A long, long time ago I talked about Baby BiPolar Disorder. It's not a real medical term, but Heather and I made it up. If you go back to my 2010 posts, there should be one called "The Baby BiPolar Way of Thinking." There I give a very detailed account of what it means. In short, it's when you have two different views of kids. One day you want them and the next day you don't. For infertiles it coincides with ovulation days and negative pregnancy tests. I had it bad and so did many others.
Now I have BBPD #2. This is the same thing as Baby BiPolar Disorder but applies only to the situation in which you are trying for child #2. Now, this is one is a little different and I don't think it hits as hard. BBPD #2 starts when you and your husband decide, "Yes! We want another baby!" The next day you visit the local Target and see a mom of two. She kinda looks like she's been hit by a Mack truck. She's got a baby carrier in the top seat and a toddler eating an open box of cereal in the basket of the cart. Said mom is pulling her groceries in a wagon because her cart now has no room for products. This is where BBPD #2 kicks in. "Do I really need another child?" Every couple goes through this. Now, the infertiles go through this a little differently. We feel that we have to get down on our knees and bow to the world. We have to first say how thankful we are for baby number one. We feel like we OWE the world everything. Some of us feel guilty when we accept the fact that we may want another child. It's almost like we are telling everyone that we are not happy enough with one child, we now selfishly want another one. Pretty screwed, isn't it? Totally sucks. Then add in the element of waking up each day and telling yourself, "I can be happy with one child if I have to. I'm lucky enough to have one child." Lucky enough? Pretty sad, huh?
Anywho- that's BBPD #2. It doesn't haunt me everyday, but I'm sure it will once I start those drugs in two weeks. I'm sure it's a branch of the IF Devil.