I'm Trying to Be Good

There are just lists and lists of things you can do to "improve" your chances for IVF. I'm doing yoga, eating more protein, getting massages and acupuncture. Now mind you, there are even more things you can do to improve your chances when just plain old TTC the regular way. I did those friggen things but they didn't allow me to see those two pink lines. It's actually kinda funny because I did all of these things, but none of them are for MFI. Ha, if we only knew! So, here are SOME of those things:

1. Temped and charted: Yes, waking up every morning and shoving a thermometer in my mouth. It lets you know if you're ovulating and can confirm ovulation. It's actually great if you love to torment yourself. Each day you can analyze and analyze your temp. Did I ovulate? Is that a rise? OMG- my temp is one tenth higher on 7dpo than it was the past 5 months at 7dpo! I wonder if it's a sign? I was even taking some night temps just to analyze more. Hahahahaha

2. Fertilitea: Yum! Tea is good for you, so why not let it get you pregnant? Sounds too good to be true? Well, it is. But hey, the tea is cheap compared to other fertility tricks, and I got some good CM for a while there! Oh, and the picture on the front is this lady walking through a meadow holding her maybe baby. How promising is that?

3. Lots of over-the-counter helpers: Mucinex, Robitussin, Geritol, FertilityBlend, Evening Primrose Oil: Don't worry, I didn't take them all at the same time. Ha! You were thinking "No wonder she can't get pregnant! She O'ded her eggs!

4. OPKs: Known as peeing on your paycheck. Actually, I do like them. You start off buying the Internet cheapies. After no BFP you move onto digital hoping they are more accurate. Then you really pee on your check when you buy the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor. Now don't get me wrong, this is an awesome device, but it doesn't help MFI. I liked it a lot because my O day is never the same. Although, I would have liked a nice shiny Coach wallet even more for that money.

5. Instead Cups: Yea, they can help! The poor TTCers kinda IUI at home. Just get it on and insert the cup. It's actually really easy, but it's probably the reason I have a mycroplasma infection. No worries, they just throw a ton of anibiotics in to the list of drugs to take during the IVF cycle. What's two more pills each day? At least I'm not injecting them.

6. PreSeed: Oh, girls swear by this stuff and I actually like it too. It helps the swimmers have a nice smooth journey. Well. . . unless your swimmers have three heads and two tails because of morphology issues. Then PreSeed just helps them spin in circles faster while your 32 year old egg is just waiting for its moment to finally shine.

7. Timing Differences: These were always fun. First, sex twice a day. Then after a month, every day but once a day. Then after a few months, every other day. Then, after we found our MFI, once every two days. Oh screw that. I get to let the doctor do it for me. And don't think I won't wear a "My Doctor Knocked Me Up" shirt to my someday baby shower. It will go great with the photos of all my iIVF drugs and one of MH injecting me in the stomach with Lupron. Oh, and we'll of course play those infertility games Christina made-up months ago. My fav was pin the two-headed sperm onto the egg. I want to make the game more authentic though: the guests will be spun around in the parking lot and they'll have to find their way back into the baby shower while traveling on only one leg. Yup, that's what our MFI swimmers do!

8. Cut out caffeine: Now really, all this did was save me some money because I couldn't go to Starbucks. I just dropped that cash back on the CBEFM sticks.

There are more things, but really, now I'm just embarrassing myself. If someone who has never TTC reads this blog, they'll think I'm a total psycho. Oh, just you wait innocent blog reader. . . just you wait!

These MFI comments kinda make me seem insensitive to our situation, but I'm really not. You have to deal with what you have. I wish our IF was my issue, then I wouldn't have to worry about him feeling like things are his fault. I wouldn't trade my husband in for a guy with 270 million sperm with 100% morphology. Okay wait. Maybe if he were Ryan Phillipe, but he's the only one I might trade MH for. Ahhh, Mr. Later Than Most would not be surprised by that statement. It's okay, he teases me about his girlfriend. . . Kathryn McPhee.