Back to Twins

I'm so annoying! I keep talking about a twin pregnancy as if it is a disease. As I told S today, I'm not scared of the twins themselves (especially hers, lol), it's the twin pregnancy that I am fearful of. Why have so many people lost twins? Do they have other issues? Again, I'm sure I've exposed myself to way too many people by being in forums (not anymore), but it seems like so many people have trouble. I seriously know two people who didn't have trouble and like 5 who have. Maybe I need a professional opinion?

I know I'm totally jumping the gun thinking that twins is an option, but it truly is. Transfer two embies and the RE says it's a 20-25% chance of a twin pregnancy with a 70% success rate overall. 

So with those chances you are wondering what Mr. LTM thinks, right? Um, he doesn't. I have to keep him in the dark until the last minute! Lol. He thinks way too much about things, more than me! But, I know he will be on board. After having the numbness from these shots, I don't want to do this again. If this doesn't work, I don't want to go to IVF. I'll have to wait 10 weeks to start that cycle and let's face it, I'll be 36 in March. The eggs used for this transfer are 32 year old eggs. That's quite the difference. Plus, to do IVF again, of course we'd freeze whatever is left over just in case that cycle didn't work. Then, if an IVF cycle did work, we'd have frozen embryos that we'd have to discard or donate. Right now, we don't have to make that decision because we are using all we have. So, this is it.

The infertility devil is not as strong as she was with my first cycle for IVF. She only sneaks upon me once in a while. Almost as if I'm getting too positive. I don't know why my guard is lower this time, but it is. I hope that doesn't bite me in the ass like those PIO shots.

Three Days of Nightmares

I actually had a really great dream last night, so don't be distracted by the title. It was one of those dreams that you wake up and you are like, "Damn, I want to go back to my dream!" It wasn't about babies or anything. It was actually a dream that Mr. LTM and I were dating, so about 15 years ago. We were young and having so much fun. Ahhhh, if we only knew that we'd be diving into scientific reproduction about 12 years later.

The title actually refers to my progesterone in oil (PIO) shots starting in three days. I just reminded Mr. LTM tonight that he better brush up on his viewing of the YouTube PIO demonstration video, because I don't want him jabbing me until he is totally train. Oh, now you are enticed by this video too, are you? Fine, I'll post the link. My favorite part is when they remind you to pull back on the needle to make sure you didn't draw blood. If you did, you better start all over and not inject PIO into you vein. Holy shit, the things we go through.

Click here to be happy that you aren't me in three days.


Now before you cringe, I ONLY have to do the PIO shots twice a day for 14 weeks. It could be worse. . . like 16 weeks, right?

On Wednesday I go in for blood an an ultrasound at 7am. They will make sure that my estrogen level is good since I'm taking 6 estradiol a day (no biggie). Hopefully I'll check out fine and then they'll give me the ok to start the ass shots. Actually, they are above the ass but I like the sound of "ass shots." When I go in on Wednesday, the nurse is going to draw two giant circles on my backside so we know where to inject them. I already have a saying to help me remember. Rights side in the morning "Right away" and left side at night "Left later." Did I mention how much I'm dreading this?

If anyone reads this blog and is going to start Lupron at some point, I totally learned something this time round. The Lupron box doesn't have enough needs so the pharmacy will normally include a bag. The extra bag needles are normally ultra-comfort diabetic needles. Yea, they go in so smooth that you don't even feel them! The Lupron ones don't really hurt, but you feel them.

Wonder if I'm still tingly? I am. The good news is that I feel like it's less and less. I'm really hoping this goes away once the Lupron is gone.

Tomorrow I'll talk about twins again.

This Sucks

My arm and leg numbness and tingling continue. After too much online research I did find that Lupron can cause this in some people. When I contacted my IVF nurse, she was not at all concerned (post ER) and said she had never heard of the side effect. The ER doctor did say he suspected the Lupron but was not concerned.

Since last night my arm is constantly asleep. It is so annoying. I feel like I can't relax because it feels so weird. I only have 5 days left of this shit, and it's such a low dose. I hate using all of these drugs. It sucks.

Tonight I'm hoping this crap goes away. I worry about it becoming permanent if it is drug related. Again, I'm 5 days from stopping the Lupron. Hope it subsides.

Still Tingly

Well it's about Four days since my trip to the emergency room and I still have much of the same symptoms. I've also been to Accupuncture in the chiropractor. They both feel like it's very possible that all of the symptoms I'm having are diet related and possibly even medication related. The good news is that my cycle is still ago and my transfer is still scheduled for October 21!

I need a different note, my little Brooklyn turned 2 1/2 today! Where has the time gone? She is sassy, spunky, smart, and can drive me crazy! Lol One of the best things is that she is sweet as can be. When I take her in at night to put her to bed,  I tell her good night and I love her and her little voice says, "I love you too mommy!" She also called me her bestie today!:)

Thank you reproductive science for allowing me to be a mommy!

F'ed Up Friday: Emergency Room

I knew my Friday night was going too well. Mr. LTM is out of town and I was cuddled up with some blankets and a self made marathon of Real Housewives of Miami. Around 8pm my foot fell asleep and wouldn't come too. Then, my arm on the same side was asleep. I knew it was odd. I walked all over, did jumping jacks and just plain acted like a fool. None of which made my arm or leg come to.

I looked at my meds printouts and read that tingling and numbness could be a sign of a blood clot which could be aggravated by the Estrace. I texted MR. LTM a few times to get his opinion. This was both a good and bad idea. For one he started freaking out. He automatically assumed it was the FET drugs and started saying we should cancel our cycle and not press our luck. I told him I probably ate too much ice cream and that he should calm the heck down. After sifting through my FET paperwork, I found the number for the nurse on call.

The answering service did not like the sound of my situation and they put me straight through to the nurse on call. She too was not pleased with what I was experiencing. She said she would need to call my RE, Dr. Miller right away. Ugh! I felt so bad. I imagined him out to a fancy dinner and having to hear my name! Poor guy. She called me back right away. Final decision. . . I needed to go to the ER.

The ER is awesome and all until you are home alone with a toddler and need some coverage. I finally got my brother in law who flew over here in his car while my sister followed in hers. They were both half-asleep and somehow didn't think enough to take one car. My sister decided to drive me to the hospital which is fab, but we live in the infertility closet. No one knows our situation. So now I'm making up doctors and reasons for why I'm on an estrogen pill. I carefully ditched her in the ER and told her I would text her after some tests were ran.

Explaining drugs and and FET to emergency room staff is like explaining ratios to my third graders. There is a basic medical understanding, then it significantly drops. There was a lot of, "Wait, why are you on Lupron?" Then the next staff would come in and say, "Why do you take estrogen?" It's hard to lose your shit at midnight, so I kept explaining to each new person. Finally the doctor came in and did an exam. He ordered a full blood panel to check everything, and then he broke the news to me... He wanted me to get a CAT Scan. Though he knew I was fine, he needed to "cross some Ts and dot some Is." Luckily he offered a valium which I took with no problem.

The CAT scan is everything you think it is, small, loud and very long. I as on the table for 45 minutes total. The valium helped me to relax. The nurse told me I was a great patient (which I loved). The results are then sent to some big-shot over the computer who reads them and calls the doctor. Pretty sweet to get them in 20 minutes. Everything checked out fine and my blood was all normal. CAT Scan looked great.

So here I am three days later and my right leg is still asleep. My right arm joins in every once in a while. After I reviewed my paperwork from the ER, I noticed that two of my blood tests read "abnormal" next to them. I took a picture of the results and texted it to my friend who is a nurse (and a patient of Dr. Miller too!). She said that my potassium and phosphorus were really low. When I Googled my potassium level, many places said it was IV worthy. The more I Googled, I found that low potassium can cause tingling and numbness. And my low, I mean below the normal range.

I'm not surprised that my numbers are low. I don't eat well. Sometimes I don't eat until 7pm. I've been living on coffee. Working full time and being a mom can really take it's toll on you. I grade papers and make photocopies during my lunch. I live on protein bars. None of this is good for a person, or good for a potential baby.

In the meantime I'm trying to adjust my diet and drink more water. I want to see a regular practioner but plan to wait until my cycle is over. I find that regular doctors and fertility doctors don't always see eye to eye. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is diet related and not drug related. I'm supposed to double my dose of Estrace on Tuesday.

Thanks for following.

Final Decision

Though I'm 19 days til transfer, I can say with 90% certainty that we will transfer both embryos. :)

Yes, I'm scared shitless of twins. It would not be the end of the world, but we will take the risk. All I want is a healthy pregnancy. If I can get that with two babies, great. One baby, greater. :)

I took my first Estrace pill today. Didn't notice too much besides a little bloated. I'm just wondering how bloated I will get when I take 6 pills a day. I'm only on one pill right now!

You may not know this about me, but I'm really against medicines. I try not to take medications and we rarely give them to Brooklyn. I'm all about immunizations and such, but I firmly believe that each thing you put into your body causes an effect of some sort, good and bad. So each day I'm shooting-up that Lupron and swallowing down my Estrace, I'm always wondering what it's going to do to my body someday. No secret, there is research that this type of stuff can cause ovarian cancer. They make us sign a document that says we are aware of the research before we participate in a treatment. The shitty thing is we have to decide. . . kids or ovarian cancer? You know my answer.

First Blood Draw

Well the witch was so confusing. I waited and waited for her to show. Suddenly I realized that maybe the spotting I had was actually her. When I talked to my FET coordinator, she said the hormone levels and ultrasound would show if I in fact had a period or not. If not, frozen transfer would be pushed out.

My appointment was for 7am but you know my office... 13 minutes late. That's a lot of time when you have to rush off to work. Finally the lab tech calls me back for blood. It's apparent she was running late because she had nothing prepared. No big deal, I'll use some deep breathing to calm down. Blood is now done but she tells me to go back to the waiting room because the ultrasound girl is not ready. No problem. I exhale my way back to the crowded waiting room. I start scoping the scene for new friends because after all, this is how I met S almost three years ago. I wait and wait. 

Now Mr. Later Than Most is on his way to the office to wait in the car with Brooklyn. We have to do a trade off so he can get to work And I can drop her off     At the babysitter's place. I make no friends in the waiting room but I'm finally called back by the ultrasound tech. I quickly get undressed and make my way over to the table. The tech is nice, we start chatting, she starts doing her thing.  Suddenly she starting to count and tell me how many follicles I have. I kindly tell her that I don't care how many follicles I have because I'm doing a frozen  transfer. I then explained to her that I believe she needs to check the uterus lining to make sure that it's thin. I consider asking her for a job application, but I'm satisfied when she tells me my lining is 3.6, which I know is good. I hop off the table and go off to get dressed. I cannot believe what a cluster fuck this whole appointment has been. 

Next thing I know I walk out until lobby, and there is Mr. later Than Most with Brooklyn! WTF Are they doing in the lobby? Isn't it taboo to bring a child into an IVF office? All of those people want a child!!! Lucky for me Brooklyn is complaining and being mean. This allows me to explain outbloud to everyone waiting that I'm rather sure all of Dr. Miller's creations are not as mean as this one. The people In the lobby giggle and now I know that they don't hate me for bringing a child into the office. 

Later in the day I check my voicemail. I'm happy to say that all of my results were great! Lining 3.6... Estrogen 6 and progesterone .23.

Tomorrow I will begin the Estrace pills and lower my Lupron to 5 units.

Happy Tuesday!