her until 10am to call it in. Mind you, this was to be done yesterday. 10am, no call. I call the RE and leave a message for the IVF nurse.
One hour later, Wynn calls. No problem, they'll get the new Follistim refilled. They only want to give me four days worth though. They are obviously real conservative as this is like liquid gold to IF patients, but hello? I'll be calling again in a four days if my body is not ready for retrieval. Oh well, I figure I'll just take the four days. So she tells me to wait for Walgreens to call and confirm delivery. So, I wait and wait. No call. I call them. Walgreens tells me that the doctors office didn't fill something out right. Great! So, I call them. Now the IVF nurse realizes her mistake. Something about writing the wrong iu's (see math is very important!). Okay, now Walgreens calls me back to schedule a delivery that I won't be home for! Sweet! I ask her what I should do if I won't be home. She tells me I need to send it to someone else I know. So, now I let the injectable hormones take over. I tell her, "Um, what do you do if you have no one?" Yea, I have family I tell her. Geez, do I have to explain to her that we aren't telling family so they aren't let down? Or we don't want to answer 45,000 questions everyday? Anywho, now they will be shipped to FedEx and I will pick it up there. When Walgreen's and I hang up, Wynn calls to see if Walgreens called. The cherry on top was when the IVF Nurse called to see if Wynn called. So, from 8am to 5pm (and nine calls later), I earned mys
elf one cartridge of 900iu of Follistim. That shit better work!That reminds me, time to shoot-up.
July 6, 2010
There You Are, Hormones!
I was actually getting worried that these injections were having no effect on me. I mean, I know I go to get the ute cam and they tell me how many follies I have, but seriously, I was feeling nothing! Enter today. . . I noticed some real up and down emotions coming along. I think Mr. Later Than Most could stick his tongue out at me and I would probably cry. Luckily, I've learned to count by 10's during movies, commercials, and other things that make me sad. Counting by 10's is not only great for my students, but also a great emotion distraction.
Now, these dreams have to be part of the side effects. Last night I had a dream that Mr. Later Than Most met a new girl, divorced me, and then never talked to me again. Boy was I pissed at him when I woke up. Also, I remember some random dream the other day about swimming in some big, dangerous water park. I mean seriously, a water park?
My favorite part of hormones is the hot flashes. They were much worse when I was on 10iu of Lupron. Now that I'm on 5, they don't come as often. Nothing like going through a fake change-of-life.
Last night I really did myself in. Right before my night stims I put an icepack on my stomach. It worked like a charm the night before. Well, I left it on too long (about 5 minutes) and literally burned my stomach. Let's put it this way. . . the top layer of skin was as hard as a rock. I actually thought a layer of ice pack was stuck to my skin. I think Mr. Later Than Most was really pissed at me. He thought I had frost burn. Funny as it sounds, I still have a huge, red icepack outline 24 hours later. So, not only did I not get to use my icepack today, but I had to put that damn needle through the burn. Oh, and my stomach looks like a dartboard. Good times! Today when I went to acupuncture, I was really wanting to hug all of those little needles he puts in. They are nothing compared to this nightly fun. You know, if I count it all, I've had 20 needles just today. . . of course that includes the acupuncture.
I gotta say, going through all of this is really manageable. I try as much as possible to stay as positive as I can. Each day, is another day. I'm very grateful for all of my IF friends who keep me going!
Now, these dreams have to be part of the side effects. Last night I had a dream that Mr. Later Than Most met a new girl, divorced me, and then never talked to me again. Boy was I pissed at him when I woke up. Also, I remember some random dream the other day about swimming in some big, dangerous water park. I mean seriously, a water park?
My favorite part of hormones is the hot flashes. They were much worse when I was on 10iu of Lupron. Now that I'm on 5, they don't come as often. Nothing like going through a fake change-of-life.
Last night I really did myself in. Right before my night stims I put an icepack on my stomach. It worked like a charm the night before. Well, I left it on too long (about 5 minutes) and literally burned my stomach. Let's put it this way. . . the top layer of skin was as hard as a rock. I actually thought a layer of ice pack was stuck to my skin. I think Mr. Later Than Most was really pissed at me. He thought I had frost burn. Funny as it sounds, I still have a huge, red icepack outline 24 hours later. So, not only did I not get to use my icepack today, but I had to put that damn needle through the burn. Oh, and my stomach looks like a dartboard. Good times! Today when I went to acupuncture, I was really wanting to hug all of those little needles he puts in. They are nothing compared to this nightly fun. You know, if I count it all, I've had 20 needles just today. . . of course that includes the acupuncture.
I gotta say, going through all of this is really manageable. I try as much as possible to stay as positive as I can. Each day, is another day. I'm very grateful for all of my IF friends who keep me going!
July 5, 2010
Baby Bump but No Baby
Fertility drugs are good for giving you extreme bloat. Luckily, I'm a recreational shopper and I'm prepared for this baby injection bump. I bought one of those maternity bands on Ebay a couple of weeks ago. I had read that some girls ordered them for IVF for when they were bloated from meds. Also, the RE outright told me that a 5lb weight gain is rather normal. So, here I am with a Follstim/Menopur baby bump and practically rigging maternity jeans with an empty ute.
In addition to a bloat bump, I've been analyzing every symptom to see if it's a side effect. This reminds me of my good 'ole two week wait times. I would think every feeling and twinge was a symptom of pregnancy. Now I'm analyzing symptoms for OHSS. So far, only the mini bloat seems to be a symptom.
Well, I'm 15 short minutes from tonight's stims. I have a bruise from last night's, so I'm hoping this one works a little better. I think I was too rough with the needle! I'm very excited for my next appointment on Thursday. They should have a clearer picture of when my retrieval will be. . . next week!
Day 4 Fertility Report
Estradiol: 216: A little low so I will switch from 150iu of Follstim to 200iu and continue with 2 vials Menopur
Lining: 6.3mm
Follies: 18
Lining: 6.3mm
Follies: 18
July 4, 2010
Back from Smuggling
Well, on Friday we arrived in "Farmville" which is were we gather for Mr. Later Than Mosts family functions. I'm a city girl, so this place is really out there. I've been going for years so by now I'm used to it. Although, I must point out that they didn't have water the first 4 years I went there. Yes, an outhouse was in order. So DH and I smuggled all the meds down there without anyone knowing. I'm glad we didn't say anything to people, because this was a good weekend to forget about TTC as much as possible, well, until the needles came out. Before we left, I waited and waited for my RE's office to leave my message for me. Big offices give you a voicemail box. Then, you call into it on days you had BW and ultrasound. So, the call-in hours are from 2-4pm. Well, what time do you think my message was left? Try 3:55pm. Not that I was waiting. Anyway- I couldn't get all the meds packed for the weekend until the RE left my message on my amounts. So Mr. Later Than Most came home from work to a kitchen table full of meds. Talk about confusing! We were all, "Wait, this needle goes here and that cap goes here." And then there was some of, "So wait. This vial has 2ml so that's two days worth? No one! Wait, no two!" We sat there for like 10 minutes just staring at everything. Finally, we got it all packed and put the Follstim in a little cooler. When we got to bufu, I put the Follstim in the back of the fridge and the rest in my suitcase. We got there on Thursday night. Friday night comes around fast. So far we had hidden a Mr. and Mrs. dose of antibiotics and my prenatals and aspirin. I swear, I feel like a walking pharmacy. So at 8:00, we both sneak in the bathroom and lay everything for injections. The rest of the family was hanging outside around the fire, so this was easy to do. It took us about 10 minutes to get it all done. Our nurse taught us how to combine medications to make one less injection, so there is a lot of needle switching and powder diluting. Finally, we get it all done and Mr. Later Than Most is ready to inject me. You know, when we went to injects class I thought this was a great idea, having the husband shoot-up the wife. Um, no. That shit hurts more when he does it! LOL Not because he doesn't do it right, but because you are just sitting there waiting. I decided to do it myself. So, that nice 27 gauge needle stung. It's not easy to hold the one inch need in you and inject 3 ml of liquids in. When I pulled it out, I complained a lot. This worked well, because I got all kinds of props from MH. It made me feel better. :) So Saturday night we continued the smuggling. We snuck into the bathroom and this time, right when I was about to shoot myself, I started crying! OMG! I remembered how that bastard stung the night before. Luckily, Mr. Later Than Most was like, "Someday you can tell our kids what you had to go through to get them." That made me laugh and so it didn't hurt so bad. I had to leave the family festivities a day early because I have my Day 4 blood work and ultrasound on Monday. Tonight I got all of the meds and needles lined up in the bathroom. I had a great idea and put an icepack on my stomach while I mixed all of those meds. Let me just say, by the time I screwed the final needle on the plunger thingie, my stomach was too numb to feel the alcohol swab! I shoved that needle in no problem. It didn't help me push that liquid in any faster though. Oh well! As far as I can tell, I don't have any side effects 3 days in. I think I may be a little shorter tempered with Mr. Later Than Most, because I notice he keeps saying I'm grouchy. Tomorrow I'll have some levels to report!
July 1, 2010
Fertility Report: Day One Baseline
Baseline results for Thursday, July 1st:
Estrogen level: 22
LH: 4.0
Progesterone: 1.2
Follies: 18 (yes!)
In short, all is normal!
Estrogen level: 22
LH: 4.0
Progesterone: 1.2
Follies: 18 (yes!)
In short, all is normal!
DH Didn't Go For It
This weekend is a family weekend for sure. We are driving four hours to hang out with Mr. Later Than Most's family. He'll have at least four family members staying where we are staying, and more family in and out. So of course, I'm starting to stim tomorrow. Our families don't have any info on our IVF or TTC, so we're kinda hiding everything. I really don't suggest that, but it's just the way we are doing things.
So today I emailed MH and asked him what he thought about telling his mom. I told him I would feel a little more comfortable if they knew, as we will be smuggling drugs into the house and fridge. Well, he didn't go for it. He said there would be no point in telling them if it "doesn't work." Hmmmmm, I'm rather sure if this was the other way around and he was stimming, he would probably understand better. That's what is hard about all of this IF stuff. Us girls have to do a lot more than the guys, therefore they are no as vested. I'm not saying MH is not vested, he is. He always asks me how the injections went and is ready to mix stims and shoot me up, however, it's still not the same as going through it yourself.
Needless to say, the weekend should be interesting. We travel to a rural area, so Internet, blogs, and my social networking sites are out of the picture. I'm praying that my hormone injections do not get the best of my mood this weekend.
On the IVF front, I went in for my baseline BW and ultrasound today. I gotta say, I've had internal ultrasounds 3 times and I'm just not a fan. It's a little uncomfortable! The bloodwork I don't mind. My RE's office is huge, so I have a voicemail box at the office. I am to call-in to my messages after 2pm and instructions will be left. They'll tell me how many units and when to start stimming (which should be tomorrow). Also, they'll tell me when to book my next appointment. In addition, on Day 1 of stims I'll add antibiotics and baby aspirin to the mix. If you are keeping track of the meds, that makes 5 pills a day and 2 injections. If MH can't get the injections mixed right, then three injections. Let's pray he knows what he's doing!
Happy 4th!
So today I emailed MH and asked him what he thought about telling his mom. I told him I would feel a little more comfortable if they knew, as we will be smuggling drugs into the house and fridge. Well, he didn't go for it. He said there would be no point in telling them if it "doesn't work." Hmmmmm, I'm rather sure if this was the other way around and he was stimming, he would probably understand better. That's what is hard about all of this IF stuff. Us girls have to do a lot more than the guys, therefore they are no as vested. I'm not saying MH is not vested, he is. He always asks me how the injections went and is ready to mix stims and shoot me up, however, it's still not the same as going through it yourself.
Needless to say, the weekend should be interesting. We travel to a rural area, so Internet, blogs, and my social networking sites are out of the picture. I'm praying that my hormone injections do not get the best of my mood this weekend.
On the IVF front, I went in for my baseline BW and ultrasound today. I gotta say, I've had internal ultrasounds 3 times and I'm just not a fan. It's a little uncomfortable! The bloodwork I don't mind. My RE's office is huge, so I have a voicemail box at the office. I am to call-in to my messages after 2pm and instructions will be left. They'll tell me how many units and when to start stimming (which should be tomorrow). Also, they'll tell me when to book my next appointment. In addition, on Day 1 of stims I'll add antibiotics and baby aspirin to the mix. If you are keeping track of the meds, that makes 5 pills a day and 2 injections. If MH can't get the injections mixed right, then three injections. Let's pray he knows what he's doing!
Happy 4th!
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