April 11, 2012

I'm the Worst!

I'm truly the worst and so predictable. Well, obviously because of my nonblogging, but there may be a reason.

So, I'm normally very good at following through with things. If you've followed this blog since the beginning, you know that I was rather good at keeping up. Of course, after Brooklyn came that changed a little, but I'm afraid to say that lately I've been avoiding the blog. Before Blogger I had always kept a journal and I did the same thing.

When something big comes up in my life, I kinda don't like to document it because it makes it permanent. For example, when my beloved Labrador died a few years back, I just stopped writing in my journal altogether. It kept me from experiencing the pain all over again. I mean, when you write about it in detail, you have to live it. . . again.

So try to guess, what I have I been avoiding by not coming to Blogger? Ahhh my internet friend, view the ticker at the top of this page. My little baby girl is now 1 year old. I've totally been avoiding it! I mean, I planned her cute little party and everything, but it's very, very bittersweet. For years and years, all I wanted was a baby. And finally when Mr. Later Than Most and I were on the same page, it took more years to get that baby. Now, we don't have a baby anymore, we have a little toddler. The baby is all grown up and Miss B is nothing like a baby!

So, I've totally been avoiding an update on here for awhile. I think once I started party planning I didn't want to update and realize that my baby is becoming a big girl. I'm sure this sounds weird to most, but maybe someone out there can understand. Confession, I cried a few tears this weekend coming to terms with it all.

I don't know what journey lies ahead for us. The thought of another baby sounds great, but one more would be our limit. The thought of trying for our baby instead of IVF actually scares me a bit. Doesn't that sound ass backwards? LOL It's just when you try for a baby for two years and nothing happens, it kinda tears apart your relationship a little and really adds a lot of stress. I don't ever want to experience that again. Another IVF though? Count me in. I was one of the lucky ones with no real side effects. I'd do those shots again in a heartbeat.

Mr. LTM and I do have two frozen embies but it's all complicated. We'll lose a lot of our infertility coverage in November. So, do we rush and try to use our coverage while we have it or do we just play the cards and see what happens? We aren't sure yet.

I can tell you that most of my friends that wanted babies now have them. Isn't that the way it should be? If you want a baby, you should be able to have one? When I look at Brooklyn, I can't believe she is a Science baby. She's just so normal! Not that science babies wouldn't be normal, but I forget where she came from :)

Ok I lied, she's not normal. She says like 12 words. That's a ton!!!!! Little Miss Social Butterfly (kinda like her momma). Today she counted to three! OK but it sounds like this, "Uh, oooo, eeee!" Hahahaha. So cute. Don't worry, she wasn't counting objects. She was counting just to talk.

So I don't know where my next path is, but I do know that I can now quit avoiding this blog since I've finally come to terms with the fact that my little Miss Brookie is getting to be a big girl.


stephanie said...

Omg I missed reading your blog! I did give up checking to see if you updated lol today I happened to check and yessss...an update!

BBColt78 said...

Yes! I'm the worst!!!! Total avoidance!!! But, I'm back in action!