November 11, 2013

Why Oh Why? Ultrasound Rant

So tomorrow was the day that the nurse suggested I have an ultrasound. What did I do? I told her I wanted to come in later because 5w5d is really on the cusp of seeing a heartbeat and that would make me worry. She was kind enough to let me do what I want, hence my appointment this Thursday at 6w0d.

WTF did I do that? Technically the heartbeat can start up until the middle of 6 weeks. If I would have went tomorrow, I would have known it was way too early to see one. Now I'm in a worse position and I'll be even more worried if I don't see one. Seriously, wtf is wrong with me?

This is the infertility devil at it's finest, people. One minute I'm reading posts on a July 2014 birth month board and the next minute I'm crazy analyzing something I cannot change. GAH!!!!!!!

Ok, one more detail to tell you how nuts I am. Luckily I don't know most of you in real life so you can judge me and not have to be friends with me. Here goes. . . I "think" I have morning sickness. Yes, I THINK. I know, I know. How in the world does a person "think" they have morning sickness? Isn't it obvious? Don't you just go and vom? Well, my infertility devil is so STRONG, that when I spent the morning gagging, I thought that it was all in my head and I wasn't really gagging. I was just really wanting to gag since morning sickness would be a good sign. So here I am at 10:00pm wondering if I had real morning sickness this morning or fake morning sickness.

I think we can all agree that there is certainly a sickness here, huh?

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