April 14, 2011

What Day is It?

Literally, it's hard to keep track of the days! Being a mommy is hard work! I barely get online anymore and I've been dying to update you. In short, Brooklyn is doing well. We are obviously still getting used to her. I thought I was the boss before. . . um no. Poor Mr. Later Than Most, I'm not sure how he's going to deal with two head-strong girls!

For being 33 years old and using infertility treatments, you'd think this mommy stuff would be easier. Um no. How do single moms and teen moms do this job? Sometimes it takes two of us to change her! I'm FREAKING out that Mr. Later Than Most goes back to work tomorrow. I'm telling you, when you are sleep deprived, you worry about the dumbest stuff!

Brooklyn is just starting to get on her own schedule. In the beginning, she would not sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time. We were dying! Now it looks like she's about 2 hours at a time, but I'm sure that's because of all of the FORMULA we've been giving her. Ugh. Actually, the formula is my biggest frustration. I planned on nursing. It went great in the hospital, but once we got her home and to the pediatrician, she was losing a lot of weight. Weight loss is normal, and I was prepared for docs to push formula. The only thing is, we were not getting the wet and dirty diapers from her that we were supposed to. That's why I knew we had to do something. They sent me home with a hose system that you attach to your boob (SNS) and nurse the baby with. That went totally fine, but I couldn't use it by myself. It has to be raised and lowered to control flow. It has to be taped on and then sides switched. I got so frustrated one night and we gave her a bottle. It was heartbreaking for me. I think there is so much pressure to breastfeed and then when you plan on doing it and something goes wrong, you just feel so disappointed. Actually I've had a lot of guilt about it. It sucks. Well, when we went back to the SNS, there was a lot more frustration for all of us. Brooklyn was also losing her latch and still not getting enough to eat. We had to start giving her bottles of formula. I tried one more time to go back to the SNS system myself (without help). She did latch on, but I couldn't figure out why I was putting myself through all of that. Mr. LTM keeps telling me that this is what's healthy for her, but I feel really guilty about not nursing. Right now I'm trying to pump every two hours and that's even hard. Today we go back to the pediatrician to check her weight. She was born at 7lb 5oz, left at 7lb and then was 6lb 10 oz on Monday's doctor visit. I know she'll be better today from drinking all of that formula, but it's still hard to get over.

Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I'm a go-getter and real organized. I tend to go above and beyond on what I do (just my personality). I mean, even my coupons are in alphabetical order! Mommyhood has sure thrown me for a loop. Tomorrow Mr. LTM goes back to work. OMG- I don't know how I'm going to do it alone! My mother in law is coming this weekend to stay with me for a week and help out. Bless her! Ugh, I told her it's not too late to change her mind! The baby will be easy, but it's me she has to deal with! LOL

Anyway- I'll try to update and let you know how the appointment went. I'm off to find some new mom blogs and make sure I'm not crazy :)


mari2003 said...

Awww hon what your feeling is normal. I did it alone with my oldest as a teen mom and did just fine. I freaked out as much as you do, but had no support. Things are different now and I now have Mr.mari to help. I know the pumping every 2 hours is very difficult. I am having a hard time doing this and having to run whatever I get to the NICU! But we can only do what we can...

Tara said...

You are not crazy! Not at all. I remember that time and it is really hard. It takes time, I know it's tough but try to give yourself lots of grace.

Call a lactation consultant if you can. They helped me a lot with nursing! Connor lost weight too and of course the pediatrician pushed formula. The good news is that even after starting to bottle feed, you can go back to nursing if you want to. Often it does just take a lot of help but you can have an LC even come to your house! The Le Leche League also has free counseling so you can call them too.

It took me about 4 months of nursing with a nipple shield before Connor could latch on well enough to nurse "normally".

I have to highly recommend the Babywise book. It got me through the first 6-8 weeks! I was super nervous when my DH went back to work too but after a few days, you'll feel like you can do this. :) I'm praying for you!! ((HUGS))

BBColt78 said...

Thanks girls. . . It's so great to hear from others. I'm going to the LC today to see what they say. So far, looks like I'm dealing with low supply and a hospital pump needs to be rented. We'll see what happends :)