And There It Is. . .

For two long years I waited to see those two, beautiful pink lines. In times of desperation, I even put the pee stick on a light bulb to see if I could at least see the outline of a second line. The pee stick manufacturers must know about psychotic IF girls who are desperate for a second line, because they make sure that not even a shadow of a line is there. Sometimes I imagined the line, and sometimes I wanted to draw one on to see what it would look like. Don't worry, that's not abnormal. Heather said the same thing the other day when I met her.

So, the opportunity came this morning to see those two beautiful pink lines. If you are new to my blog, DON'T GET ALL EXCITED! Those two pink lines aren't meant for me. Background: Last night I took my HCG injection. HCG is the actual pregnancy hormone. They use it for fertility procedures to "finalize" the eggs. So, last night I injected 10,000ius. That sounds like a lot, but it was only 1 milliliter of liquid. I'll tell you though, that shit stung worse than the Menopur/Follistim combo. It just sat in my stomach for like 5 minutes. So, I shot up the pregnancy hormone, and then the following morning, the doc asked me to take a pregnancy test. I wanted to ask the IVF nurse if they have done any studies on IVF patients and taking a pee stick after an HCG injection. I wanted to know if it could do permanent psychological damage. I mean, how could it not? TTC for years and then you have to see a BFP for the doctor? So, last night I told Mr. Later Than Most that I couldn't do it. I couldn't POAS and see those two lines that I've been waiting two years to see. I told him he would have to be the pee stick viewer. He agreed. I don't think he fully appreciated why though. I don't know if you can expect them to: they dont' have to do injects and go to the IVF office every other day for blood and ultrasound. They don't have to take the boat-load of drugs each day. Either way, he knows not to mess with me after 10 days of injectable hormones.

Well, this morning I woke up and remembered I had to POAS. I went into the bathroom and grabbed one of my internet cheapie pee sticks. You think for a $26,000 procedure they'd include a pee stick? Nope. I thought about getting Mr. Later Than Most to read it, but I didn't. I was so desperate to see those lines that I just said, "screw it." I watched as the entire stick turned pink. The control line popped up right away. Would you believe, my negative IF mind actually thought I'd get a negative? That's what IF does. I shot myself up last night with 10,000 units of pregnancy hormone and I actually thought that the damn test would be negative. Now that's a cause for therapy! Anywho- the two pink lines showed. And like the true IF I am, I had to pee on more than one. I haven't peed on a stick in so long, I wasn't passing up the opportunity.

The pee stick wasn't even that big of a deal anyway. So, there were two pink lines. . . big deal! I'm going to save the true mother of all tests for when the doctor tells me I have a positive beta (blood pregnancy test). I'm going to POAD. That's pee on a digital (the mother of all tests). Then, the smart ass little test will actually say "pregnant" or "not pregnant." That's the big time and I'm looking forward to that.

This is It!

I just got my long awaited call! I will do my HCG trigger shot tonight at 8:15. I'm scheduled for retrieval at 7:15 on Wednesday morning! The nurse said everything looks great! This post is what the "Bump" girls call a post and run! I'm off to yoga! More info later!

Combo Post

So, a combo post will mean that I have a bunch of crap to talk about, and the topics don't really go together.

First, a Fertility Report update from yesterday. I'm pretty much turtling along. Hehehe, that's what I call it. My biggest follie was 18 and they need most of them to be between 18 and 20. The good thing is that many other follies caught up and they are all pretty much getting to be the same size. As of now, the doctor says my retrieval will be Wednesday. WEDNESDAY? I totally thought Tuesday at the latest. Oh well :) As my IVF buddy Doris said to me, "Slow and steady wins the race." Doris has her retrieval tomorrow. I'm praying for you sweetie!

Now, as for yesterday, I had my big date with Heather from TWW. I'm saying date because I changed outfits three times and she told me she was a little jittery. The good news is that we found out that each of us is normal. Hey, you never know when you meet Internet friends! Actually, FaceBook lets you make sure that your Internet friends are not ax murders, and Heather is not. We had a great time chatting it up and trying to figure out how the hell people can't get pregnant after two years of trying. Poor Adam (Heather's DH), sat through a ton of baby crap. Boy, was he a trooper. In fact, he got so comfy that he starting voicing his own baby crap opinions. We were like the 3 Musketeers! What a great time, and they even let me shoot up at their house. And of course, being the sweetheart she is, Heather even had a little "good luck" gift all prepared.

Now, since our meeting was such a success, we have a whole IF weekend we are planning so we can meet Christina. We're thinking about a girls' weekend in the Chi. Trust me people, you do not want to witness three IF complaining about life. Actually, it should be a blast, unless Christina is an ax murderer of course.

At this moment, I'm off to Mrs. February 2010's house. You remember her right? She planned to get pregnant in February 2010 for two years and it worked! Aren't they special? I HAVE to go as Mr. Later Than Most keeps calling to see when I'll be there. Not only do they have a new mansion, they also have the only thing I want most in the world and don't have. :( Oh well, enough pity. The girls on TWW always say "chin up." You gotta love them, we watch girls go through miscarriages, preemie births, multiples, and countless IUI and IVF procedures. They always have the right things to say, no matter the situation.

Now, I'm off with my chin up to that bitch's house. Whoops, it's not working... brahahaha.

BIG DAY!

Okay, that title is misleading. It's not like I'm having my retrieval today or anything! Actually, in about 15 minutes I'm off to the doctor's office to see how those follies are doing. I'll have a clearer picture later today, but I think I'll be triggering this weekend (HCG injection) and then having my retrieval on Monday or Tuesday. We'll find out this afternoon!

So today is a big day because I'm meeting my first "Internet" friend! My BFF Heather from TWW lives only 45 minutes away, and we have not met yet! Though we have been texting and Booking since forever, we just hadn't gotten together. I'm so excited that she invited me over. I imagine a major gab fest, along with my one glass of wine that I plan to have before retrieval. I'm sure we have a lot to talk about. Oh, and it should make a great blog tomorrow. . . .title: Heather is a Weirdo.

LOL- JUST KIDDING HEATHER (I know she reads my blog)!

On a different note, I may have left a bitchy comment on a TLC Conception Stories blog. I venture over there to keep up with Christina's progress (even though we text everyday). She's currently my only celebrity friend. Anywho- this peach of a girl went on and on how everyone should be happy for pregnant people and she is sure people look at her and think "why can't I have a baby?" Oh and the gem "Not everyone can have kids." Now, one of my friends said they really enjoy me on hormones (especially after she read the comment I left). I'm telling you right now, I would have been just as bitchy without them. I called her selfish and very self-absorbed if she thought people looked at her and wondered why they were pregnant. Oh, and she used our IF favorite "relax and it happens." M-O-R-O-N. Hey girls with one tube and no egg reserve, just friggen relax! Your tube will grow back and so will your eggs.

Great, I just ruined my acupuncture by getting all worked up again!

Awwww, Baby Shower Invite. . .

NOT. Worst day ever in the world of IF. I knew it was all suspicious with the cute envelope and stick-on label addressed to me. August 15th is the date, and I wouldn't go even if this IVF worked. Yup, it's bitchy, but step into our world for a minute.

At showers, all people talk about is babies. Everything is so cute, and a fun reminder of what I can't have. And actually, I think I have it worse than most IF girls! You see, I'm a recreational shopper. So not only can I not buy baby stuff, but I also can't shop for it. So in my opinion, I have a double-whammy. Even if this IVF works, I couldn't stand to go. People often like to brag about how quickly they got pregnant, and this is not a game I like to play. My friend Heather for instance, is incredibly fertile. In fact, everyone always laughs at how she manages to have only holiday babies. Seriously, they time it and it works. What IVF patient wants to listen to that?

Now, all of this is negative (come on, I can't be positive Polly all the time). Okay wait, I did make the shower invite a positive experience, for me. I played "how fast can I buy a frigging baby gift off the registry and get it sent to their stupid house?" Actually I was quite successful at this game: From mailbox to click "purchase," a whole eight minutes. Beat that shit!

Celebrity Run-In

This morning I went in for ultrasound and blood work. For IVF, you go every third day (or I do). When I pulled into the parking lot, there were cars all over the place. The place was packed. Something was going on for sure. When I signed in, there were about 6 couples in the lobby. Mind you, it was 7am. I wondered what they were in for? Some blood work and monitoring like me? Beta results? Pregnancy tests? I played "Who is in for What" while I waited for my appointment. A few minutes later, the ultrasound tech came and I got me. She's super cute and always very nice. She's about my age, so we chat as she measures my follies. I mention to her that it's so crowded. I already know how popular this place is, but I've never seen it like this. She began to tell me how they "batch" patients (which I knew thanks to my need to read every IF book out there). In big offices they cycle people at the same time. So, we all take birth control pills and those going through IVF start injections at the same time. Then, Dr. Miller (my RE) can just crank out the procedures. She goes on and on about how he is a maniac and just loves what he does. She says he rarely takes a day off. I already loved Dr. Miller. I've only seen him once in about 15 appointments, but I liked him. At our first consultation, he walked into the office and said, "Well, aren't you two good looking? We HAVE to get you a baby. You'll have great looking kids." That was it for me and Mr. Later Than Most. A guy with a sense of humor is an absolute score in our book. Sad as it is, I don't get to see Dr. Miller anymore. The IVF nurse is in charge of me until my procedure. She passes my info to Dr. Miller and he tells her what to have me do. That's how they roll in busy offices, but I'm good with that.

As the ultrasound tech finishes her job, I get dressed and head out into the hall for blood work. When I sit down and pull my sleeve up, I look down the hall and notice a tiny crowd. As I look closer I notice it's him. . . Dr. Miller! It was like a celebrity experience! He was all dressed in scrubs and just finished a IVF procedure. He was chit-chatting with staff while he waited for the next procedure. I instantly wanted to run up to him and tell him how well I was doing! Kinda like a "remember me? You said I'll have a cute baby! Luckily, I imagined the IVF nurses taking me down like the way football players protect their quarterback, and that imagery kept me from running to see him. After my bloodwork was finished, I quietly walked toward the door and watched Dr. Miller tell jokes to his staff. I got into my car and waved at the building as I went by. "See you next week Dr. Miller!" I whispered.

Dr. Miller was the highlight of my day. I'll blame my paparazzi like thoughts on the meds. They must also be the reason I paid at the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru this morning and then drove off without my order.

http://www.charlesemillermd.org/

Day 7 Fertility Report

Follies- About 10 dominant. Largest is 14mm

Lining- All she said was "huge"

Estradiol- Caught up and normal! 862!

Next appointment on Saturday!