June 21, 2010

The Baby BiPolar Way of Thinking

The first three months of trying to conceive you are such a newbie. You expect that BFP from the very first month. After your first negative, you think "Duh, it's not going to happen the first month!" You smile and get back on the timed intercourse train. Month two, you do the "Duh" thing again. After month three, it all changes. My TWW BFF Heather and I call this Baby BiPolar.

With Baby BiPolar, you begin to convince yourself that you don't really care anymore. You take on the, "whatever happens, happens" way of thinking. This normally occurs from CD 2-8. Around CD 8 you begin to get excited again. You want that baby and nothing is going to stop you. You bust out your Internet ovulation sticks, your Dollar Tree sticks, your Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (that costs the same as a Coach wallet) and you even swear to temp each morning. This is a typical case of BBP (Baby BiPolar). Then, after ovulation, you go back to not caring again. Here comes the "whatever happens, happens" thinking. You are enjoying your wine, beer, and sushi (drink till the line is pink!). Finally, after your two week wait is over, you may test. For those with IF, it's a BFN of course! Now, CD1 you cry your eyes out. You hold that pregnancy test onto a light bulb just dying to see what a friggen second line would look like. Guess what? There is nothing there. Now you cry your eyes out (thanks BBP!). You know you'll never be a mother. And damn that adoption paperwork for being so long or you would start filling it out. You try to tell your husband that it didn't work, again. Sometimes, you don't even tell him and you just give him your next ovulation date. Around CD 2, the BBP kicks in all over again.

There are many other types of BBP. One less severe kind is where you wake up late one morning and think, "Man I love sleeping in. I can't do this with a baby." Then you run to the bathroom and POAS. Another more severe case of BBP, is where you don't even have the "baby dance" anymore. This is an effort to avoid that BFN totally. You just skip the sex and know that you don't have to wonder if you'll get your BFP, because unless it's immaculate conception, it's not going to happen.

Yup, Baby BiPolar. Another fun effect of trying for that little one just way too long.

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