Being a mom to Brooklyn is more than I ever thought it would be. The unconditional love is overwhelming. I hate cliches and such, but truly, being a mom changes you.
I read something online a few weeks ago, it may have been on FaceBook. It was this quote about a mom and her daughter (adult age) had told her she was pregnant. Her daughter was glowing and excited, but the mom felt sad. She was sad because she knew what her daughter would go through. Being a mother makes you vulnerable, worried and exposed. You worry every day. Either way, the mother did not want her daughter to feel all of that. So, while she was happy that her daughter was pregnant, she was sad as well. It sounds weird, but totally makes sense.
My first Mother's day I held a one month old in my arms. Boy, was I a novice! I remember wanting her in a cute outfit for my first Mother's Day. A day that I didn't even shower, because I wanted a nap instead. Last year Brooklyn was more interactive on Mother's day, but didn't understand the concept. It was fun to play with her all day and enjoy her company. This year, Brooklyn thought Mother's day was a party! She must have said it nine times. She and Mr. LTM went out to buy flowers and Starbucks. All day she asked me how my day was. It was amazing.
Today Brooklyn told me that I was cute and that I was her "sweetie." We read this book called "We Belong Together" and inside there are pictures of things that go together: bacon and eggs, pencil and paper, fork and spoon, hot chocolate and marshmallows, peanut butter and jelly. When we read the book she points to the pictures of things that go together and says, "That's you mommy, and this is Brookie. We love eachother." Then, when she went bed tonight she said, "Good night, peanut butter." OMG! Melt. My. Heart. Seriously. As a teacher, you'd think that once in a while I might think that I was put on this Earth to teach kids and make a difference. But sometimes I think I was put on this Earth just to be her mother. Thank you IVF, for making this part of my life possible.
LOVE HER.
May 13, 2013
May 7, 2013
Toddlers are like Teens
I don't have a teen, but I coached middle school cheerleading for two years. Need I say more?
Each day Brooklyn is a little like those 12 teen-aged cheerleaders I had. First, she kinda talks back. Today Mr. LTM asked her to give him a hug. Her response was, "No thanks, I'm busy." Yes, it's cute right? But she wasn't sitting in her little Pottery Barn chair coloring like they do in the catalog. She was pulling on the baby monitor cord and attaching it to her My Little Pony as a leash.
She likes to hurt our feelings. . . on purpose. The other day I told her how much I loved her. Brooklyn's response was, "Mom, you are not my friend." Seriously! Just as I was sitting back and reflecting on how tiny she used to be. How I held her in my arms and rocked her bitty self to sleep. How I shot myself in the stomach for 8 days to go through IVF and she claims I'm not her friend.
She's hormonal. One minute she says, "Mommy, here is your good listener!!!!" And the next moment it's "No. NO! NO! I will not eat that strawberry because it's too HOT." Yes, her strawberries are hot, her bread has too many holes and her chicken nuggets are old. Where does she come up with this stuff?
Her toddler years must be a glimpse of the future. I know someday she's going to tell me she hates me (all teens do), but either way, she's my little baby, and I will continue to tell her that each day!!!
Each day Brooklyn is a little like those 12 teen-aged cheerleaders I had. First, she kinda talks back. Today Mr. LTM asked her to give him a hug. Her response was, "No thanks, I'm busy." Yes, it's cute right? But she wasn't sitting in her little Pottery Barn chair coloring like they do in the catalog. She was pulling on the baby monitor cord and attaching it to her My Little Pony as a leash.
She likes to hurt our feelings. . . on purpose. The other day I told her how much I loved her. Brooklyn's response was, "Mom, you are not my friend." Seriously! Just as I was sitting back and reflecting on how tiny she used to be. How I held her in my arms and rocked her bitty self to sleep. How I shot myself in the stomach for 8 days to go through IVF and she claims I'm not her friend.
She's hormonal. One minute she says, "Mommy, here is your good listener!!!!" And the next moment it's "No. NO! NO! I will not eat that strawberry because it's too HOT." Yes, her strawberries are hot, her bread has too many holes and her chicken nuggets are old. Where does she come up with this stuff?
Her toddler years must be a glimpse of the future. I know someday she's going to tell me she hates me (all teens do), but either way, she's my little baby, and I will continue to tell her that each day!!!
April 22, 2013
Stop Being an A-Hole
It's National Infertility Week. Infertility affects 1 in 8. I am one in 8.
If you have followed my blog, not only are you a Saint, but you know that I'm in the infertility closet. That means that almost no one knows of our struggle and not one single family member. This is why my blog was created. . . I needed an outlet and this is it.
Ok so my point. . . I don't want you to be an a-hole. If I explicitly tell you how to avoid being one, then perhaps you will try with all of your inner strength to not be an a-hole. Wonder if you are one?
Have you ever told someone to drink and they will get pregnant? You are an a-hole.
Did you ever tell someone they could get pregnant if she put her legs in the air for 45 minutes? You are an a-hole.
Did your lips spew these words. . . "Relax and it will happen!" Giant a-hole.
How about, "You can always adopt." Big fat, fricken a-hole.
I'm really not being funny and you may even be insulted by what I wrote. If so, fine. And if you struggled with infertility, I know you have my back. You literally banged your wine glass to your iPhone screen in a "cheers sister" fashion when reading my tips.
Try not to be an a-hole. Your comments hurt. They really truly hurt. Guess what? They hurt even when us Infertility Jerks (read prior post) already have kids. Yup, I have a TWO year old. A two year old and when someone asks me if I drank, the answer is yes. Yes. I drank so much that I'm lucky Mr. Later Than Most didn't commit me :) Yes we thought about adopting. It scared us to death to think that someone could possibly take our child away. And for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PLENTY. I did a shit ton of relaxing. I relaxed with a pillow up my shirt, envisioning that I was pregnant and getting a massage. How much more relaxed can I be than that shit?
Please don't be an a-hole. And if you are an infertility sister and you make these comments, we just call you a bitch behind your back :)
Namaste.
If you have followed my blog, not only are you a Saint, but you know that I'm in the infertility closet. That means that almost no one knows of our struggle and not one single family member. This is why my blog was created. . . I needed an outlet and this is it.
Ok so my point. . . I don't want you to be an a-hole. If I explicitly tell you how to avoid being one, then perhaps you will try with all of your inner strength to not be an a-hole. Wonder if you are one?
Have you ever told someone to drink and they will get pregnant? You are an a-hole.
Did you ever tell someone they could get pregnant if she put her legs in the air for 45 minutes? You are an a-hole.
Did your lips spew these words. . . "Relax and it will happen!" Giant a-hole.
How about, "You can always adopt." Big fat, fricken a-hole.
I'm really not being funny and you may even be insulted by what I wrote. If so, fine. And if you struggled with infertility, I know you have my back. You literally banged your wine glass to your iPhone screen in a "cheers sister" fashion when reading my tips.
Try not to be an a-hole. Your comments hurt. They really truly hurt. Guess what? They hurt even when us Infertility Jerks (read prior post) already have kids. Yup, I have a TWO year old. A two year old and when someone asks me if I drank, the answer is yes. Yes. I drank so much that I'm lucky Mr. Later Than Most didn't commit me :) Yes we thought about adopting. It scared us to death to think that someone could possibly take our child away. And for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PLENTY. I did a shit ton of relaxing. I relaxed with a pillow up my shirt, envisioning that I was pregnant and getting a massage. How much more relaxed can I be than that shit?
Please don't be an a-hole. And if you are an infertility sister and you make these comments, we just call you a bitch behind your back :)
Namaste.
April 20, 2013
SuperWhy!
The big second birthday party was last weekend and boy, I'm still trying to get my energy back. I blame Pintrest for all the fab ideas that I HAD to make.
Brooklyn's favorite show is SuperWHY! Which is on Sprout. She doesn't watch much TV but she has liked this show for a very long time. Naturally, I had to go and make everything to match this awesome show. We bought items and made decorations for weeks. One of my favorite days was when Brooklyn and I were putting M&Ms in little containers for her friends. She turned to Mr. LTM and says, "Daddy! Look what I'm making for all of my friends!" She was so proud of herself!
We had the party at the local children's museum. At $9.00 a person I probably shouldn't have invited 43 people, but I didn't think they would all come. I was right, only 40 came!!! I never showed by husband the receipt for that party!
Brooklyn had a great time! She loved seeing all of her little friends and ate way too many treats. I normally don't allow her to have sweets, but that day she had cake, cookies and Alpha-Bits bars. Don't worry, I served fruit too! OK, whatevs. . . here are some pics!
Brooklyn's favorite show is SuperWHY! Which is on Sprout. She doesn't watch much TV but she has liked this show for a very long time. Naturally, I had to go and make everything to match this awesome show. We bought items and made decorations for weeks. One of my favorite days was when Brooklyn and I were putting M&Ms in little containers for her friends. She turned to Mr. LTM and says, "Daddy! Look what I'm making for all of my friends!" She was so proud of herself!
We had the party at the local children's museum. At $9.00 a person I probably shouldn't have invited 43 people, but I didn't think they would all come. I was right, only 40 came!!! I never showed by husband the receipt for that party!
Brooklyn had a great time! She loved seeing all of her little friends and ate way too many treats. I normally don't allow her to have sweets, but that day she had cake, cookies and Alpha-Bits bars. Don't worry, I served fruit too! OK, whatevs. . . here are some pics!
April 9, 2013
She's Two!
Wow! My life is going by so incredibly fast. According to that ticker up there (which I now need to update!) my little blessing is two years old! I cannot believe how fast the time goes by. I remember every single mother telling me to enjoy those baby moments while you can, because they grow up so fast. Cliche but true.
Two years and my infertility past is still at the front of my mind. Each day I'm so thankful for modern science and that it has allowed me to become a mommy. Life has truly treated me well. Did you know that I'm friends with Brooklyn's embryologist on FaceBook? How is that for irony? We had the same birthday so we hit it off at my retrieval... right before they drugged me and knocked me out. :)
When July rolls around each year, I always remember how that's the month I was "shootin up" my IVF drugs. August reminds me that I found out my IVF worked. Christmas reminds me that I finally, finally had a 25 week pregnant bump to sport. February reminds me that I once had a baby shower that I waited for, for a very long time. And finally, April. The birth of Miss B! Long and agonizing, but worth every minute.
Brooklyn amazes us every day. She is so sweet! A few weeks ago she randomly started saying, "Momma, I love you very, very much!" OH. MY. GOD. Bless her little heart. Yesterday was her second birthday. I watched her blow out her "2" candle and it brought tears to my eyes. She was so excited to have everyone singing to her. Watching her little face reminds me that she is not a baby any more.
I'm not sure what's on the horizon for Mr. LTM and I. I would like to look into a frozen embryo transfer and try for one more child. Mr. LTM is still scarred from IVF and the rough delivery that his niece went through. I feel like I need one more child or I will literally smother Miss B! Either way, I just turned 35 and feel like I need to get an idea of where life is heading for me, Mr. LTM, and our wonderful, awesome, beautiful Miss B.
Two years and my infertility past is still at the front of my mind. Each day I'm so thankful for modern science and that it has allowed me to become a mommy. Life has truly treated me well. Did you know that I'm friends with Brooklyn's embryologist on FaceBook? How is that for irony? We had the same birthday so we hit it off at my retrieval... right before they drugged me and knocked me out. :)
When July rolls around each year, I always remember how that's the month I was "shootin up" my IVF drugs. August reminds me that I found out my IVF worked. Christmas reminds me that I finally, finally had a 25 week pregnant bump to sport. February reminds me that I once had a baby shower that I waited for, for a very long time. And finally, April. The birth of Miss B! Long and agonizing, but worth every minute.
Brooklyn amazes us every day. She is so sweet! A few weeks ago she randomly started saying, "Momma, I love you very, very much!" OH. MY. GOD. Bless her little heart. Yesterday was her second birthday. I watched her blow out her "2" candle and it brought tears to my eyes. She was so excited to have everyone singing to her. Watching her little face reminds me that she is not a baby any more.
I'm not sure what's on the horizon for Mr. LTM and I. I would like to look into a frozen embryo transfer and try for one more child. Mr. LTM is still scarred from IVF and the rough delivery that his niece went through. I feel like I need one more child or I will literally smother Miss B! Either way, I just turned 35 and feel like I need to get an idea of where life is heading for me, Mr. LTM, and our wonderful, awesome, beautiful Miss B.
March 15, 2013
Infertility Jerks
Are you infertile? Well, maybe not you but you, "the couple?" For instance, I'm not infertile but dealt with infertility. As a group we just call ourselves infertile. Anywho, are you one of us? If so, are you an infertility jerk?
I am. I'm not proud of it and neither are my infertility jerk sisters. It's not a group we asked to be in. It's not a group we are proud of. It just kinda happens. I actually think there are two levels of infertility jerks... Level One and Level Two. I'm ashamed to be a Level Two, but I don't think I have too much control over it.
Level One infertility jerks are those who belong to the IF group and they have no kids yet. Level One's have a hard time dealing with pregnancies, pregnancy announcements, showers, pregnant people and gender reveal parties. You can understand why though. Others have something they want. Level Ones don't really want to feel this way. Some Level Ones feel bad about their hostility, especially when someone close to them is pregnant. Level Ones have a hard time being happy for others who are pregnant or even trying. Don't judge them, I used to be one and I totally get these girls. Life sucks when you want a baby and don't have one.
Level Twos are the worst. Level Twos had IF issues but have had a successful pregnancy or adoption. We are infertiles who have kids already. And that's the reason we are huge jerks. We have kids, but your pregnancy announcement annoys us. Your constant Facebook updates rub us the wrong way. Yes, we are totally happy for you, but that infertility devil (yup, she's baaaacccck) tells us that you had an easy time getting pregnant, even though we don't really know that.
I hate being a Level Two. I LOVE babies and I want everyone to have them. I'm excited that my friend is having her first kid at 34. I really am excited. But for some unknown reason, the infertility devil bothers me. I hate being a Level Two. Hopefully, you don't think I'm a horrible person :)
Screw you IF devil!
I am. I'm not proud of it and neither are my infertility jerk sisters. It's not a group we asked to be in. It's not a group we are proud of. It just kinda happens. I actually think there are two levels of infertility jerks... Level One and Level Two. I'm ashamed to be a Level Two, but I don't think I have too much control over it.
Level One infertility jerks are those who belong to the IF group and they have no kids yet. Level One's have a hard time dealing with pregnancies, pregnancy announcements, showers, pregnant people and gender reveal parties. You can understand why though. Others have something they want. Level Ones don't really want to feel this way. Some Level Ones feel bad about their hostility, especially when someone close to them is pregnant. Level Ones have a hard time being happy for others who are pregnant or even trying. Don't judge them, I used to be one and I totally get these girls. Life sucks when you want a baby and don't have one.
Level Twos are the worst. Level Twos had IF issues but have had a successful pregnancy or adoption. We are infertiles who have kids already. And that's the reason we are huge jerks. We have kids, but your pregnancy announcement annoys us. Your constant Facebook updates rub us the wrong way. Yes, we are totally happy for you, but that infertility devil (yup, she's baaaacccck) tells us that you had an easy time getting pregnant, even though we don't really know that.
I hate being a Level Two. I LOVE babies and I want everyone to have them. I'm excited that my friend is having her first kid at 34. I really am excited. But for some unknown reason, the infertility devil bothers me. I hate being a Level Two. Hopefully, you don't think I'm a horrible person :)
Screw you IF devil!
March 11, 2013
It's Starting
GAH! That moment I always hated when I was a mommy bachelorette. . . "Soooo, when are you going to have kids?" Total vom. Mind your business people! Lately a lot of my friends are on "number two." Not potty talk here people. Kid number two and so the questions have started. "Are you guys having more kids?" "Will Brooklyn have a brother or sister?"
And I know you are thinking to youself, "So yea, are you?" Good question. I'm not lying here, but I know Mr. LTM and I are truly still scarred from the whole two years of trying and not getting a baby. Mr. LTM has made it pretty clear that if there were a second, we are going straight to IVF. I understand that. TTC almost ruined our relationship, so why not skip to the good stuff? We have two snowbabies. For those of you new to the lingo, that means we have two frozen embryos (egg and sperm already joined). This means we'd need to meet with an RE, see if one of these babes would make the thaw, and then attempt to transfer one on over. So, should we?
We have all the the wrong reasons to not do it. 1. Our house is too small. 2. Brooklyn and baby would have to share a room. 3. Where the hell are we going to put more baby stuff? 4. I can't drink wine when I'm pregnant. Ok, that one was thrown in for fun. But seriously, the other three reasons seem valid to us.
In all honesty, we haven't talked about "number two" in a while, but I keep thinking that I'd need to try a frozen transfer this summer to have number two born after Brooklyn turns three. And so the thinking begins! Bet you can't wait to follow those posts!
And I know you are thinking to youself, "So yea, are you?" Good question. I'm not lying here, but I know Mr. LTM and I are truly still scarred from the whole two years of trying and not getting a baby. Mr. LTM has made it pretty clear that if there were a second, we are going straight to IVF. I understand that. TTC almost ruined our relationship, so why not skip to the good stuff? We have two snowbabies. For those of you new to the lingo, that means we have two frozen embryos (egg and sperm already joined). This means we'd need to meet with an RE, see if one of these babes would make the thaw, and then attempt to transfer one on over. So, should we?
We have all the the wrong reasons to not do it. 1. Our house is too small. 2. Brooklyn and baby would have to share a room. 3. Where the hell are we going to put more baby stuff? 4. I can't drink wine when I'm pregnant. Ok, that one was thrown in for fun. But seriously, the other three reasons seem valid to us.
In all honesty, we haven't talked about "number two" in a while, but I keep thinking that I'd need to try a frozen transfer this summer to have number two born after Brooklyn turns three. And so the thinking begins! Bet you can't wait to follow those posts!
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